To try and give an Ofsted analogy, to help people understand better

[Nimbostratus100]

Imagine you run a fleet of taxis in a city called Ofstopolis.

In Ofstopolis, the rules are that MOTs are carried out by a group of Ofstopolis inspectors, without warning, on a random basis, and your taxi firm will get a grade, based on these random MOTs, which will be:

Green - ( you can carry on trading)

Amber - ( you need to make changes immediately to carry on trading)
or Red ( you lose your job and your livelihood and are banned from driving a taxi/ owning a business indefinitely)

You were last inspected 2 years ago, and got graded Green, but you are now approaching that time frame where you know that the Ofstopolis inspectors are going to descend again at some point, and MOT all your taxis.

You keep abreast with all current guidance on how to pass an MOT inspection.

Over the next 5 years, you do not get an MOT inspection, but following the guidance in order to be ready for the MOTs, you do the following:

Paint all the cars red as Ofstopolis inspectors are saying this is the safest way for children to notice cars and not get run over

Paint all the cars green, as another but of research a few months later now says red cars have more accidents

Move all the steering wheels to the left hand drive in preparation for a change of side of road you drive on. Then move them back as that plan is abandoned.

Make sure all drivers have photo ID with their name on, showing at all times

Make sure no driver has their surname showing, as this is now considered a data breach

Make sure every driver is trained never to say anyone else's name

Make sure every driver has the latest insurance documents to hand in their car.

Make sure every driver stops carrying around insurance documents, and instead copies the relevant details into a notebook kept securely in a locked glove compartment

Change every driver to a different insurance company which is currently in favour

change all the tyres to blue tyres forgotten why, but Ofstopolis inspectors are currently insisting on this

Change all tyres to green tyres...err...

Change specification of lock on glove compartment...

make sure all drivers are trained in mindfulness

Make sure all drivers carry proof they are trained in mindfulness

Make sure all drivers are change the proof they are carrying, that they are trained in mindfulness, to a certificate exactly 154 mm square, no more, no less, change the size of all glove compartments to fit this exact certificate, take previous lock off glove compartment and fix it to a strong box in the boot to keep the (recently changed again) insurance documents in there, add a lock of a different specification to the glove box to keep the mindfulness certificate in, change the tyres to yellow, and the windscreen wipers to pink

And a thousand thousand other details of procedure, or whims based on highly suspect research, or politically motivated directives

NONE OF WHICH HAVE ANY BEARING AT ALL ON DRIVING YOUR CUSTOMERS

ALL OF WHICH IMPEDES YOU IN YOUR DAILY TASK OF DRIVING CUSTOMERS

Finally the day arrives and the Ofstopolis inspector descend.

YOu are bumped down from green to red, because a driver is found to have a mindfulness certificate which Is the correct size, and IS kept in the correct size glovebox, and DOES have the correct specification of lock on it.. BUT

he had his surname on it, which is a safeguarding breach, as surnames are not allowed - and he had mistakenly thought that the mindfulness certificates were supposed to have surnames on, to prove who had been trained, so this is a management failure, as the correct procedure had not been explained to the driver, and noone had checked it was being followed.

(And my most recent experience of ofsted, a few months ago, I was reprimanded because a student handed in an exercise book with their surname one)

And I hope this explains why teachers feel ofsted has a hugely negative effect on education

Sounds easier than a CQC inspection

As a teacher....this basically sums it up!

I have been in education for about 12 years and in that time so so so so so much has changed. It's a running joke that usually as soon as you get your head around something new, something else is introduced and you have to now do things that way.... Then changed again and again and again.....

Just one example.... Changing all gcses to exam only and removing coursework subjects or not counting them as GCSEs. Because kids should be tested with 100% exams like the good old days... or whatever the reason was! So no longer catering for the students that aren't very good at sitting exams and do better with coursework. Then realise a few years later that actually, these students should be catered for after all! So introduce T-levels....

I'm leaving this summer! Had enough of the education system and the hoops we have to jump through

Sorry, I just thought it was a review that you were teaching the curriculum, that you were able to actually teach and knew about things like safeguarding....you got told off because s child had their surname on a book.

How the hell do you manage with all the kevins, Wayne's, Sharon and traceys or whatever the current in fashion name is?

I used to teach in further education and it drove me mad. Everyone used to panic and do loads of stuff they normally wouldn't, teach in ways they normally wouldn't (because what ofsted want doesn't always suit what the students need!) and all to give ofsted a tiny snapshot of how the place actually runs.
I remember once we were rated good and the department manager called us into a meeting to tell us. No one was bothered. She commented that she had never "seen a team less proud of such an achievement". She was newish.
Every single person in the room knew we didn't deserve the grade. That all we had done was patch the holes and bullshit just enough for the inspectors not to notice.
I left teaching shortly afterwards. The whole thing is bollocks.

Don't forget that Multi-Automobile Team has bought several local taxi firms, and now there's several layers of CEO/Chief of driving and car quality/Assistant Chief Vice Executive of Mindfulness in Vehicle Journeys, who no longer drive any taxis anymore because they've got their National Professional Qualification on Awesome Presentations about Car Colours. This new layer of management have been doing lots of training in their spare time with Ofstopolis.

