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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel ashamed, embarrassed and not know how to fix this?

468 replies

Avatarthewayofwater · 25/03/2023 18:51

I've taken the image from Google as I'm far to embarrassed to take a picture of myself.

Any weight I gain goes on my stomach and due to emotional binge eating I find myself here.

I did have ultrasound scans to check nothing underlying was going on, but no its visceral fat and only I can get rid if it.

The problem is I've changed my diet completely and calorie counting and eating healthy along with exercise. Yet nothing has changed stomach wise.

I'm so self conscious and I can't wear normal clothes because I constantly look pregnant.

Even at the gym I hide in a big hoodie so no one can see.

It's making me depressed and I don't know how to get rid of the stomach fat.

Has anyone else been like this and managed? I had a c section years ago and have an underactive thyroid if that makes any difference.

Please be kind...

To feel ashamed, embarrassed and not know how to fix this?
OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
NIparty · 26/03/2023 10:19

I was the same OP - I started resistance training with weight and was a massive game changer, and really ramped up the protein in my diet (I used the James Smith online calculator to work out my calories and protein targets).

Then I tried to focus on performance goals over my scale weight. It was really hard to make that swap, but it kept me motivated on the week I was seeing no change weight or inch wise.

And on top of that it took time, it was probably about 18 months before my tummy was flat. It was the last fat to shift. I don't think there's anything anyone can do about that, it's just how we're built ans we can't pick where we lose weight from first.

Also try following ESG fitness- she has amazing tips and motivation on instragram and her podcasts are brilliant.

NIparty · 26/03/2023 10:21

Scousefab · 26/03/2023 09:27

You could try intermittent fasting something similar to the Michael Mosley diet! My mum has had two c sections and struggles to lose weight. She fasts intermittently and it has worked. Some people just don’t suit eating three meals a day. If you do fast do not exercise and research best ways of doing it. You prob need a food allergy test too something you are eating could be causing you problems. I would also research vitamins too and make sure you have the right levels in your body.

This is terrible advice.

Throwaway0323 · 26/03/2023 10:22

Hi OP, sadly I am also apple shaped and the more weight I lost the more it seemed my belly stuck out. It didn't, it just looked that way because everything else was getting smaller.

Mine had only just started shrinking properly and I am down to a BMI of 21.

Keep going, loosing weight is good for your health and your stomach will catch up eventually.

I am lactose intolerant so yogurt makes me bloated, skyr is high in protein and low in lactose so that's a good swap to try if you suffer with bloating.

DoodleDig · 26/03/2023 10:26

It might be worth checking out a diet and exercise programme called Metabolic Renewal. It's from America but it's online. I paid around £35 for it a couple of years ago for the online version. Lifetime access to the exercise videos and the PDF books. The diet programme is all based around women's hormones and you do a test to see what type you are. Then you tweak your eating patterns around that. The exercises are only 15 minutes 3 X a week. The thing that might be useful is that you can join a private Facebook group and there are lots of women on there of all different shapes and sizes and many success stories and photos. It is also very supportive.
You are fine as you are but thought I'd pass that on in case it helps.

Hayliebells · 26/03/2023 10:28

Avatarthewayofwater · 26/03/2023 09:47

For those recommending Team RH can you tell me more about it please? I can see you need to pay monthly, so I'd love to know much more about it before commiting.

It’s diet and exercise advice, involving calorie counting. It’s based around upping fibre and protein, strength training, and getting enough activity into your day (they propose counting steps, but it could be other cardio). I joined, learnt what I needed to, then I didn’t renew after the year. Everything can be done for free using a MyFitnessPal and by doing your own strength training, or following videos on YouTube, but it’s worth the initial £50 for the education it provides imo.

And yes, losing weight is mostly about diet, you can lose weight without any exercise at all. But that’s a really unhealthy way to live, there’s a reason the NHS recommends a minimum amount of exercise per week for everyone, including something that builds and maintains strength. But building muscle WILL help you lose weight, as more muscle means more energy used, even when not exercising. That’s why the recommended daily calorie intake is higher for men than women, as they generally have a higher muscle mass. I find the strength training programme that Team RH use a bit dull tbh, but it’s good basics, and I now use the Les Mills app for that mostly, as I find their trainers and the music really motivational.

