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Original poster

If you couldnt breast feed no 1 did you try no 2?

68 replies

Bells3032 · 21/03/2023 23:10

Sorry positing here for traffic

With my first baby she arrived 6 weeks early, no reason ever found as to why. I didn't even produce more than a couple of drops of colostrum at all and despite several weeks of trying to massage, getting a hospital grade pump and a lacatation consultant i never produced more than a few drops of choloesteurum or milk. We ended up in a&e as midwife was concerned how much weight she'd lost.

We tried mixed feeding for 4 weeks but just didn't produce anything and if was leaving me so upset and stressed and baby upset and stressed.

We are now talking about no 2. Husband said he'd support any choice I make on breast v bottle but for what's it's worth he wants me to straight to bottle (although also give any colostrum if I do produce it). He found it so distressing seeing me and baby in that state and doesn't want it impacting my mental health again..plus he loved feeding our little girl himself.

For those in similar positions what did you do with no 2?

OP posts:
SpoonfulofArsnicMakesTheMedicineGoDown · 22/03/2023 03:35

Yes. Baby one wouldn't latch and yet I tried beyond what was sensible. Months and months of pumping whilst someone else held the baby. I worry it effected my bond, although baby does have a strong dad bond so swings and roundabouts. Took domperidone and regret it, put on lots of weight due to eating and drinking to keep up pumped milk supply.

Baby two is a few months old and I approached from a 'try breast switch to bottle with no guilt' angle. Felt anxiety for first month or so whilst baby Ill and establishing a latch. But gained weight well and stuck with it and seems to be going well now.

My mental health with first made me feel like a failure and although two went well, when two was in hospital briefly and had to bottle, all those feelings of inadequacy came back so I'd tread carefully and only persevere if lots of support and resilience in mental health.

If you do try, eat well and a good source of omega three.
But remember you can't stand in a playground at four and pick out ebf babies so it's not as important as it is made out. I was ebf and my siblings bottlefed and all around the same intelligence and healthiness.

Good luck in what you decide and my advice is to be kind to yourself and flexible no matter what happens.

SpoonfulofArsnicMakesTheMedicineGoDown · 22/03/2023 03:37

Oh forgot to say, first early, second late and probably made a difference.

QueenOfWeeds · 22/03/2023 04:01

CurlyhairedAssassin · 22/03/2023 00:20

I had a v long Labour with DS1 and was so exhausted and anxious, and then had to stay in hospital for a few days instead of coming home. We really only had one or two successful feeds with colostrum then I waited for the proper milk to come in but it just didn’t seem to. I have PCOS so I’ve often wondered if that affected things. Apparently the same thing happened to my grandma in the 1930s.

I remember the hideousness of it all, trying and failing to BF, feeling like you were personally responsible for starving your baby. All the while being surrounded by the “breast is best” message from all angles.

so I planned a bit better for DS2 but also decided that if I hadn’t cracked it within 3 days then he would be on the bottle with no guilt whatsoever that time round. Well we lasted 2 days! He was an angry feeder, flailing and scratching hysterically getting beside himself. It just didn’t work.

No regrets whatsoever. 17 years later I cringe at the angst I put myself through.

sorry to derail slightly, OP. I have PCOS and am currently seeing a lactation consultant - apparently it absolutely can impact supply.

McGonagallshatandglasses · 22/03/2023 04:02

Yes.

With my eldest, I had something called rusty pipe syndrome. Which the midwives kept assuring me was normal while also admitting that they had never seen it. I had a lot of blood in my milk, and I ended up pumping for ten days until it cleared while giving baby formula.

I was able to feed him briefly but by four months it had gone south. He preferred the bottle and no one around me seemed to think it mattered. He also only once fed without a shield.

I fed my second child (only one breast affected and for 6 rather than 10 days) until I was 6m pregnant with my third. I fed her till her third birthday and my fourth baby tandem fed for a year and then kept going until not long after 3.

It was healing to feed my other babies. I have no guilt that I couldn't with my eldest but I'm really really glad I tried again.

webuiltthiscityonrockandwheat · 22/03/2023 05:42

I had an awful time with my first. He didn't thrive, back in hospital, put on a feeding plan, constantly trying to express millimetres of milk. I gave up completely after a few months. Second baby latched no problems, fed loads and gained weight. I fed until 19 months. I almost didn't bother at all because of the problems I had first time but I'm glad I tried because I loved feeding her

useitorlose · 22/03/2023 05:48

DC1 never seemed to get the hang of it and by one month old I'd switched completely to formula. DC2 was a great feeder and we kept going until 8 months.

Twizbe · 22/03/2023 06:00

Every baby is different.

I had a much easier time feeding my second baby. She just seemed to know what to do.

I would say though, if you decide to try breastfeeding you need to have a Frank conversation with your DH about what support looks like.

CakeJumper · 22/03/2023 06:04

IGT here, failed to produce with both baby number one and two. Completely heartbreaking but I couldn’t afford a lactation consultant and the health visitors didn’t recognise the problem.

W0tnow · 22/03/2023 06:05

Yes. 6 weeks with number 1.

2 years with my twins

Autienotnautie · 22/03/2023 06:05

Yes I breast feed 3 babies and it got easier each time.

