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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate shared bathrooms and wish I had my own private bathroom?

51 replies

extremeprivacypreferred · 21/03/2023 21:27

I love living with DP in every way but this. If I could choose - I'd have my own private bathroom. Somehow very private away from rest of the flat, maybe through a walk in wardrobe or something? Dunno how the configuration of space would work.

Our one and only bathroom is a windowed en suite, so guests have to go through our bedroom which I also dislike.

I hate shitting in a shared bathroom, where someone goes in soon after me, it makes me want to crawl out of my own skin as it feels so un-private. I just hate it, I know everyone shits, it doesn't make any difference.

OP posts:
RiktheButler · 21/03/2023 21:29

You share the bathroom with your partner? I assume you share other things too, like bodily fluids....

Original poster
extremeprivacypreferred · 21/03/2023 21:32

It's not the bodily fluids, not squeamish about those.

It's feeling stressed about lack of complete privacy. I know it doesn't make much sense, it's just how I feel though.

OP posts:
GreenIsle · 21/03/2023 21:38

Op I know exactly how you feel and not sure I could cope with it either, I've been with DH for around 16 years but when it comes to using the toilet I like complete privacy. It's not something we ever talk about and I cannot poop if DH is upstairs at same time. Luckily we have 3 toilets however I still am a bit weird about it.

So if your partner is in bed you have to poop in the shared bathroom and he can basically hear you Confused

ABlindAssassin · 21/03/2023 21:38

Yes I'm with you. I hate sharing a bathroom and would much rather have my own completely private space. Our old house only had one bathroom/toilet which I found quite stressful (there are 4 of us, and PIL regularly come to stay 😬) Our new house has a bathroom, an en suite and a downstairs loo! It makes life so much easier and more pleasant.

LlynTegid · 21/03/2023 21:40

I'm with you too OP. Currently living alone. One of the joys of working from home too is that you don't need to use shared work toilets.

scoobydoo1971 · 21/03/2023 21:41

I have four bathrooms. All contain the same new bathroom suites fitted at the same time. All rooms are roughly the same size, and on different floors of my house. Everyone...kids, their visiting Dad, other guests use my ensuite. It is warmer and nicer allegedly. I don't see it myself. However, the upside is less cleaning of other bathrooms! I spent a lot of money having new showers and toilets fitted in these various rooms, and it turned out to be with little merit. My point to you would be that even if you had the facilities, you might not get compliance in your space.

Mumskisail · 21/03/2023 21:41

I would love my own separate bathroom and dressing room. In my dream house we would each have our own adjoined to the master suite.

lipstickwoman · 21/03/2023 21:41

I agree. If ever we moved somewhere with an en-suite, not only am I making it for my use only, I'm also having the attached bedroom all to myself.

(I do love my OH)

WafflesOrIceCream · 21/03/2023 21:42

That's me too!Hate hearing my DP hear me using the toilet.

Namechangingagain111 · 21/03/2023 21:42

Mumskisail · 21/03/2023 21:41

I would love my own separate bathroom and dressing room. In my dream house we would each have our own adjoined to the master suite.

I always promised myself this if I won the lottery and could design my own house.

In reality though, I just stay single - it's easier !!

maddening · 21/03/2023 21:44

We have 3 enquires and therefore a bathroom each (the main bathroom has no shower) and it is indeed bliss.

WafflesOrIceCream · 21/03/2023 21:44

Sorry that was supposed to say I hate DP hearing me use the toilet.

maddening · 21/03/2023 21:44

maddening · 21/03/2023 21:44

We have 3 enquires and therefore a bathroom each (the main bathroom has no shower) and it is indeed bliss.

Ensuites not enquires 🙄

Kassandra7 · 21/03/2023 21:54

I couldn't care less. Happy to share a bathroom with anyone who is in my house. I grew up in a small house with one bathroom where we all had to share so maybe that's why.
But to me a toilet is a toilet. Happy to poo/wee anywhere in any toilet. I don't get the angst.

jays · 21/03/2023 21:56

RiktheButler · 21/03/2023 21:29

You share the bathroom with your partner? I assume you share other things too, like bodily fluids....

And one again we have an antagonistic first point trying desperately to set the tone. Is this a sport on here? You win if you get in fast enough with a really rotten, uncharitable and deliberately obtuse reply. What do you even get from it? I genuinely don’t understand. It’s always the first or second post, desperate to set the tone and make it as miserable as possible for the OP from there on in. It’s just really rubbish to see day in day out n here.

SnackSizeRaisin · 21/03/2023 21:59

For most of the history of the human race we've been toileting outside in full view of anyone passing... This obsession with bathroom privacy is another bad side effect of modern life.

