If you couldnt breast feed no 1 did you try no 2?

[Bells3032]

Sorry positing here for traffic

With my first baby she arrived 6 weeks early, no reason ever found as to why. I didn't even produce more than a couple of drops of colostrum at all and despite several weeks of trying to massage, getting a hospital grade pump and a lacatation consultant i never produced more than a few drops of choloesteurum or milk. We ended up in a&e as midwife was concerned how much weight she'd lost.

We tried mixed feeding for 4 weeks but just didn't produce anything and if was leaving me so upset and stressed and baby upset and stressed.

We are now talking about no 2. Husband said he'd support any choice I make on breast v bottle but for what's it's worth he wants me to straight to bottle (although also give any colostrum if I do produce it). He found it so distressing seeing me and baby in that state and doesn't want it impacting my mental health again..plus he loved feeding our little girl himself.

For those in similar positions what did you do with no 2?

Breastfeeding didn't work well with ds1. I switched to bottles at three weeks as he wasn't gaining weight. He never looked back.

Tried breastfeeding with ds2 and it worked much better. I gave up at 4 months, earlier than required for when I was returning to work, as I wasn't enjoying it, but felt I'd done it long enough to get over the feelings of failure with ds1. If it hadn't worked out I would have switched earlier.

I failed with dc1, he had tongue and lip tie (never cut), cmpa and severe reflux. He just couldn't latch despite a lot of help. I gave up pumping after a few weeks when I got mastitis.

Dc2 got it immediately, latched on herself before they even started my stitches. I'd done a fair bit of prep about latches, positions etc because I really wanted it to work. She had her tongue tie snipped at 4 days old (NHS) and it was just easy (if a little sore early days). Still breastfeeding at 13 months, although she now only wants it before sleeps and when sick/hurt.

In your position, if there is low milk again, i wouldn't hesitate to top up or just go full formula. It's just not worth it for baby or your mental health.

I struggled to bf #1. I managed about 3 weeks. I was struggling mentally after my first HG pregnancy, and he was very hungry and inpatient.

I bf #2 for 5 months (my milk dried up but I had only been planning 6 months anyway). I was better prepared mentally and he was more relaxed about feeding.

I dont feel bad about it. I dont love #1any less or have a lesser bond with him.

Yes! Exclusively pumped for a year with my first because she just couldn’t latch. Second I used nipple shields for a few weeks and now we are five months in!

Apparently you produce more with subsequent pregnancies

If you would like to do it I suggest you try :)

Also, just to note - I cant produce via pump/hand expressing etc etc - but I've breastfed my baby for 11 months now x

It needs to be said that there is a massive difference between not being successful at breastfeeding and not being able to breastfeed . Very few of us it seems fall into the latter group ie no breast changes , absolutely no breast function as it were . Tongue tie , nipple shields , pumps etc make absolutely no difference at all when you physically cannot produce anything .

I had an absolutely horrendous experience with my first, multiple bouts of mastitis, thrush, failure to thrive, etc. It was truly terrible and I really struggled with the decision of having to stop for quite a long time.

My second was a completely different experience. There were 2 things that made the difference. I truly prepared myself the second time around. Sounds wanky but I didn't want my negative feelings about the first time creeping into the second. I did a breastfeeding hypnotherapy course while pregnant (via natal hypnotherapy). Just listened to the tracks a couple times a week for the last 2 months or so. I wanted to go into it with a better mindset.

Where dd struggled was in the first few days as I couldn't get her to latch and she was so hungry, she couldn't stay awake to feed well enough and then it was a vicious cycle. And then she lost weight and the midwives/HV got all worked up and it was just a really negative experience. So I harvested and froze colostrum second time around so that I felt I had a plan for if my second was similar. I always had the colostrum if I needed it. When he was born, I did feed him from the breast, but also from 1ml syringes of colostrum. I did that pretty much every other feed for the first week or so - a breastfeed, then colostrum on top from the freezer. It meant he put on weight and was awake and strong enough to feed and that made feeding easier, so he fed more and put on more weight, etc. The opposite of what happened with my dd. And I knew the things I found difficult the first time, so I really focussed on those: working out latch issues, having plans for what I was going to eat and drink, making sure I got sleep (I'd hand dh the baby and go off to bed and it was his job to deal with anything for 2-3 hours til the next feed).

