Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I overthinking this?

65 replies

TinaTeaspoons · 21/03/2023 22:45

Colleague from my old role texted me last week. Haven't messaged her in 3 months since I left as been busy. We were close before but life gets in the way.
I told her that the new role was going great and how much I liked my new colleagues. And nothing. No response.
Aibu to wonder why?

OP posts:
MarshaMelrose · 22/03/2023 00:55

It's not like I didnt ask anything about her and in all honesty, as bad as this sounds, I'm not sure I want to be sucked back into hearing about my old place. She was a great support to me and she knows I am grateful for that.

It sounds harsh but you do sound a bit of a user.

Original poster
TinaTeaspoons · 22/03/2023 18:12

Yet in other threads, people have said that it isn't wrong to not stay in touch with ex colleagues....
I should
I should be able to talk about my new worklife and colleagues.
Either way, It's probably best to just leave it.

OP posts:
MrsDoylesDoily · 22/03/2023 18:17

Did you start a thread about this a little while back OP?

JarByTheDoor · 22/03/2023 18:17

Of course it's not wrong not to stay in touch with old colleagues.

You asked why the ex-colleague didn't reply to your response to her text, and we gave you our best guesses.

Confused
Original poster
TinaTeaspoons · 22/03/2023 18:19

Well people here are saying I am a user so it suggests that they feel it is wrong to not be in touch.

OP posts:
Vallmo47 · 22/03/2023 18:21

Sorry but I agree with others, you didn’t really want to engage with how things are for her, you’ve admitted this, and she took the hint.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 22/03/2023 18:22

TinaTeaspoons · 22/03/2023 18:19

Well people here are saying I am a user so it suggests that they feel it is wrong to not be in touch.

They're saying you came across as a bit rude and dismissive.

You were happy to gush about how wonderful your life is now, but showed barely any interest in her and how she was doing.

It's just not very nice.

LondonPretty · 22/03/2023 18:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

WunWun · 22/03/2023 18:24

But you weren't trying to keep in touch. You completely shut the conversation down, it was a closed message. There was nothing to respond to.

Wannaloseastone · 22/03/2023 18:24

TinaTeaspoons · 22/03/2023 18:12

Yet in other threads, people have said that it isn't wrong to not stay in touch with ex colleagues....
I should
I should be able to talk about my new worklife and colleagues.
Either way, It's probably best to just leave it.

So you're blaming other people on other threads for the reason not to stay in touch when you've already stated that you don't want to be sucked back? Why can't you just be honest that you're not just interested in their friendship but you're pissed that they've not replied to a message that needed or warranted no kind of response?
You sound like a petty, cruel schoolchild who has made cooler new friends and wants nothing to do with her older, less cool friends.
If you really wanted to, you could contact her again now and say 'hey, sorry I couldn't chat properly last week, I was up the wall, but I'd love to have a catch up. How is everything with you?'
But we all know you won't

Aprilx · 22/03/2023 18:25

TinaTeaspoons · 21/03/2023 23:14

So I didn't include a question mark. It was still a question. It's not like I just spoke about the new colleagues the whole time in the message.

Hope you are doing well is not a question, it especially is not a question when it doesn’t have a question mark. I would interpret that as shutting down a conversation not encouraging it.

WunWun · 22/03/2023 18:25

You don't have to stay in touch with anyone you don't want to. It's completely up to you, but I don't get why you're surprised she didn't respond.

icelollycraving · 22/03/2023 18:28

Why are you over thinking it? Didn’t seem like you were thinking about her much in the message (or since leaving).
It’s fine to keep in touch or not. She read the room better than you.

Ladybug14 · 22/03/2023 18:30

You haven't stayed in touch

You've moved on

She reaches out

Your reply is insensitive and uncaring

If you don't want her friendship you've done the right thing

If you do want her friendship - start to be a friend Confused

Original poster
TinaTeaspoons · 22/03/2023 18:31

It was me who asked for her contact details in the first place and that we would keep in touch. She was lovely to me at work.
It's not that I don't like her but things change sometimes when you are caught up in a new environment and meet new people.
As someone said upthread, it's better to just leave it now.

OP posts:
WunWun · 22/03/2023 18:32

So why do you care that she didn't reply? What's the point of the thread?

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 22/03/2023 18:34

TinaTeaspoons · 22/03/2023 18:31

It was me who asked for her contact details in the first place and that we would keep in touch. She was lovely to me at work.
It's not that I don't like her but things change sometimes when you are caught up in a new environment and meet new people.
As someone said upthread, it's better to just leave it now.

So she was lovely to you and you promised you'd stay in touch.
Then you didn't bother with her for two months.
When you finally did message, you gushed about how wonderful your new job was and didn't bother asking about her.

And you're really surprised she never responded?

Wannaloseastone · 22/03/2023 18:35

So you asked for her contact details when? When you were leaving your old place of work three months ago yet she was still the one who had to contact you?
As PP says, what exactly is the point of the thread? What kind of opinion, advice or validation we're you hoping for?

TedMullins · 22/03/2023 18:39

TinaTeaspoons · 22/03/2023 18:19

Well people here are saying I am a user so it suggests that they feel it is wrong to not be in touch.

But it’s not a black and white case of being in touch or not being in touch is it, context is everything. If your old colleagues were just people you made polite small talk with to make the day pass quicker then no, I don’t think anyone would think you should stay in touch.

But you asked for this woman’s number, told her you WANTED to stay in touch, and said she was a great support to you when you worked there, so if you saw her as a friend, why wouldn’t you make an effort with her? Your reply to her sounded like a brush off. It’s not about whether you should contact old colleagues or not it’s just about basic care and politeness to other people, especially ones who’ve been there for you in the past.

Original poster
TinaTeaspoons · 22/03/2023 18:39

Well, that I was not wrong to not keep in touch and that secondly, people would agree that circumstances can change and it doesn't make me a horrible person or a user. Work friendship can feel very intense at work but dont always stand the test of time outside of that.

OP posts:
Choconut · 22/03/2023 18:40

So you asked for her contact details and then couldn't find 5 minutes over the next three months to actually use them? It sounds like she was useful while you worked with her and isn't now that you've moved on somewhere nice. I agree it's best to leave it as you don't sound like good friend material.

GalileoHumpkins · 22/03/2023 18:41

Maybe life's got in the way and she's been busy?

WunWun · 22/03/2023 18:43

TinaTeaspoons · 22/03/2023 18:39

Well, that I was not wrong to not keep in touch and that secondly, people would agree that circumstances can change and it doesn't make me a horrible person or a user. Work friendship can feel very intense at work but dont always stand the test of time outside of that.

But where does overthinking her not replying come into it?

timeforchampagne · 22/03/2023 18:44

You shut down the conversation

WunWun · 22/03/2023 18:44

Your AIBU was wondering why she didn't reply.

Swipe left for the next trending thread