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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws coming to stay

56 replies

crazygiuseppe888 · 22/03/2023 22:14

Am I being unreasonable?

My wife's in laws have booked to come and stay with us. The problem is, they didn't check with us before doing so and we are due to be away on a weekend break on the day the arrive as well as two further days.

After a number of exchanges where we each explored changing dates, it seems nobody can easily do so, so the 'next best option' has been for the family to stay here in our absence.

The issue is that I dislike having people staying in the house when we are not at home. The first reason is that our last house-sitter caused several hundreds of pounds worth of accidental damage while looking after the house. The second reason is that we have an extremely rural home with lots of things (such as the heating and hot water facilities) that need to be supervised and done in the right way in order to prevent problems. Thirdly, if a door or gate is left unlocked, a criminal or trespasser would have hours doing what they wanted before being challenged. The long and the short is that I cannot relax on holiday with people staying here.

I wish to cancel our weekend break (the money lost will be about £200). My wife is insistent that we are not cancelling and given my feelings, is insisting her family stays in a hotel, which to me feels inhospitable. I appreciate a lot of my issue is anxiety, but if I have anxiety on holiday, there is no point in being there.

What do people think?

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 22/03/2023 22:17

Why do they have to come? What's hard about them just not going?!

I would hate other people to be in my house too op but if you thought about your parents staying in your absence would be feel the same way?
If not, then just think how your wife feels.

Ktime · 22/03/2023 22:19

Your wife is absolutely right. Your in laws need to learn to check with you before making plans to visit. Serves them right, let the, learn this lesson.

Original poster
crazygiuseppe888 · 22/03/2023 22:19

I should have been clear that they have flights booked from the other side of the world.

OP posts:
Greendoor12 · 22/03/2023 22:19

Big fat no from me people staying in my house when I’m not here. Or when I am here actually!

ToTheMoonandBack2xRoundthesun · 22/03/2023 22:19

Let them stay in the hotel. You had prior arrangements made , it doesn't give anyone the right to come and use your house at their leisure. Family or not.

Ktime · 22/03/2023 22:20

crazygiuseppe888 · 22/03/2023 22:19

I should have been clear that they have flights booked from the other side of the world.

So they can stay with you when you return from your weekend away.

They must be either spectacularly stupid or spectacularly arrogant to fly from the other wise of the world eithout warning you.

dietcokelime · 22/03/2023 22:22

They can stay in a nice hotel somewhere first and perhaps come and stay when you're back? Who on earth books flights from the other side of the world without checking dates??

LondonPretty · 22/03/2023 22:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Richhandcream · 22/03/2023 22:25

Let them stay in the hotel until you get back. Problem solved. They’ve foisted themselves on you without asking, it’s not inhospitable to let them wait a couple of days to come to your home.

Aoneslicesandwichisonlyahalfsandwich · 22/03/2023 22:26

I’d hate anyone staying in my home whilst I was away. It’s bad enough having guest when I’m there. DM is the opposite and would let anyone stay, whether she’s there or not.

underneaththeash · 22/03/2023 22:26

This happened to us several times (Dh’s relatives not checking dates). They stayed in a hotel or one one occasion when we were on holiday, went back home to the states.

Fluffodils · 22/03/2023 22:28

My wife is insistent that we are not cancelling and given my feelings, is insisting her family stays in a hotel, which to me feels inhospitable.

It is inhospitable. But that's fine. They should have asked. They have done something very idiotic.

Suetcrust · 22/03/2023 22:36

THIS!
“Let them stay in the hotel. You had prior arrangements made , it doesn't give anyone the right to come and use your house at their leisure. Family or not.”

SummerInSun · 22/03/2023 22:40

Agree with PP - this is your wife's family and her problem to sort out. She has sorted it out with a simple solution - they stay in the hotel getting over their jet lag while you enjoy your weekend away, then all meet up at your place when you are back. After all, do they want to be stuck in an extremely rural spot (would they have a car?) with temperamental hot water, heating, etc, without you anyway?

Jadviga · 22/03/2023 22:43

I live far away from family (over 12h flight) and I wouldn't DREAM of booking a flight without checking the dates with them first.

Let them stay in a hotel. Hopefully that'll be a lesson learnt for the future. Unbelievable.

FairyBatman · 22/03/2023 22:45

What do you actually want?

You don’t feel comfortable with them in the house when you aren’t there, which is reasonable, so your wife has sorted it, and now you are unhappy because it’s inhospitable…

Totalwasteofpaper · 22/03/2023 22:46

The wifes in laws are your parents!

Apart From that yanbu.

Either you or they book a hotel or a break someplace else stratford upon avon oxford or Cambridge if they are flying into London.

Schoolchoicesucks · 22/03/2023 22:53

Presumably they are not flying from the other side of the world to stay in your remote rural home without seeing you.

So presumably they can stay in a hotel and do some other visits while you are away and visit with you either when you return or travel to see you where you are away.

Or, it is is sufficiently rare a visit that you would cancel your plans to host them during their stay.

Neither of those mean they would have to stay in your rural home without you.

MysteryBelle · 22/03/2023 22:57

Let them stay in the hotel. They will learn next time to coordinate schedules with their hosts! Very rude of them. You gave very good reasons for not having anyone stay while you’re not home.

They can stay at hotel and you can relax on your break. It’s not inhospitable at all, they should have checked with you first.

HappinessDragon · 22/03/2023 23:01

Not your problem to solve. You didn't book the flights or invite them. Once had similar with a family member. They stayed two nights against my better judgment. When we arrived home they had already left. The place was a tip and they'd not only invited someone else to stay but they'd let them sleep in our bed! Lesson learned.

Cherrysoup · 22/03/2023 23:03

Hotel while you’re not there.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 22/03/2023 23:03

Of course your wife's right. Leave her to deal with her family as she sees fit.

With any luck them having to stay in a hotel will make them realise they can't just expect to be accommodated at the drop of a hat without checking in advance.

So what if it's inhospitable? It's significantly less rude than announcing them just rocking up and expecting to stay. They're lucky you weren't away for a fortnight!

GinIronic · 22/03/2023 23:04

Your in-laws have got their dates mixed up. Your wife is happy for them to stay in a hotel until you come home from your break. What is the issue?

SugarNspices · 22/03/2023 23:05

hotel obviously

Twinsmummy1812 · 22/03/2023 23:27

Depends really. If your wife is really looking forward to her family coming then can you just change the dates of your trip? Otherwise, yep they stay in a hotel and learn a valuable lesson!

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