DJhowzy · 26/03/2023 10:29

NorthernSpirit · 25/03/2023 19:48

I used to carry weight like this on my stomach. I’m early 50’s.

9 months ago I joined Slimming World, stopped drinking alcohol & started going to the gym at least 4 x per week (doing cardio spinning & weight resistance body pump classes).

In 18 weeks I lost 31 lb and completely changed my body shape (including loosing the stomach). The weight resistance training was a game changer for me.

Take a note of this post. Clearly you do need to do something different to what you are doing now.

I have been in a similar boat where I’m thinking it’s my body but in reality it’s everything to do with exercise and diet. Unfortunately some peoples bodies react differently to alcohol or sugar, and of course exercise, so different bodies need to do different things. I have friends that are still in their 40s have remained eating takeaways and drinking 5 to 6 days a week and they are still slim. I stopped those kind of activities 10 years ago and got much heavier than they are. Unfortunately, we are not created equally.

Do you need to ask yourself what would you look like 5000 years ago? In reality, you would probably be really slim and muscular, as you would have to hunt for food, sometimes going days without and you would have to build shelter remain agile, etc… your typical day, would revolve around a constant level of exertion whilst hunting for natural Whole Foods grown in the Sun.

You definitely need to incorporate resistance training with weights (body weight good too) and I would recommend cutting out sugar almost completely for your first month in order to negate your brain craving it and telling you you are hungry. Getting most of your carbohydrate intake from vegetables and your sugar intake from fruit would also be very beneficial, ensuring you avoid anything that has to be processed to supply you sugar or carbs.

The body seems to lose weight in the reverse order it gained. So to lose belly fat you have to lose overall weight. Once you start using resistance training and building up muscle your body will learn to use the fuel you put in it to build muscle as opposed to adding to fat stores. Try to eat daily 1.4 g of protein per kilogram of body weight. Chicken is best assuming you are not vegetarian, as it gives you the best ratio of protein versus lowest calories.

Once you change these habits and incorporate them daily, things will change in a the way you never imagined. It will feel like an impossible task, so break goals down weekly and initially focus on breaking the sugar and carbs cycles.

You need to turn your body into a fat burner, instead of a sugar burner. 90% of the population relies on sugar for an instant source of energy, when, in fact, our bodies do not need any sugar or any carbohydrates at all.

There are essential fats and there are essential proteins, but there is no such thing as an essential carb. Once your brain no longer craves sugar, which takes around about 5 to 7 days of cutting sugar out completely, it learns that it has to turn to its fat stores to convert for your energy source. Once you achieve this, your hunger, diminishes, and your overall energy levels increase and remain steady, as there is always a source of energy on hand without the need of putting anything in your body.

As you progress, intermittent fasting is also an excellent tool. Once you are not reliant on the sugar you no longer need to eat breakfast (which is definitely NOT ‘The most important meal of the day’) as your brain isn’t screaming at you to eat some food. Once I finish my evening meal I do not eat again for sixteen to eighteen+ hours and I keep my feeding window within 4 to 6 hours. When your body is spending less time, breaking down and digesting food, it is spending these important hours with other important metabolic processes, such as fat reduction and muscle building. If we eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with snacks in between plus supper, our bodies can be spending 70% of our 24 hours digesting food. I discovered this by accident, but it makes sense. You need to switch your body into sourcing its fuel from your own body.

important note: when you start to break the sugar cycle, after a few days, you will get headaches and a drop in energy and it is your brains way of trying to force you to eat sugar (it is called keto flu). Sugar is the most addictive substance on the entire planet and this is classic withdrawal symptoms like a heroin addict would have. Usually lasts from day three today five and then one day you wake up with a level of mental clarity and energy you never felt before as your body will have no drugs in it, and it will be drawing energy from its fat stores through its own natural metabolic process.

