To say no to babysitting

[xvixix]

looking for some advice I’ve read a few of these threads and find them really helpful.

I am a single mum to 4 children 3 of which have additional needs (asd) I don’t work at the moment because my youngest who is 18 months has a lot of appointments. 2 of my kids stll attend primary school so obviously I pick them up at 3.

my cousins also have their kids at the same school and work full time. recently it started with one of them asking every now again if I could pick her child up after school until her daughter finished high school which wasn’t a problem but now it’s 3/4 times a week, also she will ask me last minute like an hour before pick up which makes me feel like I can’t say no. I don’t mind helping out but now I’m starting to feel taken advantage of and she thinks we’ll I’m picking my kids up already so why not.

I barely have time to myself as it is and when her child comes over he constantly argues with my other child of a similar age. It’s starting to frustrate me too that I never hear from her either unless she wants me to do pick ups. I hate confrontation and I’ve had fall outs with her in the past but also because she’s family and I would still see her at drop offs. I feel bad but also I’m stressed and overwhelmed myself with my own kids and their needs.

AIBU to say no I can no longer do picks up for her?

No matter what you say, she's going to have a tantrum.
You need to be ok with that. It's not your problem and she can't bully or guilt trip you into be ring her childcare.

Your message is fine. Send it.

Interested to see her response to you

If you give reasons then it can be used against you. Oh I know you can't help because your life is so disorganized. Oh now that your court date is over surely you can help again. Oh you think you have it hard, your problems are nothing compared to mine I have a mean boss who makes me walk uphill both ways through rain and snow to work how can you abandon me etc. Keep it short and sweet.

"I won’t be able to pick up X after school anymore, so please don't ask. I have my own four children to sort out. I have a lot going on at the moment and I don’t have any time to myself so It's too much to be asked at very short notice to take on a 5th child up to 4 times a week. I am not an insured or registered childminder."

Also. You say she will make you feel bad.

She's already making you feel bad! and She's not wringing her hands about it- she couldn't give a stuff. It is NOT your job to look after her child. A neighbour used to do this to me and specialised in asking at the very last minute to make me feel I couldn't say no as it was always an emergency. Except it wasn't an emergency and like you she started off asking once a week, until it was nearly every day.

You didn't give up a salary to enable her to earn one. YOu did it to give your children full attention.

You will be so relieved when you put a stop to this CF. And it will be interesting to notice that as soon as you say no to her - all your previous good deeds will be forgotten. But NO is what you must keep saying. As you said she doesn't even thank you now.. and that's because it would give you an opportunity to open up discussions. If she accosts you about it just keep repeating - I have too much to deal with at the moment. I cannot do it.
In a way, it doesn't matter if she falls out with you - as you will be so relieved when you can just pick up your own children and take them home.

YANBU. Let us know her response! Rooting for you.

"Demand is so great I've decided to start a school pickup business. Will have two slots at 100 quid per week, payable monthly in advance, starting next week. Let me know by tomorrow if you want to sign on, and I'll send my bank info."

thanks everyone I decided on sending this:

Hiya I just wanted to let you know I won’t be able to do pick ups after school anymore I’ve got a lot on right now x

and I got no reply lol

Brilliant 👏 well done

How do you feel? I hope you're not anxious.

a little the hardest part was pressing send! But I’m glad it’s done now and the fact that I’ve not even had a reply back shows me she was just using me and I don’t want people like that in my life x

Absolutely. No more freeloaders and users.

You'll be running around soon, with stock phrases "NO!", "That doesn't work for me", like an expert 😁

I bet you feel a weight has come off both shoulders - well done! And use this incidence to repel anyone else using you like their personal unpaid resource. It gets easier with practice. 🌹

Perfect and to the point.

CF's like her won't let that message stop them.

So when she asks again or rings you, as is highly likely, don't engage again.

Not replying nor answering the phone is best.

If she approaches you, just repeat what you said in the text.

Well done! hope the CF’s on Mumsnet

Someone who cared about you would have responded with ways to help you, especially considering all you've done for them.

Why isn't she saying "can I help you in anyway, maybe take the kids for a bit this weekend to give you a breather?" And return the favours you've been doing her?

Because she's a CF, so don't feel obliged to help out anymore.

Well done. Expect her to play the victim tho.

Ask her for payment, if its going to be a regular thing she'll soon stop

Well done you.
Firm and to the point
She will move on to her next 'victim' , these types always do!

Thanks everyone she’s read and ignored it, tells me everything I need to know. Clearly used and now she doesn’t need me I get thrown away. Not nice but at least I know my instincts were right now x

Good on you for standing up for yourself!

You sure she is not on Mumsnet?

Good for you OP.
If she gave was a true friend she would ask how you are and if there was anything she could do to help.
Her silence proves she is a CF and a user.

Perfect

To the point

Thank you. You’re right I thought about giving an explanation but then thought about what everyone else said that she won’t care and she obviously doesn’t

I was going to suggest you get in first and ask her to pick up your children "since she'll be there anyway."😉