Am I overthinking this?

TinaTeaspoons · 2023-03-21T22:45:01+00:00

Colleague from my old role texted me last week. Haven't messaged her in 3 months since I left as been busy. We were close before but life gets in the way. I told her that the new role was going great and how much I liked my new colleagues. And nothing. No response. Aibu to wonder why?

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/03/2023 22:48

Why do you think? You haven't been in touch and now you are saying that you really like your new colleagues.

Original poster

TinaTeaspoons · 21/03/2023 22:48

It's only been a few months and I've been extremely busy.

OP posts:

JMSA · 21/03/2023 22:50

She's feeling left behind, and you've been a bit insensitive and self-absorbed (is my guess).

Coffeellama · 21/03/2023 22:51

Was there anything to reply to? Did you ask her how her life was going?

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 21/03/2023 22:51

Maybe she feels a bit abandoned. Maybe she was hoping you'd say you missed her. I think we would need more context about your roles, why you left, whether she wanted to leave but couldn't find anything, etc etc. Why don't you get back to her and ask her how she is?

Original poster

TinaTeaspoons · 21/03/2023 23:00

I said about the colleagues then just wrote it as 'Hope you are keeping well' and 'Hope all OK at work'
We relied on each other at work and I know she is not really happy there but that may now have changed. It's not like I didnt ask anything about her and in all honesty, as bad as this sounds, I'm not sure I want to be sucked back into hearing about my old place. She was a great support to me and she knows I am grateful for that.

OP posts:

Harriyet · 21/03/2023 23:01

Did you ask her any questions?

Original poster

TinaTeaspoons · 21/03/2023 23:04

I did as I said before.

OP posts:

Imknackeredzzz · 21/03/2023 23:04

TinaTeaspoons · 21/03/2023 23:00

I said about the colleagues then just wrote it as 'Hope you are keeping well' and 'Hope all OK at work'
We relied on each other at work and I know she is not really happy there but that may now have changed. It's not like I didnt ask anything about her and in all honesty, as bad as this sounds, I'm not sure I want to be sucked back into hearing about my old place. She was a great support to me and she knows I am grateful for that.

Well clearly she doesn’t know that as you haven’t bothered about her once since you left. God people like you are so irritating, utilise someone’s support, then bugger off and forget all about them. Ugh

Harriyet · 21/03/2023 23:09

TinaTeaspoons · 21/03/2023 23:04

I did as I said before.

Hope you are OK isn't a question, it's a statement.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 21/03/2023 23:10

TinaTeaspoons · 21/03/2023 23:04

I did as I said before.

Where?

"Hope you're keeping well" isn't a question, it's a meaningless platitude.

Coffeellama · 21/03/2023 23:12

I'm not sure I want to be sucked back into hearing about my old place. She was a great support to me and she knows I am grateful for that.

Sounds like you only want to talk about you… can’t think why she didn’t reply.

Original poster

TinaTeaspoons · 21/03/2023 23:14

So I didn't include a question mark. It was still a question. It's not like I just spoke about the new colleagues the whole time in the message.

OP posts:

inventinglouise · 21/03/2023 23:16

It's not a question, it shut down the whole conversation. I wouldn't have replied to this.

purpleme12 · 21/03/2023 23:17

Have to agree with some on here, the 'hope you're keeping well' is a funny one. It's not REALLY asking about the person. It's not really inviting more conversation.

If you want a conversation why not send another text/ring to carry on a conversation somehow

Coffeellama · 21/03/2023 23:17

TinaTeaspoons · 21/03/2023 23:14

So I didn't include a question mark. It was still a question. It's not like I just spoke about the new colleagues the whole time in the message.

Well no… it wasn’t. You didn’t word it like a question, didn’t use a question mark, and didn’t want to no the answer.

onemorerose · 21/03/2023 23:17

Honestly I’d just forget it and move on.

grumpycow1 · 21/03/2023 23:19

TinaTeaspoons · 21/03/2023 23:14

So I didn't include a question mark. It was still a question. It's not like I just spoke about the new colleagues the whole time in the message.

It’s most definitely not a question!! 😂 To me that is a statement, and implies you don’t want to carry on the conversation.

Harriyet · 21/03/2023 23:20

Yeah definitely not a question, most people wouldnt take it as a question, there was no question mark.

TedMullins · 21/03/2023 23:22

It’s not a question, it sounds like you’re shutting down the conversation. You sound pretty self absorbed to be honest, you can’t have liked her that much or been that grateful if you couldn’t find two minutes to text her in three whole months!

Wannaloseastone · 21/03/2023 23:33

Questions usually start with words like what, why, where, who, when and end with a question mark. Hope you're OK really means I kinda hope you're OK but don't be telling me either way, not interested. And you've admitted you feel like this because you don't want to be sucked in. She was useful to you then but no so much now, you've moved on. Bye.
And if you didn't contact her for 3 months cos life got in the way and you're busy, how can you be bothered or offended you haven't heard back after just one week? Are you so self-important and narcissistic that you think you're the only busy person with a life?

JudgeRudy · 21/03/2023 23:36

You bonded through necessity under difficult circumstances. You've now 'escaped' and have a new life and don't need reminding of the stress and misery of your former life. I get that. So now is the time to be honest with yourself. If you never saw her again would you really care? I mean really. If mot leave it there. No need to fall out, but it's kinder all round. If you get in touch again you need to be genuinely up for a friendship. If you don't wanna do that leave her alone.
I'm sure she'll be OK. She's disappointed but had she been the poster today we'd all tell her 'this woman is not your friend'.

JarByTheDoor · 21/03/2023 23:43

So she was the one who made the slightly emotionally vulnerable move of reaching out to someone she cares about and hasn't heard from in a while to ask how they're getting on, and receives back something like: "The new job's going really well thanks, my new colleagues are great. Hope you're well and work going ok. — OP".

I mean, even if it didn't come over as a brush-off (which it seems like it might've done, and even that you possibly intended it to, given your comments about not getting sucked in), where does someone go with that?

CurlewKate · 22/03/2023 00:28

I would have thought. "Ah, she's moved on and she's not interested. Fair enough." and deleted your number.

Pippa12 · 22/03/2023 00:49

I ‘had’ a friend like this. Id message to see how she was and she’d reply about her dramas/achievements and either not ask about us or write a sweeping statement like ‘hope your all well’, ‘hope work is good’. In the end I decided I had enough friends and could do without this one who wasn’t to bothered by us.