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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you couldnt breast feed no 1 did you try no 2?

68 replies

Bells3032 · 21/03/2023 23:10

Sorry positing here for traffic

With my first baby she arrived 6 weeks early, no reason ever found as to why. I didn't even produce more than a couple of drops of colostrum at all and despite several weeks of trying to massage, getting a hospital grade pump and a lacatation consultant i never produced more than a few drops of choloesteurum or milk. We ended up in a&e as midwife was concerned how much weight she'd lost.

We tried mixed feeding for 4 weeks but just didn't produce anything and if was leaving me so upset and stressed and baby upset and stressed.

We are now talking about no 2. Husband said he'd support any choice I make on breast v bottle but for what's it's worth he wants me to straight to bottle (although also give any colostrum if I do produce it). He found it so distressing seeing me and baby in that state and doesn't want it impacting my mental health again..plus he loved feeding our little girl himself.

For those in similar positions what did you do with no 2?

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 21/03/2023 23:22

I had a very similar experience with 1st.

I tried with second and the same happened again. I just don’t make any milk in significant quantities.

I’d try because FF is such a faff but have no expectations and move across quite quickly.

MrsMoose0 · 21/03/2023 23:25

I didn't have the difficulties you did with DC1, (he was a little later than his due date and I seemed to have plenty of milk) but for whatever reason it just didn't work for us no matter what we tried and eventually I gave up after a couple of weeks for my mental health. I feel there is so much pressure to BF it makes it hard to make that decision to switch to formula.

With DC2 I was fully prepared to go to formula straight away if needed and put no pressure on myself but ideally wanted her to have my colostrum. She ended up being 4 weeks early, born by EMC but we 'got it' straight away and I successfully fed her for as long as it suited us so I'd say it's worth a try if that's what you want to do.

Zorilla · 21/03/2023 23:26

Yes I did and it did work out with number 2. Number 1 just never got the hang of it - tongue tied etc. I kept on trying but have up when he was 3 months old. Completely different with number 2 who just picked it up straight away. I was, however, aware that it might not work out again and was prepared to move on to formula if it didn't work out again.

Divorcedalongtime · 21/03/2023 23:27

My sister gave up with first and tried again and succeeded with second

Avarua2 · 21/03/2023 23:29

I was kinder on myself and mix fed straight away with number 2.

LittleBearPad · 21/03/2023 23:30

Zorilla · 21/03/2023 23:26

Yes I did and it did work out with number 2. Number 1 just never got the hang of it - tongue tied etc. I kept on trying but have up when he was 3 months old. Completely different with number 2 who just picked it up straight away. I was, however, aware that it might not work out again and was prepared to move on to formula if it didn't work out again.

Very similar experience with my two. DC2 got it whereas DC1 just screamed!
If it works, it works OP and if it doesn’t and you ff that’s all good too.

lingmerth · 21/03/2023 23:54

Yes I did. Wasn't successful with my first but tried again with my second and he just took to it straight away. I was so happy because I felt such a failure with my first.
35 years later I look at them both and think it didn't matter at all!

kwetu · 21/03/2023 23:58

Struggled for weeks with child 1, didn't even consider it with 2 (just didn't think I'd produce enough), but regretted it almost immediately when my milk came in like never before!

Marchsnowstorms · 22/03/2023 00:05

First, DD, was mixed fed as she barely fed early on. But part BF eventually until 9 mths.
DS was a BF guzzler from day 1. Latched on and fed like instinct.
Had to train him to take a bottle

CurlyhairedAssassin · 22/03/2023 00:20

I had a v long Labour with DS1 and was so exhausted and anxious, and then had to stay in hospital for a few days instead of coming home. We really only had one or two successful feeds with colostrum then I waited for the proper milk to come in but it just didn’t seem to. I have PCOS so I’ve often wondered if that affected things. Apparently the same thing happened to my grandma in the 1930s.

I remember the hideousness of it all, trying and failing to BF, feeling like you were personally responsible for starving your baby. All the while being surrounded by the “breast is best” message from all angles.

so I planned a bit better for DS2 but also decided that if I hadn’t cracked it within 3 days then he would be on the bottle with no guilt whatsoever that time round. Well we lasted 2 days! He was an angry feeder, flailing and scratching hysterically getting beside himself. It just didn’t work.

No regrets whatsoever. 17 years later I cringe at the angst I put myself through.

Theduchy · 22/03/2023 00:26

Yes! Had a very long labour with my DC1 who was born exhausted and never latched despite help. DC2 is now 6 months old and EBF since birth.

Catnut · 22/03/2023 00:34

I planned better 2nd time around, and although I did much better than I did with my first, I still only managed 2 weeks. I beat myself up big time with my first (only managed 10 days, honestly didn't consider the possibility that it might not work out....) but was better prepared to mix-feed with my second and was delighted with what we did achieve!

Flossiemoss · 22/03/2023 00:39

Bf didn’t go well with dc 1 - not enough milk gave up at 2 weeks.

dc2 - thought I’d do it better next time. Utter disaster resulting in a hospital admission , no milk and dehydrated baby. Gave up and ff.

dc3- ff from birth. Possibly the one I could have breast fed but wasn’t taking the chance.

do whatever works for you op. It really isn’t worth stressing over.

