If you didn’t go to a private school, what do you think about those who did?

[hanginds]

Do you feel they had an unfair advantage? Do you care? Do you think they don’t know about the real world?

I really struggle to connect with colleagues who were privately educated as they seem almost entitled to the job. They seem fearless about finding alternative work if needs be, yet I just don’t have that confidence. I assume it’s their background as it’s the only difference between us in the academic/work context.

And so @twistyizzy your poor DN will be disadvantaged unless they do an awful lot of work all on their own. That take quite a lot of grit at a young or teenage age

Not wraparound care no, just the normal school day. Wraparound care starts from 5pm onwards.
I am not saying kids in private school work harder, I was replying yo someone who laughed at someone who said kids at private school work hard. This was an ill informed comment which highlighted the poster's ignorance. In order to achieve top grades ALL kids have to work hard, that's the point!
In my view anyone who believes that private school kids are spoon-fed need a kick up the arse.

Honestly you are one of the few on this thread who has a massive chip on your shoulder. And I don’t say that very often.

You are showing such a lot of ignorance in your comments.

Thank goodness in the ‘real world’, private and state educated kids and adults work together just fine. And guess what, some are even friends with each other!

StarmanBobby
I am a top 1% earner, as is DP so it’s not jealous that fuels my views
I am fascinated to know what aspect of education you work in in which you are a top 1% earner and have privately educated people queuing up to work for you.

You say you don’t have a grudge against privately educated people but your comments suggest otherwise - why otherwise are you so spiteful about a set of people you claim not to care about?

Our industry is full of half witted posh boys, and girls, who talk the talk in an interview but lack any real substance.
The private educated ones, who often got into top unis with mediocre school results, have lacked resilience and are unreliable
People who’s confidence doesn’t outmatch their actual ability by 100-1.

I didn’t say that they work ‘harder’, just that it’s complete ignorance to say that private school pupils don’t work ‘hard’. It goes back to the idea that they’re ‘spoon fed’, I’m still not clear what this actually means? Does it mean higher quality teaching in a calmer working environment? If not, what? I’m sure there are many state school pupils who work harder than some private school pupils. And many private school pupils who work harder than some state school pupils. DH was privately educated and he worked far harder than me at a state school for very similar results, because I am more ‘naturally’ academic and didn’t have to work for much at all.
It’s the tired, lazy, ignorant tropes I object to. I’m completely secure in my decision to send my children to independent school as our catchment comprehensive is absolutely dire and I don’t want them ‘battling against the odds’ to get a decent education. It’s not the hunger games. However if I was still erring in my decision and if I was someone who judged the many by the actions of the few then this thread would have made my mind up, because the ignorance and the lack of critical thinking on this thread from many state educated adults is quite something to behold.

But it's true for Oxford and Cambridge - if you're from private schools you have to get higher marks. Think of that what you will as to whether it's right or wrong. But it's a fact.

Well you know what the answer to that is then 😉

@DanceMonster this 100%!!

Am I missing something? My kids and their friends all had to get A stars and As for their top universities, whichever school they attended. How are kids from private schools getting in with ‘mediocre grades’? My friends’ kids who got Bs from private schools are re-sitting. Like kids in the state sector.

Is there some magical UCAS entry system I am missing? Or are the chips on some posters’ shoulders digging into their brains and affecting their cognitive function?

Thank goodness I am out of the school system but the ignorance being spouted by the bitter is amusing to read. If you have an opinion, please make it be an informed one.

I really find this thread sad. I think we should support each other, it is difficult to raise children.

i was state educated, my children are privately educated. I try to help them make friends with children who are kind, polite, hard working and have parents with values I agree with. There are some, how do I phrase this, entitled and precious children at our school. We try to avoid those. We do lot of sports and music outside school and most children there are state educated. Their friendship group is a mix of state and private but all are kind, polite children.

in terms of working hard, surely that is all from the parents? I have told my children that I expect them do always do their very best and do all extensions. I try to stay out if it. But one of my DD (year 7) fell behind massively in school over the past year after we had a bereavement in the family which took her very badly. I’m now spend about an hour every evening and two hours Sat and Sun to help her catch up in her key topics (maths, English, science and French). We bought the school books and are working through it. this is in addition to homework.

We already see a huge improvement over this term and aim to spend quite a bit of time over the summer (about 2-3 hours per day) to ensure that she is on top of everything. Then I will step back again. And I work full time, have no help at all, DH does very little due to a serious health condition.

my children work extremely hard in school (to the best of their ability). Some other privately educated children do that as well. Some don’t.

I would assume it is the same in state school?

as long as the children are kind, polite and hard working, does the educational background really matter?

'I am a top 1% earner, as is DP so it’s not jealous that fuels my views
I am fascinated to know what aspect of education you work in in which you are a top 1% earner and have privately educated people queuing up to work for you.'

