To sometimes just not want to talk?

[Whatshemessingwithnow]

Does anyone else feel like they cba to talk and would like to just sit quietly?
This evening at dinner, Dh has just arrived home from work and we were all eating (me, him and Dd, 4) and it felt as though he started firing questions at me, he’s the same when I’ve just woken up in the morning too. I was eating and replying, but perhaps not with much enthusiasm and he got pissed off and said I wasn’t even talking.
I understand his point of view, but also, I’d been up since 5.30 am as Dd woke early, I’d been working, dropping & picking up Dd, doing a food shop, walking the dog, tidying up after her, making the dinner etc etc…Dd is wonderful, but v energetic and chatty, she’s quite intense and demands a lot of my attention and talks from the minute she wakes up until she goes to sleep.
By 6pm I honestly just want to shut the hell up and be alone 🙈
I’m also a person who is ok with my own company and I love sitting alone and being quiet…it’s so rare now, which I get, but should Dh understand this is the way I am and accept me for that and not get angry of Aibu? Can I not be myself in my own home?

*Or Aibu?

I totally understand, I work in a customer facing role (retail) and have to be 'nice' & chatty all the time ... it is a charity shop so all my 'staff' are volunteers and I have to be very nice and chatty to them too of course, even when I am screaming inside 'please just let me get on with my job I really don't want to hear about your dog or DGC' . When I get home I just want to switch off and talk to no one! My DH is retired and I think he looks forward to seeing me to have some conversation. He's actually away this week and I have booked a day's holiday to spend a day completely alone and talk to nobody.

I’m exactly the same OP. I need time to recharge & find it a relief not to be talking the whole time.

I understand you just wanting some to.just 'be'. It won't be when you are all eatung ur evenin meal though
Is there any way u can build in some time during the day when you do this? If you can then at least you will be ready for the doublr onslaught when your hubby comes home. It natural to want to have conversation when you are around a table.

@BCBird I’m never alone really! I work when dd is at school, then am with her her around all those hours.

When the DC were young, DH used to come home and sit cuddling them on the sofa and watch TV.

I used to hide in the kitchen to cooke dinner, no radio or music just SILENCE

When I worked in schools I used to need an hour after getting home of just peace and quiet. Fine to be sitting in the same room as others but preferably totally alone just with my own thoughts and nothing disturbing me!
Have a totally different job now and currently mostly wfh and I’m fine to go and find someone to hang out with as soon as I close my laptop!
However dh is a total morning irritating bastard and thinks nothing of firing off questions in a chirpy manner while I’m still lying in bed like a crabby witch. I just ignore him because I can’t bring myself to use any words for at least 15 minutes after waking up, ideally an hour or two 😂
I think it’s normal to need some down time to decompress.

Totally empathise. On occasion ive informed DH I need to eat dinner alone and recharge before I can face doing bedtime. He's fine with it.

I'm a mix, sometimes I'll have the convo in my mind, but with other people it's a mix at times

Oh I see. Is there any way you can have an hour alone when your husband comes home?

How can you eat and talk at the same time.

Just tell him to shut up lol

My DC (12 and 8) are both very chatty. I have friends who say getting their kids to talk to them about their day is hard work and they hardly speak to them. I have trouble shutting mine up. They would both tell me every single thing that happen to them throughout the whole school day if I let them. I have to referee to give them equal chance to speak. In the car it is constant questions, discussions, telling me facts, asking to play word games. They can't even watch a film without constant chatter. In the evening after they are in bed I sit in complete silence, I couldn't watch TV or listen to music. Even reading a book feels like being talked at. I think my need to be in my own company and be left alone does cause problems with friends (and why I'm single probably).

I'm the same; in a healthcare role and have present a front all day. Endless conversations with endless people. It does my head in. I need the evenings to be silent.

Yanbu op.

If I only had one hour spare per week, I would choose sitting in my favourite chair in the sun in my house, alone and in peace.

Not sure whether it's age/menopause/the bliss of being divorced...but whatever, I love silence.

Yeah, I feel like this too sometimes - My DH, as much as I love him, has days where he just WILL NOT STOP TALKING.

SOME days, he can't go more than 60 seconds without filling the 'silence' with talking. And half the time it's drivel. Nonsensical drivel. He gives me a running commentary of what he's watching on TV too. Even if I am not watching it, and am trying to read, or chat to people (online/on forums etc,) and it's HIS programme, he still chats through it. Through his OWN PROGRAMME. He also blathers on about what he's looking at on his computer and phone, when I am busy/doing something myself/WORKING........... I DON'T CARE!'

He comes home from work off nights (he does nights every third week - 10pm til 7am,) and if I am up when he gets in at 7.20am ish, he starts blathering on about the night shift and all his work gossip, when I have JUST WOKEN UP. Then when he gets up at 3-4pm, he tells me all over again. I say 'you told me that this morning at 7.45am!' He says 'oh, well never mind, I'll tell you again anyway.'

Got to the point now where if he's on nights, even if I am awake, I lie in bed til I hear him go to bed... usually around 8am... (Separate bedrooms thank God,) Then I give it 20 minutes and then get up. (I can choose my work hours thankfully.)

He has commented on this a few times lately, and said 'how come you always get up just after I go to bed?' (Obviously still half awake when I get up!) 'Oh,' I say, 'you must disturb me from my slumber I suppose...' Don't know if he's convinced, but I do it coz I CBA to listen to him chatting shit for half an hour JUST after I have woken up. (The shame shit he will tell me 6-7 hours later.)

SAME shit, not shame!

Absolutely get this, not long home, also desperate just for even 30 mins of quiet once home from work, but DH just loves to talk, and talk intensively! He says he talks passionately about things, which he does, but I often feel I'm just being talked AT and after busy day of dealing with patients, their families and colleagues I just feel that my head is whirling and buzzing!!

@DannyZukosSmile that would do my head in. Have you told him how annoying and anti social it is to invade people's personal space with constant chatter? I'm really trying to educate my children to understand the social norms of knowing when to shut up - less is more and all that.

@DannyZukosSmile I should have just copy and pasted what you wrote! Do you think we could just give them each others numbers to blether at each other and we can get peace?! 😊

My house is often chaos and I just crave peace and quiet ! I often go into my shell when things are getting too much for me. It’s hard to explain that sometimes to dh , he thinks I’ve gone all cold but really I am just coping .

I am like this.
I am middle leadership in a secondary school so when I'm not tending to the needs of 30 teenagers, I am listening to the gripes of my department or being given work to do by SLT.

I then come home and have DS6 and DH compete for my attention with equally dull nonsense.

As soon as the school calendars come out I look at them to check whether a) DS has any training days we are both at work requiring childcare and b) whether I get a day off to myself. In the quiet. Alone.

Yanbu, however I can see where your dh is coming from, I'm a very chatty person and my new bf of 1 year is quite quiet in general, we get on great but sometimes it comes across as if he is in a mood and will be quite dry in conversation as you described yourself to be like, and it's hard to read at times, I will be sitting chatting away asking questions and be getting one word answers even if there's absolutely nothing wrong but it makes me feel a bit on edge at times.
On the other hand I love my own company and being alone with my thoughts. I think at the dinner table is somewhere you should be chatting about your day, however you definitely do need some headspace if you are nonstop, could you maybe go for a bath for an hour every night whilst leaving your dh to mind dd.

A friend of mine told me her dad came home from.work and woukd spend an hour in a separate room from every one else. This was about 30yrs ago. I.tnought it was odd but now I can see why. Chance to unwind.

I have mentioned it, and he quiet for a bit, and then has phases of rattling on again! As I said, not all the time, but some times.