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AIBU?

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Original poster

In laws coming to stay

56 replies

crazygiuseppe888 · 22/03/2023 22:14

Am I being unreasonable?

My wife's in laws have booked to come and stay with us. The problem is, they didn't check with us before doing so and we are due to be away on a weekend break on the day the arrive as well as two further days.

After a number of exchanges where we each explored changing dates, it seems nobody can easily do so, so the 'next best option' has been for the family to stay here in our absence.

The issue is that I dislike having people staying in the house when we are not at home. The first reason is that our last house-sitter caused several hundreds of pounds worth of accidental damage while looking after the house. The second reason is that we have an extremely rural home with lots of things (such as the heating and hot water facilities) that need to be supervised and done in the right way in order to prevent problems. Thirdly, if a door or gate is left unlocked, a criminal or trespasser would have hours doing what they wanted before being challenged. The long and the short is that I cannot relax on holiday with people staying here.

I wish to cancel our weekend break (the money lost will be about £200). My wife is insistent that we are not cancelling and given my feelings, is insisting her family stays in a hotel, which to me feels inhospitable. I appreciate a lot of my issue is anxiety, but if I have anxiety on holiday, there is no point in being there.

What do people think?

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 22/03/2023 23:27

I wonder if your wife actually wants to make a point by them staying at the hotel as she is not pleased that they haven’t consulted her about dates. Anyway it’s her family let’s her deal with it.
I don’t think staying at a hotel is rude somehow. Who books a visit without checking with hosts ? It’s very silly.

Luckyluv · 22/03/2023 23:31

Who the heck books flights from 'the other side of the world' to stay with family and not even ask them first??

JudgeRudy · 22/03/2023 23:37

It's one thing to accommodate them but don't accommodate their stupidity. They will have to stay elsewhere. Your wife would probably be willing to help them book somewhere suitable. This might give them an opportunity to do some siteseeing or similar. I'd also add a little extra travel time to your break. I wouldn't want to get back to an empty house at noon ready for guests at 2.

VenusClapTrap · 22/03/2023 23:48

I feel for you, op. BIL wanted to come and stay at ours for new year while we were on holiday. I said no, and felt really inhospitable and mean about it. But it was the right thing to do.

As for people booking flights from the other side of the world without checking dates, I have a friend who does this. I don’t hear from her (apart from Facebook likes) for years at a time, then she’ll suddenly announce she’s booked flights and will be visiting us for four nights on such and such dates. Then gets the hump if we’ve booked a holiday. Which, as it’s always during the summer holidays, there’s a high chance of.

OhcantthInkofaname · 23/03/2023 00:24

HOTEL! Or cancel the holiday.

Poppyblush · 23/03/2023 05:19

H away and make them book hotel

Wallywobbles · 23/03/2023 05:55

Hotel somewhere else. So if they arrive in London they can do 2 nights there seeing the sites then come to you.

similarminimer · 23/03/2023 06:07

It is literally inhospitable, in that you dont want to host them. So you're not worried about being inhospitable so much as being seen to be.

If your wife is ok to say to her parents - sorry the house needs a lot of coaxing, everything might break down - and they have understood and decided to stay in a hotels, couldn't you just own it? Presumably this is the first few days of a longer trip rather than the whole thing for them?

custardbear · 23/03/2023 06:11

Hotel for sure. Your home is your home, they don't have automatic rights to camp there especially when you have unusual systems that may break if not sone correctly.
It'll teach them to not assume they can rock up whenever

Holly60 · 23/03/2023 06:32

FairyBatman · 22/03/2023 22:45

What do you actually want?

You don’t feel comfortable with them in the house when you aren’t there, which is reasonable, so your wife has sorted it, and now you are unhappy because it’s inhospitable…

OP expressed a wish to cancel the weekend away

leatherlovingluke · 23/03/2023 06:36

There is literally no issue here. You don't want them in the house when you're not there (understandable) and your wife has said they can stay in a hotel. It's your wife's family and if she is happy telling them that then there is no problem here at all.

TenTwentyAtCheltenhamSandwich · 23/03/2023 06:39

I wouldn’t want them in my home either. Tell them that they should’ve let you know they were coming as you are going away. They can book a hotel from the other side of the world too.

RampantIvy · 23/03/2023 06:44

They stay in a hotel until you get home. Job done. I don't see a problem with that.

Fluffodils · 23/03/2023 06:49

I imagine your wife will be very pissed off if you cancel the holiday.

Odile13 · 23/03/2023 06:50

leatherlovingluke · 23/03/2023 06:36

There is literally no issue here. You don't want them in the house when you're not there (understandable) and your wife has said they can stay in a hotel. It's your wife's family and if she is happy telling them that then there is no problem here at all.

I agree with this.

KatherineJaneway · 23/03/2023 06:53

Just let them stay in a hotel. Job done.

Beautiful3 · 23/03/2023 06:54

Put them in a hotel until you get back from your break. Do not cancel it.

Theelephantinthecastle · 23/03/2023 07:07

This is probably a silly suggestion but could they join you on your weekend break?

Otherwise, I think it's a good chance for them to recover from jet lag/do some sightseeing

piedbeauty · 23/03/2023 07:34

You do sound very anxious. How complicated can heating and hot water settings be? And if you're away for the weekend you could be burgled, whether or not anyone is there. Are you getting help for that?

It would be ideal to let them stay. But if you're not happy with that, then a hotel until you get back is the best option.

How bizarre is them to book flights without asking you first!!

Fairyliz · 23/03/2023 07:38

There’s a problem and you wife has come up with a perfectly reasonable solution, not sure what you are fretting about?

MzHz · 23/03/2023 07:53

When else will they learn to check with you to see what is convenient if not now? @crazygiuseppe888

let your wife tell them to book an Airbnb wherever they want and tell them that you’ll be home from x date and they can come over after that.

it’s your house. You do get to say who stays and who doesn’t

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 23/03/2023 08:10

Not rude to suggest hotel while you are away. Rude is arranging a trip without host inviting you!

Murdoch1949 · 23/03/2023 08:46

Heating and hot water needs supervision? High maintenance.

Sennelier1 · 23/03/2023 22:05

I'm not big on stay-overs at any time but in MY house while I am away? Forget it!

Cavies · 23/03/2023 22:10

I let (have invited) my parents to stay whilst I’m not here. They would never ask to do that or just book without checking though. They are retired and I live in a tourist city they like to visit so it’s a little break for them.

Don’t have an issue. All houses have their quirks but my parents aren’t stupid and can be relied on to lock gates/doors, operate central heating and tend not to cause accidental damage.

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