Sceptre86 · 22/03/2023 00:51

I had a very similar experience to you and it affected me negatively and still upsets me. dd1 was readmitted to hospital for 10 days to gain weight and it was rough all round. I felt like a complete failure as I couldn't feed my baby. I ate all the oat cookies, tried fenugreek xapsules, pumped during the night, had advice from a specialist midwife and lactation consultant but just didn't get anywhere.

Both my dh and my mum told me not to bother second time as dd1 was 15 months old when ds was born and I wouldn't have the time to devote to it. They were right. My mum and dh both emphasised that I put a lot of pressure on juself the first time and they didn't want to see me get like that again.

I'm happy with my choice and didn't breastfeed dd2 either. I did pump so she could get some colostrum but I never got more than 10mls so gave up after a week.

Rummikub · 22/03/2023 01:02

Marchsnowstorms · 22/03/2023 00:05

First, DD, was mixed fed as she barely fed early on. But part BF eventually until 9 mths.
DS was a BF guzzler from day 1. Latched on and fed like instinct.
Had to train him to take a bottle

similar for my two. Dc1 constant crying as I think age was hungry. Ended up mix feeding her. Dc2 could feed easily straight away. Totally different experience.

Floralnomad · 22/03/2023 01:10

I tried to breastfeed both of mine and produced zilch on both occasions .

Sweetomine · 22/03/2023 01:16

kwetu · 21/03/2023 23:58

Struggled for weeks with child 1, didn't even consider it with 2 (just didn't think I'd produce enough), but regretted it almost immediately when my milk came in like never before!

Did you end up breastfeeding baby 2?

katiisa · 22/03/2023 01:22

Yes and #2 was a breeze!! I was more educated and prepared and #2 was just a super chill and cooperative baby. I'm so glad I gave it another chance.

SunsetStrip · 22/03/2023 01:30

I tried with first, I managed for less than 2 weeks before ds lost too much weight, I then mix fed but ds preferred formula.

I feed second for 26 months, she took to it like a duck to water.

Hatehairdressers · 22/03/2023 01:54

Similar to many who have posted above, number 2 was completely different.

1 preferred bottle - any old bottle, not fussy. But just couldn’t latch well and my supply never established properly. 2 never got on with bottles however hard I tried whilst breastfeeding was a cinch and my supply was way better.

All babies are different- approach with an open mind, don’t beat yourself up.

But if you feel strongly it might drag you into poor mental health again and you’d rather FF from day 1, no shame in that.

Fraaahnces · 22/03/2023 02:11

i didn’t produce milk with dd1. I told lactation consultant that my boobs didn’t grow during pg nor did I feel any concept of “let down”, etc. All I was told was that everyone can bf and to keep trying. I was prescribed motilium and it didn’t help. Next pg was twins. Same thing. No breast growth. No milk. Different lactation consultant who scanned boobs and we discovered that I don’t have milk ducts. She asked lots of questions about whether my mum smoked a lot when pg with me. Yes she did - I’m a child of the early 70’s and mum didn’t want to put weight on. It is fairly common for daughters of women who smoked heavily during pg to have DNA damage and lack milk ducts, it seems. Sigh…

LadyJ2023 · 22/03/2023 02:13

Didn't want to try with no 1, couldn't make enough milk for no 2 and then twins came along last year and managed for 8 weeks and couldn't keep up with 2 appetites

BlueyDragon · 22/03/2023 02:51

DC1 I had a hideous time breastfeeding, believed all the NCT crap about how it would just work. Eventually expressed to feed for 6 weeks then FF frankly for my own sanity.

DC2 I knew it would be hard. Found - by fluke tbh - much better support second time around and EBF until 6 months. Don’t get me wrong it was still tricky but having someone who properly understood BF and how you can get a decent latch was the answer. Also reserves of patience as DC2 would feed for 90 minutes quite happily and appeared not to have read the advice that said they would drop off when full.

The experience of DC1 made me determined to try again with DC2 but also not beat myself up again if it didn’t work. Find a good BF counsellor and if it doesn’t work then FF is just fine, you have done what you can.

Sunnysunbun · 22/03/2023 03:01

Yes. One was hit and miss. Two was good and three was brilliant.

Foldinthecheese · 22/03/2023 03:27

My situation was a little different because the first was actually twins. They were small and struggled to latch. They lost a significant amount of weight in the first few days and the whole thing was just bloody miserable and stressful. I persisted with a bit of breastfeeding, but by six weeks they were on formula completely.

My third was totally different. She was born at 39+6 and latched on at a few minutes old. I BFed until she was just over three and we never had any real challenges or issues. I’m so glad I tried with her and that I was able to have the experience. She’s four now and just tonight I was explaining what nipples are for and how she used to have Mummy milk. She asked if she could have more and I said no because she’s a big girl now so it’s all gone. She said, “I drank it all up? So it’s gone now? Aw, biscuits.” 😂