In laws coming to stay

[crazygiuseppe888]

Am I being unreasonable?

My wife's in laws have booked to come and stay with us. The problem is, they didn't check with us before doing so and we are due to be away on a weekend break on the day the arrive as well as two further days.

After a number of exchanges where we each explored changing dates, it seems nobody can easily do so, so the 'next best option' has been for the family to stay here in our absence.

The issue is that I dislike having people staying in the house when we are not at home. The first reason is that our last house-sitter caused several hundreds of pounds worth of accidental damage while looking after the house. The second reason is that we have an extremely rural home with lots of things (such as the heating and hot water facilities) that need to be supervised and done in the right way in order to prevent problems. Thirdly, if a door or gate is left unlocked, a criminal or trespasser would have hours doing what they wanted before being challenged. The long and the short is that I cannot relax on holiday with people staying here.

I wish to cancel our weekend break (the money lost will be about £200). My wife is insistent that we are not cancelling and given my feelings, is insisting her family stays in a hotel, which to me feels inhospitable. I appreciate a lot of my issue is anxiety, but if I have anxiety on holiday, there is no point in being there.

What do people think?

Hotel definitely. And surely will be great for them to in that they can go and stay somewhere and see the sites. London would be best. You could help them plan out where to stay and where to visit. There's so much free stuff to do, I'm sure they will have a great time

I'm still trying to work out who your wife's in-laws are. They can only be your family, by definition.

If they've booked tickets etc. without checking with you first they are fools. They must go to a hotel.

The weekend break is clearly important for your wife to spend time away with you so cancelling that for people who didn’t check with you first before flying long haul seems extreme. 2 days in a hotel is really not a big deal. I am assuming before this all happened you also were keen to go?

If they are good people they wouldn’t want you to lose £200 and interfere with already made plans and they would also understand the value of you going away with your wife. I’m surprised they haven’t offered? or maybe they have?

There is nothing wrong with not wanting people to stay in your house whilst you are not there. That’s normal. My Mum is the same. Sometimes I think it’s odd but I respect it. It’s your home. I don’t think any less of her.

The key issue is here is your guilt. The fact you find it so uncomfortable to say no without feeling guilty. Is that something you often struggle with?

I wonder whether you are a bit too bothered about what they might think of you? Ie when a decision is made that’s a bit tricky you struggle with the guilt emotion.

It’s also normal to have to say no sometimes and be ok with that decision. If people respect you, they understand. If they don’t, it’s really their problem not yours.

In your favour, your wife is dealing with it anyway. So unless you are really just after getting out of going away with your wife- I’d just be happy she has dealt with it.

Enjoy your weekend ! You gave every right to. No one is going to suffer.

You’re worried about being inhospitable to people who make plans that include staying with you but tell you as an afterthought. They’re not worried about any plans that you might have so don’t worry yourself about their plans, just tell them it’s not convenient and you’ll see them, accommodate them even, when you get back from your relaxing break

Presumably they are coming for longer than 4 days. I'd say they stay in a hotel while your away and with you when you are back.

If they want to see you and stay with you they should rearrange. No money or skin off their nose and better all round surely. There's always another time and you shouldn't have to take the hit on your holiday or any of you missing out on time together. If they're looking for a weekend away and not wanting to see you they should spend the money to stay somewhere else not use your home as a free hotel.