To sometimes just not want to talk?

[Whatshemessingwithnow]

Does anyone else feel like they cba to talk and would like to just sit quietly?
This evening at dinner, Dh has just arrived home from work and we were all eating (me, him and Dd, 4) and it felt as though he started firing questions at me, he’s the same when I’ve just woken up in the morning too. I was eating and replying, but perhaps not with much enthusiasm and he got pissed off and said I wasn’t even talking.
I understand his point of view, but also, I’d been up since 5.30 am as Dd woke early, I’d been working, dropping & picking up Dd, doing a food shop, walking the dog, tidying up after her, making the dinner etc etc…Dd is wonderful, but v energetic and chatty, she’s quite intense and demands a lot of my attention and talks from the minute she wakes up until she goes to sleep.
By 6pm I honestly just want to shut the hell up and be alone 🙈
I’m also a person who is ok with my own company and I love sitting alone and being quiet…it’s so rare now, which I get, but should Dh understand this is the way I am and accept me for that and not get angry of Aibu? Can I not be myself in my own home?

😆

I like a chat and DH is very quiet so sometimes it feels like pulling teeth. I remember though when I lived at home my mother would just talk at me though and it was constant drivel. I used to think ‘can you just let me get in and settled ffs!’ It was relentless, I did say once ‘can you just not talk at me for a wee while!’ and got ‘ooh look who’s taking, you talk all the time, we used to look for an off switch..,blah fucking blah!’

I need time on my own each day too so I get the need for alone time. But when do you want to chat with DH then? I can see why he'd be upset as dinner time is often a time when family members catch up on the events of the day.

Could you leave your DD in an adjoining room for a short while to colour or watch TV while you get dinner ready or have a quiet coffee on your own? She doesn't have to be with you every minute, does she? She'd probably like some time on her own to unwind too after school.

YANBU, I have to mentally prepare myself for school pick up and when DH gets home, it's exhausting.

Oh that's me. After 7:30pm I just want everyone to shut the hell up. Instead, I have a family that talk non-stop.

Hi Op
Of course it's natural to need some peace in your life after a busy day or time,

It's a healthy balance between being social and being comfortable with yourself on your own with minimum of distractions, and noise ,

Trying to find somewhere peaceful outdoor.!, ,

God that's like holy grail or something, !

Put it thus way its not allways easy to find some space that you can reflect be at one with yourself,
In this modern 🌎 world, !!

Where you are expected to be running 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️ around like headless 🐔 chicken a lot /of time ...

I am mix

I am mixture , sometimes I can be quite extrovert in right comfortable settings other times I can be reticent feel out of my depth and just quite happily to be just in the background amongst people like in a hobby interest situation or just like Black and white vintage old 🎥 Swedish films star Greta Garbo , "

" who uttered the the immortal words "I want to alone "

I think it all depends on what someone’s silence does to the atmosphere in the house. Is there music playing lightly in the background for instance or is it just plain, awkward silence feeling like there is tension in the air? My DH is very quiet and I like to have a conversation at the dinner table. DC can be quiet or chatty depending on the day. I don’t think your DH should push you to speak if you prefer not to but it does feel awkward to all sit around just eating with someone not speaking very much.

I do shifts in nurseries at times from 8-6. You can definitely bet that I am good for nothing after that especially conversations.
I definitely like the idea of being alone for an hour after work. Think that's a great idea and benefits everyone in the long run. Know this isn't possible in your case OP but you are definitely not being unreasonable. I don't get the need for constant chat either even when I have the energy. Don't see the point and find it draining.

@MyGuitarGentlyWeeps The tv is on in the background, Dd is talking, dog is running to the window barking…never ever silence 😅

@Alittlestar She just follows me into the kitchen 🙈she’ll be playing independently but coming in and out all the time, talking or asking when it’s ready.

I think I’m just too tired by the evening to want to talk and my head often hurts with all the stuff to do and all the chatter and noise.

I'm by nature quite gregarious and talkative and love a good chat but at the end of a long day I often need quiet time to decompress. If someone expected a performative conversation over dinner I would find that utterly exhausting.

DH sounds rather thoughtless and “firing questions” at you doesn’t sound like nice normal conversation. Especially when he does it when you’ve just woken up in the morning as well. That would do my head in. Is he one of those people who can’t stand silence? Is he able to have a normal conversation, and can he ever just sit quietly with you?

I don't often feel like this at home, but I definitely do at work. I always read a book at lunchtime, it's a good signal for other people to piss off and leave me alone. I had to read a book on my phone one day this week because I finished my physical book in the morning, and people joined me 😕

@FictionalCharacter He was asking what we did today, how work was etc, normal questions and not unreasonable u suppose, but then he’ll often talk/moan about things at work or how tired he is, sounds awful, but I just really can’t be arsed with it anymore 😬not sure what’s wrong with me

*I suppose

Distinct lack of full stops there 🙄

Oh I could have written this today! I just wanted to shout ‘shut up’ at DH this evening and all he was doing was trying to chat. I just wasn’t in the form and wanted to left alone.
I went to bed at 9.30 ( unusual for me ) not because I was tired, just to get away from them all!

you are not being unreasonable.

Nothing is wrong with you. Please don’t think that way.

In the mornings, I actually wait in the loo sometimes for him to go to work (he leaves quite early) as I just need time to wake up and am on auto pilot making coffee and Dds breakfast and don’t really want to have a conversation, just to sit with my coffee, wake up, check my phone etc
I sound fun don’t I 😂

I was always bad in the mornings, but full of chat after work and other times…before having a child

After a full on day everyone needs some quiet time surely.

My son knows that when I get home I need 20 minutes of silence and me time - I literally lie on the settee and watch mindless tv to switch off. Once I've done that I am much better company and enjoy chatting.
If I don't get it I feel stressed and worn out.

and mornings - no, sod that. I need to focus on waking up, getting boy out to school, getting ready for work. Only once at work can I relax and get a cup of tea and start being sociable

I'm the same. I work from home but I'm on the phone in meetings a lot of the day, the rest of the time my mind is racing doing actual work. When I finish I just need quiet.

There are times when I actually find I struggle to speak when I need quiet time. I'm sure if I ever do eventually snap I'll go completely mute. It's like a retreat I guess

Are you having enough time to connect as a couple? Admittedly if my DH wanted to sit in silence when he gets home from work and was avoiding me in the mornings I'd be a little worried for our marriage. Are you OK with your DH and its literally just because you are tired? Or is the relationship falling a little flat? Sorry if that seems like a jump! Just a thought that came to mind.

Slippery slope when you stop talking to each other.