But also what made a difference was that I was treated differently too as a secondtime mum. The first time I had thrush and I went to the GP for treatment and they didn't believe me that it was thrush, so wouldn't treat it. I suffered for weeks until finally someone would give me medicine, but it was too late them as it was quite severe. Second time when I got thrush, I went to see the GP and she didn't even want to look at it, just said, 'right, you've done this before, you know your body, here's a prescription'. I was definitely received better care and more support.

*I should add that I bf mine second time for 14 months and he never once needed a bottle because we found it so easy. And actually comparing the two experiences, formula feeding my first (after trying to bf for 10 weeks) and EBF my second, I found the bf much easier and less exhausting. It was quick and convenient and I wasn't faffing about with bottles and sterilising and having to go get a bottle in the middle of the night. I actually got better sleep with #2.

I had pretty much this exact experience. It just didn't work with DC1. My second was 9 weeks early and it worked out almost immediately and I was able to feed for 18 months

Only managed 6 weeks of BF and every moment was hideous. I had loads of help, a breastfeeding ‘counsellor’ etc but nothing helped. I had loads of milk but a violent letdown and had constant mastitis ending in an infected abscess and hospitalisation with suspected sepsis. It was bloody miserable.

I decided to try again with DC2, but despite the first week being a lot easier (DD latched better and my letdown wasn’t so explosive) I ended up with an absences again and very unwell, so stopped after 3 weeks.

If I’d had anymore children I think I would’ve fed for a week or two at the start to get the colostrum into them and that early bonding, but stopped after that. With both my babies, the minute we switched to bottle feeding life was so much happier and easier!

I’m currently pregnant with no.2, having had a similar experience with no.1 and I’m planning on bottle feeding. My husband has said similar stuff to yours- that it’s my decision, he’ll support me whatever, but that my mental state scared him last time and if it was up to him he’d go for the bottle straight away. I agree with him, I don’t want my baby’s early days to be so dark for me again. Plus once I got over the shame I actually quite enjoyed bottle feeding- it still felt like a cosy bonding experience and it was nice to let DH do a bit too (and I got a bit more sleep as he didn’t have to come wake me up every time DD was hungry!)

my experience is 1st baby, not fussed about breast, always vomiting, failed to thrive, needed thickened feeds so ended up on bottle, 2nd baby really unwell after birth, tube fed, my milk dried up even though I tried to express, really stressful time so ended up bottle fed, 3rd baby totally breast fed for 18 months. I think to breast feed it all has to fall in place, baby, mother, timing etc. Don’t put pressure on yourself because it doesn’t help. If it works it works if it doesn’t it doesn’t, you are not a failure for bottle feeding your baby whatever anyone else says. Good luck!

@riotlady thanks so much. a lot of the comments here about the lack of latch which obviously differs from baby to baby but actually she latched v well. But i had zero breast changes in my pregnancy and got literally a couple of drops out max even after weeks of doing everything advised. and i am worried the stress is gonna to make those times hard again when i should of just bonded with her.

Thank you everyone for your replies. Hasn't really made up my mind though :-P ah help!

I suppose if you've not made up your mind, you've nothing to lose by giving it a go and seeing what happens.

If it works - great, if it doesn't - great.

1st baby I stoped after a week found it very stressful and didn’t know what to expect whereas this time I read up on it more and had more of an understanding of how the first few weeks bf are and how relentless it is to begin with, still had challenges but perservered with it and now ebf 5 months in x

dS1 wouldn’t feed - although I had loads of milk. Not one midwife would get him on and staying on. Put in the blue book that baby 2 would decide - and explained what I meant when mw questioned what I’d written. Tried again with dS2 and he was trying to latch on but I had had a cS and that, plus short staffing on the ward, meant it didn’t work out - I didn’t get much support. In both cases I expressed for a few weeks so they had some breast milk but mostly ff.
Any regrets? Absolutely none. Both are strappinglh healthy in their twenties and teens.

No I didn't. Rational or not it didn't feel fair to ds1 and I also didn't want to out all the pressure on myself again and the feelings of failure if it didn't work out again. Didn't feel worth it to me

My first was premmie born at 31w3d and I managed to eventually bf but it was a lot of hard work. In the end I gave up at about 4-5 months as I was worried about his weight gain although no healthcare professionals were worried but they didn't really give me any reassurance. With my second it was so easy. He latched on within 30 mins of being born and my milk came in the next day! He was full term so I don't know if that made a difference. To be honest I think it can sometimes be a completely random thing. You've got nothing to loose to try but don't put pressure on yourself if it doesn't workout. There's nothing wrong with bottle feeding a all but breastfeeding can just be more convenient if it comes easily.