To not want to ring my dad?

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My dad is 79 and I'm 40
I'm an only child and my mum passed when I was young.
My anxiety is sky high as I've had a lot trauma
I ring my dad daily three times a day
9 am,2pm and 6pm (he doesn't ask me too)
He is fit and well ,no health issues
Independent ,shops ,cooks (looks younger too )
Yet I'm still terrified of something bad happening
If he doesn't answer first ring I panic

Anyway next week I'm going abroad for 4 nights but the anxiety before every call ruins my holiday.
All I can think of is the next call,and who to ring if he doesn't answer (police etc )
I just want a nice holiday
I want to turn off my phone and just be happy
Aibu if I don't ring till I get back to England ?

It may well be taking a strain on him knowing how bad your anxiety is but not seeking help, knowing how worried you'll be if he misses a call, he may well feel he can't go out or live his life normally to make sure he doesn't miss these calls and have you call the police if he doesn't answer

I'm afraid it is. Having to accept multiple calls a day from you for fear of upsetting you and making you anxious must be tiring and stressful for him.

Try thinking of him occasionally, not about him and all the things that could possibly go wrong.

He goes out every day
Walking the dog ,three times a week to the club in town to meet his friends
I don't ring him on the afternoon when he is out with his friends
Just the days he is home alone
Well he has a dog who he walks three times a day daily
I do know my worry is out of control
Like I say I'm so used to bad things happening I'm always on edge waiting for the next thing

And what are you doing to manage these feelings?

So judgemental and condescending.

Can you phone him at night after dinner see how his day was ?

What are you like if you don't phone is it too much for you the anxiety must be exhausting.

If you can find a good counsellor who you trust this will give you the chance to talk things over and start to manage the anxiety that you feel. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot and this will change the way you see the world and heighten your worry about other bad things happening. I haven’t lost a parent but struggled with awful health related anxiety after I had a parent in ICU when I was a teenager. I’m still working on it but finding a brilliant counsellor to work through things has really helped me to reduce my anxiety to a more manageable level day to day. It’s very difficult to adapt really ingrained thoughts and behaviours without some outside support.

But truthful

Please see your GP. This is no way to live. It really isn't.

I understand that the bereavments you've had have damaged you, but it's time to start mending yourself.

My mum is 89, my aunt (single, no children) is 94. I speak to them each once a week. They both wear pendant alarms (though I'm pretty sure aunt barely wears hers), but she had great neighbors who check on her or would notice if they hadn't seen her/curtains aren't opened etc.

To help wean you of the calls, is there a neighbour who would notice if he didn't leave the house at normal times?

But you really need some help with your feeling. Please make an appointment

Can you imagine how it feels to have someone calling 3x a day to say “are you dead yet?”. Your poor dad must be so stressed and unable to tell you how damaging it is, brocade he’s more concerned about your mental health.

Like I say I'm so used to bad things happening I'm always on edge waiting for the next thing

Op your mother passed away when you're young that's a huge blow.

But losing elderly relatives as you're approaching middle age is just life I'm afraid, people don't live forever. You really need to work on accepting that.