Good luck OP, it is very possible that you can achieve this and acquire the body you would like. You just have to do things completely differently as you have done so far in life. It will appear difficult when thinking about it now, but success snowballs week after week once you practice it and then your habits will change and to the point where it would feel alien to you to live life as you have been doing for so long.

summary: cut out sugar for several weeks, including fruit. Reduce carb intake such as rice, pasta and potato during this period. When you start introducing sugar, try to stick to fruits and small portions of rice and potato. Aim for your main carbohydrate sauce to be vegetables, start resistance training immediately and do cardio on your rest days. Protein daily 1.4g per kg of body weight and practice intermittent fasting, starting with 16 hours of fasting and eight hours for an eating window. Fluctuate by increasing the fast and reducing the eating window. This can change daily to enable you to keep up with social functions, et cetera oh, and eight glasses of water per day!

curious79 · 26/03/2023 10:29

If you’re eating healthily (no snacks, tonnes of green leafy veg, low fat, and some healthy protein eg 4oz max per meal) you WILL lose weight. Are you being honest with yourself about the effort you make? No treats / snacks / finishing kids meals / sneaky glasses of wine? Personally I’m finding at 49 I lose weight very easily if I’m rigid with diet but the merest deviation from it and the weight loss skids to a halt.
If you are super healthy then there’s a medical issue. Watch out for eg ovarian cancer bloat.
PCOS doesn’t cause weight gain. If anything weight gain / poor dietary habits causes PCOS (a syndrome or collection of symptoms, not a disease) then it becomes a vicious cycle (involving insulin resistance etc). I got rid of PCOS with healthy diet

FacebookFun · 26/03/2023 10:30

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Redkettle · 26/03/2023 10:33

My friend had this. I said it was wheat belly. Everybody laughed, but it was. My stomach also like this when menopausal. You need weights walking will not do much. And stick to veg as much as possible.

Coffeeandchocs · 26/03/2023 10:35

Avatarthewayofwater · 26/03/2023 09:12

Wow I have a lot of catching up to do. Thank you so much for all the advice.

I will admit that I'm a little confused by all the different advice.

Would it help if I did something like slimming World where you learn to eat healthy but without the stress of counting calories? Would that work alongside going to the gym regularly?

Slimming world doesn’t teach you to eat healthily.
Off the top of my head they say pasta is “syn free” so you can eat as much as you like but that an avocado is 15 syns so SW people avoid it like the plague. That’s not a healthy or informed diet, it’s a con.
Calorie count but read up on nutrition. Two packets of quavers (while on a diet) is a massive waste of calories that you could have used better to fill up on. Try to build meals with a protein source, green veg, carbohydrates. Fruit is good for you but also not very filling, I find fruit with some natural Greek yoghurt, a few walnuts/pecans or some oats a really filling breakfast/large snack.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 26/03/2023 10:38

BlackFlyChardonnay · 26/03/2023 09:28

It is confusing when you've got one poster saying you're not eating enough, another saying eat only 800kcal, and another saying 1000kcal, and another saying 1200kcal. Some say no carbs, others say add a jacket potato to your meals.

Probably best to have a session with a dietitian. The contradictory advice here is just confusing matters.

From my perspective: I've always had a flat stomach and stored weight on my thighs. However, this dramatically changed over the past 2 years. I suddenly had a ledge of stomach that started straight under my bust and curved around to my pubic area, i looked pregnant. Eventually diagnosed with underactive thyroid (after a long battle with gp). I'm now on 50mg levothyroxine, feel better than I was before and my stomach is less pronounced, but weight loss still a struggle and I honestly still feel rotten a lot of the time. My TSH is still hovering around 5, which is in normal range if you don't have thyroid problems and are on levothyroxine, but apparently your TSH should be around 1 if you're properly medicated. Unfortunately my gp is resistant to increasing my dose even though i feel like shite.

This is my long roundabout way of asking if your TSH is still too high? Your gp might say "you're at 4 or 5 and that's normal" when you should be at closer to 1 if you're on the right dose.

Agree about the thyroid treatment. Levo should be titrated up until you are on around 1.6 mg per kilo of bodyweight. 50 mg is a starter dose! T4 and T3 should be in the upper part of the range. The Health Unlocked thyroid forum is very helpful for this, PP.

Daydreambeliever1 · 26/03/2023 10:43

i really struggled with this. The only thing that worked for me was weight training. I got a PT a few sessions to show me what to do and help build confidence. Also seek a dietician to check your fat/muscle/water as they can often advise and make you suitable diet plans. I would also get checked for any intolerances.