The Ofstopolis bods from the big MAT kindly offer to consult your tiny little taxi company, and now your taxi leadership team of 4 has doubled to 8, and each one is telling your taxi drivers they need to prove they're doing different things to make the passenger experience excellent.
Your tiny taxi firm is struggling to keep your cars valeted and you're spending money out your own pockets on air fresheners, but lots of people are sitting on large Taxi Leadership Responsibilities for doing less driving than they used to.

Now you're down more drivers but you're meant to still get the same number of passengers from A-B.

For me the worst thing ofsted imposed was brain gym. It was such complete rubbish, and based on a total misunderstanding of basic anatomy, and yet we all had to sit in endless training sessions listen to total idiots try and tell us that you can reach into your cartoid arteries by sticking your finger in your chest and wiggling it, and the children should sit with their ankles crossed to spell better.

It was clearly total bunkham at the time, and has been proven to be so since- so why were some ofsted teams telling schools they expected to see teachers trained in this and using it? Were they really so taken in that they thought this pile of woo had any scientific basis? Is so, how did we get to the point where people so ignorant think they are able to make these judgements, and are in a position to impose their ignorance on others? If not . then just WTF?

Brain gym lodged itself into schools for years, every single penny or second spent on it was time and resources taken away from education, and for what?

well, one of the worst

VAK is the zombie that won't die. It's as bad, if not worse, than brain gym.

Yup spot on. Ofsted are now two years overdue at my husband's school. I've watched as his every Sunday/Monday/Tuesday/Wednesdays are stress ridden and sleep disturbed. If they haven't called by Wednesday afternoon they're not coming this week and he gets a reprieve for a few days before the cycle starts again. Every week. He now takes medication to control his blood pressure, no personal or family cardiac history, not overweight, under 50, just so very very stressed. I don't know if he's a 'good' teacher, I'm a nurse that's out of my area of expertise. What I do know is that past students and their families have written to him accrediting their GCSE successes with the help he gave them with their maths at Primary school. I don't think I can even remember my Primary school teachers' names! How he still cares and keeps going I don't know, but he does.

I really feel for you @Nimbostratus100 and think your analogy is perfect.
I have friends and relatives who’s are teachers and I don’t know how they cope with it. So many are cutting the number of days they work, just holding on until they can retire or leave but hating every minute spent on this bullshit.

yes, that is another one- ofsted wanted us all to assess the "Learning styles" of each pupil and record it in the register - I still have some parents sometimes that ask me about their child's "learning style" - this is the problem of course, children learn this hookum, and have left school before it is disproved, and ofsted have latched onto something else, so they are still walking round believing it is real, and we should be using it for their children.

VAK is very very stupid, very disruptive to education, and you are right, it has been totally disproved, but it just wont die

yep!

O, and also, you are not allowed to use the main routes any more, traffic calming measures

It is just a nightmare, how are people supposed to live like this? A poster on another thread suggested that there would be less stress if there was less notice, and inspectors arrived without warning, but it isn't even the notice period that is stressful, it is the days and weeks and years spent expecting the notice to arrive

We were criticised by an Inspector because our year 2 and 3 children couldn't explain what they knew about Protected Characteristics. They could say that we need to treat everyone fairly, that you shouldn't hate anyone because they are different to you, that all people are unique and this makes the world a wonderful place but they didn't recognise the terminology used. The inspector actually said" Are you taught about Protected Characteristics" One year 3, bless him, said " We learn about dinosaurs" and beamed!

We had ofsted this week and I was trying to explain why schools felt so pressured by it. I explained all the usual and he still said it was no different to any other industry that is monitored and inspected.
The thing that hit home with him was the wider issue a negative ofsted inspection has. Potential parents look at it and apply elsewhere which means the school gets less funding. Potential house buyers look at the local schools and buy near the good or outstanding schools because they want their children to go there so the house prices in the area drop.
it’s not just about the ridiculous hoops we have to go through to ‘pass’ it’s about the weight of responsibility knowing what a negative outcome can lead to.
and it’s soul destroying to always try your best and it’s never bloody good enough.

Explain to DH that should be

As an ex primary teacher (and someone who now home educates their own children) this is a fantastic analogy of Ofsted.
As tragic as the circumstances are that have led to this being in the public eye, I for one am glad that awareness is finally being raised on this.

Don't forget to use the same manual weather it's a bus, a 4x4, a mini or a scooter - after all one size fits all!

Whether (it's the gin after ofsted this week 🤣)

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2008/apr/07/education

Oops I dont know why it came up like that. I thought it was an interesting article

This is unbelievably accurate. So glad I’m not in teaching anymore. Anyone who supports Ofsted in its current form is either ignorant or evil - there’s no alternative option.

Excellent op.

As a teacher, I would say this sums it up beautifully.

Can I ask what you suggest would be a workable alternative?

An external body looking at results, progress and safeguarding...or what?

I can see that constantly changing goalposts must be a nightmare to deal with, but what do you think would be better?