TheChoiceIsYours · 22/03/2023 06:12

My first wouldn’t latch and was ff from the start although had expressed colostrum and a few bottles of expressed milk.

Second latched immediately and was exclusively bf for nine months, despite me trying desperately to get them to take a bottle 🤷‍♀️

FWIW first child is the healthier now. Is a much better eater who self regulates and is a healthy weight. Second child would eat crap all day if allowed and we’re on constant alert about their weight. I’m glad it’s the way around it was re infant feeding or I would blame myself horribly because you’re told ff makes kids overweight later.

Weepingwillows12 · 22/03/2023 06:12

Difficult birth with first and he was swollen and tongue tied. Couldn't latch other than once or twice early on. Kept trying but was awful. We would try feeding, it wouldn't work, he would be upset then would FF feed them, put them to sleep but I would stay up to express. Never got any sleep myself. Gave up after a few months.

With the second I did breastfeeding with one ff bottle a day (late evening) so I could get a chunk of sleep and my DH feed. It was still hard work though as I found it painful for weeks but was a bit stubborn and kept going. Glad I did. We stopped around 11 months when I went back to work as my supply stopped.

BMrs · 22/03/2023 06:18

I really struggled with baby no. 1. Feeding baby no.2 was a breeze though and we fed for 22 months until he naturally stopped. I think it really helped that because if my experience first time around I went in with zero expectations this time and had everything ready at home to bottle feed should I need to.

Taking the pressure off myself helped loads!

I realise now comparing the two that baby 1 had latch issues.

newtowelsplease · 22/03/2023 06:30

I tried again. It still didn't happen but I was much kinder to myself the second time around and didn't let the guilt eat me up. You try, it's all you can do, but don't stress if it doesn't work. Formula feeding is a perfectly acceptable alternative. Good luck OP

Honoraryuce · 22/03/2023 06:32

Yes and it was really easy. A couple of weeks of pain and sliced nipples but baby could and would latch which was main difference. Fed second for nearly 3 years.

Dumdumbetterrunrun · 22/03/2023 06:32

My first didn't but my second latched straight away and it worked like a dream. I think it was an undiagnosed tongue tie with my first.

Jellyjunction · 22/03/2023 06:49

You could try doing antenatal expression of colostrum, that can ensure your supply is good then you can concentrate on the latch.

But overall a fed baby is best, it really isn't worth sacrificing mental health over

Fraaahnces · 22/03/2023 07:04

The antenatal colostrum expression is no guarantee of supply. (It’s absolutely a fabulous thing to give your baby, though…) I did this, but still didn’t have enough milk ducts to supply enough milk for one baby, let alone the twins I had with 2nd pg.

Gufo · 22/03/2023 07:21

DC1 - no way could I get BF to work. We tried all sorts and it was an all round distressing experience.
DC2 - latched on straight after birth without me noticing and kept going for what felt like non-stop for the next 18 months!

smokeyr · 22/03/2023 07:24

Yes.

Both children were premature. First was born at 28 weeks and I expressed my milk for as long as possible. They just didn't latch and I had zero support- I always regretted not breastfeeding them

Second was born at 34 weeks and in that pregnancy I did all the research I could around breastfeeding. I was determined.

Here we are 20 months later! Still feeding. Best thing I have done. So very proud of myself.

Freshair87 · 22/03/2023 07:26

Yes I did, no1 we just couldn't get the hang off breastfeeding, and with lockdown we couldn't get any support with what I now know was a shallow latch, I did express for a couple months but that was so exhausting we just moved to formula. No2 I tried breastfeeding again and baby got the hang of it in hospital, I did panic a bit about thinking baby wasn't getting enough and did some pumping but this really wasn't needed, as long as enough wet and dirty nappies and gaining all is well. We have been successfully breastfeeding for nearly a year

bluechameleon · 22/03/2023 07:27

Yes I did. The problem with DS1 is I couldn't get him to latch at all, and had no help at all in hospital so gave up trying after about a week. With DS2 it was very hard work, I went to weekly drop ins for a few months for support and it wasn't pain free until about 4 months, but he fed well and was growing so I persevered. Stopped at 4.5 years (my choice not his).

Tietheapron · 22/03/2023 07:29

I’m very undecided about it.

I produced plenty of milk but I couldn’t latch DS on. It was horrible and very upsetting. Im a bit reluctant to try with no2 in some ways as I don’t want to feel like I’ve failed again.

Pootle40 · 22/03/2023 07:29

Yes I breastfed for 2 weeks with my first but a whole year with my second. I gave up first time as I found the night feeds just so tiring. I think I was just more relaxed second time around.

Whippetlovely · 22/03/2023 07:33

I struggled with 1st ended up giving up after 6 weeks but with 2nd was determined to try. Had thrush which felt like stabbing pains it was horrendous, nipples cut to shreds , used to cry every time he latched but I knew I’d feel even worse if I gave up. I went to bf group and was told if you get past 8 weeks it gets easier and it was true. I needed up feeding him for 2 years. After 3 months once they healed it didn’t hurt much anymore then it stopped hurting completely. Some babies are good at latching others aren’t unfortunately but there isn’t any magic to it. It bloody hurts but just time is the only answer it gets better over time. Good luck what ever you decide x