To say no to babysitting

[xvixix]

looking for some advice I’ve read a few of these threads and find them really helpful.

I am a single mum to 4 children 3 of which have additional needs (asd) I don’t work at the moment because my youngest who is 18 months has a lot of appointments. 2 of my kids stll attend primary school so obviously I pick them up at 3.

my cousins also have their kids at the same school and work full time. recently it started with one of them asking every now again if I could pick her child up after school until her daughter finished high school which wasn’t a problem but now it’s 3/4 times a week, also she will ask me last minute like an hour before pick up which makes me feel like I can’t say no. I don’t mind helping out but now I’m starting to feel taken advantage of and she thinks we’ll I’m picking my kids up already so why not.

I barely have time to myself as it is and when her child comes over he constantly argues with my other child of a similar age. It’s starting to frustrate me too that I never hear from her either unless she wants me to do pick ups. I hate confrontation and I’ve had fall outs with her in the past but also because she’s family and I would still see her at drop offs. I feel bad but also I’m stressed and overwhelmed myself with my own kids and their needs.

AIBU to say no I can no longer do picks up for her?

Do this. Please do this.

And then "no, that does work for me".

CF.

Well done!

Well done! You must feel so relieved.

Good on you OP!

Noticing that she doesn't offer to help you in return while you have a lot on.

Well done OP. I hope this makes you feel a little bolder - you took charge and made a change.

Maybe tell the school as well that you are not picking up anymore

So if her child is left at school they need to contact the mum

Or they could ring her and will say - oh no @xvixix must have forgotten to pick up

Making you look bad

So an email to school office just stating this covers your back and a paper trail

Well done, OP! Receiving no response to your message was the absolute best you could have hoped for - at least no back and forth trying to justify yourself. If she wants to fall out with you or be funny about it, let her!

This is well worded and leaves no room for argument although CFs do push it

Yanbu. It pisses me off when working mums take full advantage of mums who don’t work. You have enough on your plate already without picking their kids up 3 or 4 times a week and at the last minute too.
I have 4 children, 3 of children with additional needs too. I really have no headspace for other people’s kids once a week let alone 4 times.

The whole, “Well you’re going that way anyway….” really winds me up too. It’s a manipulative expression to back someone in a corner so they can’t say no.

People need to take responsibility for their own school runs and if that means paying money for breakfast clubs and after school clubs then so be it. Constantly expecting other people to bail you out is really annoying, especially when they have enough going on in their own lives without you.

Exactly they don’t realise how hard it is with kids with additional needs it’s oh you have 4 already what’s an extra one 🙄 still haven’t had a response but I don’t feel anxious about it anymore. I’m glad I managed to get past that anxiety of her falling out with my and putting myself first for a change x

Wonder if she will message you Monday

As I said above make sure school know you won't be picking up anymore
And they call her if child is left behind

I had a fellow mum like this who would put me in a position where if I didn’t pick up the child no one would. Her phone was always apparently dying to add to the sense of urgency.

I got pissed off with the guilt and just started being unreliable and vague. Saying “sorry, unavailable today” or not opening her texts until much later “mad day, hope you sorted it”. Didn’t take long for her to start ignoring my existence 😆

Nice one OP.

Doesn't sound like any great loss, if you never hear from her again

Your short and to the point message was excellent OP and the fact that she didn’t have the manners to reply shows you did the right thing. You’re clearly very kind and helpful, but even the loveliest and most generous of people have to know when to put themselves first!

Im really not assertive with things like this, but have gone through similar with a friend. 2 of my children have SEN and one of hers does.
I either hope I can see the message without clicking on it, and ignore, or make up an excuse i.e, were seeing my aunty tonight etc or MIL is coming for dinner. I'm knackered, my eldest doesn't like people in our home or people saying "I'll just pop up to see him, he'lll come downstairs for me"
Nah, he wont. I love having my friends kids over sometimes, but with a week's notice and drop off time. They're the opposite, say "come down whenever you want" gives me anxiety lol.can you just ignore messages or make excuses, some people (me) aren't ready for the full blown boundaries yet.

Did the CF ever reply to you OP?

Should we call 999 to see if cousin went ballistic on OP about having to pick up her own kids?