Climbles · 26/03/2023 10:47

Exercise doesn’t help the distribution of fat but it might help hold you in a little bit and give you better posture. Cutting carbs can help bloating which will reduce to look of it too. But ultimately it’s just how you are. I lost 6 stone and still have a disproportionately large stomach. The only thing that will solve it is liposuction and a tummy tuck. It’s an expensive op and can be difficult to recover from, also you run the risk of something going wrong and creating a medical problem rather than just a cosmetic one. I’d embrace the fact you are healthy and stop wishing for perfection. I bet all those ‘skinny beautiful’ people at the gym could give you a long list of their own flaws.

Ponoka7 · 26/03/2023 10:50

I agree with weight training, it can take up to a year, though. I've seen women (myself and my adult DD included) completely change the shape of their bodies and get rid of the aftermath of pregnancy and in my case, the menopause. If you want to drop the fruit then just go to protein. But at the peak of weight training, you can and have to eat. I have a big appetite and only weight training uses enough calories. I used to hike, but now can't. Weights are great for our bones.

2pence · 26/03/2023 10:55

I lost my waist at this age too and had to change the way I dressed completely.

Pregnancy changed me first giving me a Mum Tum then peri menopause thickened my waist to hip ratio.

Your body changes as you age, now 50 I am starting to see muscle loss slimming down my legs and making my arms baggy.

You can tackle each problem as it arises but where will you stop? Ageing is better than the alternative to ageing! It's a privilege to age and ultimately acceptance will have to come or you'll be nipped and tucked forevermore.

Howdoesitworkagain · 26/03/2023 10:58

@Avatarthewayofwater You don’t need to answer this here as it’s a deeply personal question, but if you’re being honest with yourself, are you still binge-eating? If you are, then regardless of what you try to do with MFP or anything else, that will be standing in your way. No diet or slimming club has the ability to cure you of emotional binge eating. For that, I would recommend you look up Shahroo Izadi. For a lot of people, “just” being able to stop binge eating resolves their issues, but you need help that normal diets and clubs aren’t equipped to give you.

Scousefab · 26/03/2023 11:01

Actually it’s not it is saying seek advice and I’m not advising to use this method either! Just pointing out what has worked for my mum! I’m not a dietician unless you are ! You can’t quote what is bad advice! I agree with the other ladies seek gp advice and go from there!

Hayliebells · 26/03/2023 11:02

Oh yes @Ponoka7 , I forgot to mention that, weight training is really important for bone health. Anyone who tells you you don’t need to do it either doesn’t know what they’re talking about, or is a charlatan trying to sell a fad diet (looking at you Slimming World). Yes you can avoid lifting weights if you’re doing something like lots of manual labour, or heavy digging in the garden, or appropriate body weigh exercises. But for most people, with the lifestyles that we lead, lifting weights is the most efficient way to gain strength, avoid osteoporosis and injuries as we age, change body shape, and just feel great.

MelsMoneyTree · 26/03/2023 11:07

I've found yoga is the best and quickest way to change my stomach. Not even weights did as well. You could start with some of the Cosmic Kids yoga on youtube. It's a nice easy introduction, and then move on to Yoga with Adrienne. I thought I'd never get my waist or stomach back again but started doing yoga with the DCs during lockdown and it transformed my shape.

Peridot1 · 26/03/2023 11:28

So much conflicting advice. And it just shows what works for one person may not work for another.

I think @Avatarthewayofwater to start with you need to get your thyroid meds right. I don’t know much about it but I have noticed (and some people on this thread seemed quite knowledgeable about it) that doctors for some reason don’t prescribe the right amount of medication for thyroid issues and you need to be your own advocate on this and be a bit pushy.

I also wouldn’t advise Slimming World. There tends to be an emphasis on carbs and chemical shitstorms like Mueller Light yoghurts. Weight Watchers is much the same.

As you are already a member of a gym I would see if there are any PTs working out of there and book a few sessions. Both for the exercise and they will also likely give nutrition advice.

Basically with food as others have said make sure you are eating enough protein.

Drop overly processed foods like Quavers. And dried fruit.

Some people can eat porridge and it fills them up fine but for others it doesn’t work like that. It can spike blood sugar in some people leading to being starving later. So try it but be aware.