RiktheButler · 21/03/2023 22:01

jays · 21/03/2023 21:56

And one again we have an antagonistic first point trying desperately to set the tone. Is this a sport on here? You win if you get in fast enough with a really rotten, uncharitable and deliberately obtuse reply. What do you even get from it? I genuinely don’t understand. It’s always the first or second post, desperate to set the tone and make it as miserable as possible for the OP from there on in. It’s just really rubbish to see day in day out n here.

Show quote history

Hi there thread police. Its not "antagonistic" to raise a point about intimacy.

Your post- now THAT is antagonistic

Lolabear38 · 21/03/2023 22:02

jays · 21/03/2023 21:56

And one again we have an antagonistic first point trying desperately to set the tone. Is this a sport on here? You win if you get in fast enough with a really rotten, uncharitable and deliberately obtuse reply. What do you even get from it? I genuinely don’t understand. It’s always the first or second post, desperate to set the tone and make it as miserable as possible for the OP from there on in. It’s just really rubbish to see day in day out n here.

Show quote history

I agree. It’s really tiresome! It’s not that you can’t disagree with OP before anyone jumps in with that, it’s exactly as you say @jays it’s always antagonistic.

@extremeprivacypreferred i’m 100% with you. We have an en suite and 2 other bathrooms and if DH is in bed or in the bedroom I’ll go out of my way to use another bathroom, even if it’s the middle of the night. I can’t relax if I think someone will hear me!

QuestionsFromThePublic · 21/03/2023 22:06

I would love my own bathroom. I would have a Japanese soaking tub and a shower.

We only have one bathroom and I hate it. I never use a clean bathroom. I clean it and someone always uses it before get a chance.

I always need the loo when OH decides to park himself for ages. I'm sure he would be the same.

jays · 21/03/2023 22:06

RiktheButler · 21/03/2023 22:01

Hi there thread police. Its not "antagonistic" to raise a point about intimacy.

Your post- now THAT is antagonistic

Show quote history

I don’t care what you say and I’m absolutely not trying police anyone… if anything I’d say it’s you who is passive aggressively trying to do that, trying to make the OP feel stupid and shut down the conversation. Are you not bored with this whole ‘let’s get in first and derail it by being mean’ thing that’s going on just now? Is it not getting old for you? It just comes across to me as so contrived. So deliberate and so mean spirited. But please… crack on. You do you! 👍

Devoutspoken · 21/03/2023 22:11

Snacksized raisin, should we all be shagging outside and giving birth in public too, no pain killing drugs either, cos didn't have them in the good old days, who wants human advancement after all

FawnFrenchieMum · 21/03/2023 22:12

scoobydoo1971 · 21/03/2023 21:41

I have four bathrooms. All contain the same new bathroom suites fitted at the same time. All rooms are roughly the same size, and on different floors of my house. Everyone...kids, their visiting Dad, other guests use my ensuite. It is warmer and nicer allegedly. I don't see it myself. However, the upside is less cleaning of other bathrooms! I spent a lot of money having new showers and toilets fitted in these various rooms, and it turned out to be with little merit. My point to you would be that even if you had the facilities, you might not get compliance in your space.

Ohh no way would I allow this!

my en-suite is my private space. I don’t even let the kids use it unless it’s a really really needed (ie main bathroom out of order).

We have four toilets (downstairs, DS’s en-suite, our en-suite & main bathroom).

LuluBlakey1 · 21/03/2023 22:12

We have an ensuite. It has a shower, a washbasin and a loo. DH has it as his bathroom. I use the bathroom next door through the small bedroom. We put a door into the bedroom from our room and I have it as a walk-in wardrobe- no one else uses that bathroom, it is immaculate with lovely toiletries and towels and it gleams. It has a bath, shower, loo and basin. I would like a bidet in there too. Because it's in a tucked away place guests never know it's even there.

I am past the point of ever wanting to share a bathroom again. I don't want anyone else using my loo, making smells, or leaving shavings or hairs or using my towels or invading my private space. It's a haven of peace, tranquility and little luxuries.

There are other bathrooms for the DC and guests and a shower-room downstairs.

SickickFan · 21/03/2023 22:14

I know exactly where you are coming from OP, I have massive toilet anxiety and don’t like sharing or having others in the vicinity when I need to go.

For the first time we now live in a house with 2 bathrooms so we each have our own and now when we go away I have to find a place with the same set up as it causes me massive anxiety if not. I know other people who are the same so it’s more common than you think…

Dibbydoos · 21/03/2023 22:17

Buy a spray of poo loo, spray it in the bowl before you poo voila no smell.

I do though empathise.

I bought my first house with ensuite plus family bathroom and downstairs loo in 1994, I've never looked at a house without an en-suite since. imo ensuites are not a nice to have they're a necessity 😎