It's too outing, but why don't you have a think about what professions who could possibly work across education - when those working in education can run the gamut from consultancy to government, policy to finances, legal to curriculum development, tech to publishing and tech education.
I suppose some people hear education and school and they think - teachers. But obvs there's so much more to it than that.
And privately educated people often do seek out employment in a profession, they aren't all trust fund nepobabies. They seek out positions in my company ( I don't own it. and profession.

This thread is truly hilarious because all the Education threads are about how to get your DC into the selective grammar schools, private tutoring and pushing kids to have the best education possible. Yet this thread is bashing those of us who are choosing private as the best option for our DC. So wanting the nest for your child ie fine until you decide to go down the private route and in that scenario you are setting them up to be universally hated by small minded, judgemental people who use lazy stereotypes to label someone purely on the basis of which school they went to.

This thread has made me think. I have worked in my job here for 21 years and I genuinely don’t know which of my colleagues went to state or private school. Odd given how much people apparently bang on about it!

In fact the only mention was by coincidence yesterday. When a nurse told me that her daughter goes to a top girls’ private school. She is a single immigrant mum and gets half the fees paid. I am not sure I would call her an arrogant out of touch snob, but hey what do I know?

I think what would put me off private school is the pressure I would feel for my fees to be justified. I would hate to spend all that money, that could be used for so many other things (luxuries/house deposits/pension etc etc) and my kids get mediocre results or not be that happy (unless I was very rich and the fees didn't impact us too much).
My next door neighbours growing up went private and we went to state, both me and my brother have done better career wise and their parents don't have much money for their retirement so are still working at quite a late age, they really stretched themselves for private school fees and never went on holidays through those years. Maybe the girls did better than they would have done at state school but neither of them went on to do higher education. Having said that, if they enjoyed school it is money well spent as I hated school, but it's an expensive gamble.

Yet this thread is bashing those of us who are choosing private as the best option for our DC
I don’t agree with the negative descriptions of privately educated people but theres very little appreciation / humility about the fact that this is a choice that is simply not possible for the significant majority of other parents.

Yes and they haven't because in their school putting effort in leads to bullying. It is not cool to be clever or get good marks. This is the precise reason we chose private.
I do not apologise for making that decision and prioritising my child's education. People who send their kids to grammar aren't vilified in the same way yet the whole ethos of grammars is to give clever kids a leg up in the world.

@TheHoover I have posted that we are extremely fortunate to be able to afford private for DD but also that we have saved up for 5 yrs to be able to afford the fees from Yr7 onwards. We chose state primary to be able to save up for private secondary.

‘Yet this thread is bashing those of us who are choosing private as the best option for our DC’

Perhaps it’s useful to know that in a changing world, going private isn’t buying the same long term advantages for your D.C. as it used to? Perhaps something to consider when deciding if it’s ‘best’ when more and more it’s being seen as some elitist?

I don’t think our present government is helping with perceptions, their apparent lack of empathy for ordinary people and their ‘one rule for us, another for everyone else’
attitude is being tied more and more to their privilege, and most of them were privately educated.

@twistyizzy selective grammars are a choice only in very small areas of the country. And of course some who go private will have tried and failed to get into them. Tutoring is also patchy. At DC's school
I can assure you there was precious little spare cash to pay for such a luxury. My DC didn't need it and those who did most likely couldn't afford it.
The assumption that people who go state are piling on privilege in other ways may be true in some areas; it is not universal.

What I'm trying to say is that assumptions are flying around on all sides!

Private school is a massive financial commitment for a family. Have a change in financial circumstances and the consequences of having to take a child out of a fee paying school at short notice could be disastrous.

If we could have confidently afforded fees for three DCs not just in the present but into the future then we may have gone for it.

As it was we couldn't so didnt. Which proved to be a good thing as a couple of years later I was made redundant (main breadwinner). While it was stressful for DH and me the DCs' lives continued as normal.

@StarmanBobby we haven't chosen private to give our DD an advantage. We have chosen it because kids don't get bullied for working hard and achieving top marks, that it offers a broad curriculum that thanks to Tory governments state schools can't match, a wide selection of sports and smaller class sizes.
At no point did we think we were buying advantage, we chose the best option to suit the personality and interests of our DD. If there was a state school locally to us that offered something to suit her better then she would have gone there. There isn't and I am damned if I'm going to apologise for doing the best for my DD to ensure she has an education thar best suits her needs.

Yes I know, we don't have grammars in our county.
Sorry but it is a bit rich to say I am making assumptions when the majority of private bashing posts on this thread have made massive assumptions on the characters of privately educated people, based purely on a handful they have met from the more prestigious private schools.

But you are on here all the time!

‘StarmanBobby we haven't chosen private to give our DD an advantage’

Er, yes you have. But that’s okay. That’s what they’re for.

Tbh you'd better not say what you do as I'm sure your employer wouldn't be that happy that you were mouthing off on social media about how you deliberately turn down students with 1sts from Durham in favour of a 2.1 from Manchester Met 😉