A good healthy breakfast is Greek Yoghurt with berries and a sprinkle of flaked almonds and/or seeds like pumpkin seeds.
Or a slice of seeded wholegrain toast with scrambled eggs.
Eggs are generally a great breakfast.

Lunch:
Soup - I make it myself and add in a tin of cannellini beans for extra protein. Blend it all with a hand blender. I usually make a big pot at a time and freeze portions. Sometimes I just have soup but a large bowl and sometimes I might a smaller bowl and have Ryvita with it.

Salads- lots of salad veg and add in a protein. Tuna or salmon or hummus or chicken or whatever. Maybe some beans or chickpeas sprinkled in. For dressing I usually just have olive oil and balsamic vinegar.

Dinners: I try to eat whatever we are having as a family but concentrate on the protein and veg. If I was being really strict I probably wouldn’t have any carbs then but it really depends on the day. If you are having rice try switching to wholegrain. Same for pasta. So if we were having spaghetti bolognaise I would pad out the meat sauce with lots of veg chopped in the food processor and have a very small portion of pasta but a bigger portion of the meat sauce. I also wouldn’t use a jar of sauce as they tend to be high in sugars.

For snacks if you need them try things like a few nuts or olives or a Babybel cheese of a slice of cheese or a couple of oatcakes with peanut butter. If you are having fruit as a snack try to have some protein with it.

Drink lots of water.

Track your calories on My Fitness Pal or Nutracheck and you can keep an eye n your protein intake through that too.

As others have said stomach fat is the last to go. I am the same. My stomach is a whole size (at least!) bigger than the rest of me. And when I lose weight it looks bigger as I lose elsewhere first.

I am about to start exercising too as I haven’t been doing anything for a long time. I’m planning on joining a gym and doing some spinning classes (which I did a few years ago and surprised myself by loving) and weight training. I’m going to book a few PT sessions to get me going too.

Good luck with it. It’s not easy and as you’ve noticed the advice can be really confusing. But it’s definitely doable. Don’t over complicate it. Figure out a plan that works for you and that you can stick to. And most importantly if you have a bad day (and you will) just start again the next day.

porculime · 26/03/2023 12:01

I am reading all the comments on here about strength training, and feel like I've been doing the wrong thing. Following a high blood pressure diagnosis, I joined the gym and go on the crosstrainer and treadmill to improve cardio health. But is this pointless? Should I be doing weights instead?

I think it's a confidence thing, because these cardio machines are straightforward to use and don't require a personal trainer to tell you what to do. A lot of people really can't afford a personal trainer, but I don't want to be doing something pointless.

MelsMoneyTree · 26/03/2023 12:17

Lots of gyms offer Les Mills classes. Body Pump is a good introduction to weights and much cheaper than a personal trainer.

Peridot1 · 26/03/2023 12:22

@porculime - cardio isn’t pointless at all but you need strength training as well ideally. Your gym may well have classes although to be honest I am not keen as I find I spend most of my time trying to keep up and am not necessarily using the correct form. But your gym probably has gym instructors who can give you an induction session and work out a plan for you.

Paq · 26/03/2023 12:43

Cardio is not "pointless". But a mix of exercise is always better.

But our bodies are all different, at different ages and stages in life, depending on contraception, pregnancy, menopause etc. our hormones play a big part in our weight.

I personally don't love Slimming World because they don't promote healthy eating in terms of avoiding ultra processed foods.

Have you been tested for PCOS OP?

Divorcedalongtime · 26/03/2023 12:50

porculime · 26/03/2023 12:01

I am reading all the comments on here about strength training, and feel like I've been doing the wrong thing. Following a high blood pressure diagnosis, I joined the gym and go on the crosstrainer and treadmill to improve cardio health. But is this pointless? Should I be doing weights instead?

I think it's a confidence thing, because these cardio machines are straightforward to use and don't require a personal trainer to tell you what to do. A lot of people really can't afford a personal trainer, but I don't want to be doing something pointless.

Of course cardio isn’t pointless, cardio is essential for your body.
whem I lost the baby weight I did it through HIIT, running amd
weights, nearly entirely in my own home (not the running obviously)

I followed fitness people on YouTube and their HIIT really worked 10-20 minute videos per day and I did those 3-4-5 times per day. Amazing. Burpees and frog jumps and jumping up the stairs, it was all fun. And the kids got involved in it too.