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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband's reaction to finally getting a positive pregnancy test

81 replies

Anonhopingforbaby · 21/03/2023 20:02

My (26) DH (27) and I have been trying to have a baby for the last 2 years. I finally got a positive test today and I'm absolutely over the moon, I know we have a long way to go until everything is safe but at least I can get pregnant, that's my thoughts on it.

DH has accused me of lying on Friday night (when I got a BFN and thought my period had started), to get some comfort out of him before I told him today it was positive. He thinks I lied to get a social media video of his reaction.

I couldn't care less about social media, I'm just happy I got pregnant. AIBU to be upset by his reaction, or am I being sensitive after building up this moment in my head?

OP posts:
DizzyLizzyKizzy · 21/03/2023 23:06

Anonhopingforbaby · 21/03/2023 22:53

@Eyerollcentral

I take pictures and videos at family events for memories but only print out select photos, I'm not in the habit of posting anywhere because I don't have social media.

DH didn't know what implantation bleeding was, everyone in our family knew about our negative test on Friday, my SIL saw me and put 2 and 2 together and got 76, and I'm going to be speaking to her about stirring the pot.

Thanks for your nasty little rant at me though, seems like you're projecting your feelings about social media onto me

Honestly stop sharing so much with SIL, she's BIG trouble!

RisingSunn · 21/03/2023 23:11

Your SIL is trouble. You will need some good boundaries with her.

Rewis · 21/03/2023 23:23

SIL is a trouble maker.

TwinsAndTiramisu · 21/03/2023 23:35

Eyerollcentral · 21/03/2023 22:37

I did read her posts. People don’t usually pluck the idea out of the air that someone will just start filming things. Totally happy for the OP to correct me but it is really odd that her husband was wary of being filmed for his reaction and her SIL says she was filming in boots. Maybe the SIL is a stirrer, seems a huge lie to come up with though and I can’t see how someone would confuse filming with comparing prices of tests. Maybe the husband is totally unreasonable but again it’s a really strange objection to have if the OP doesn’t have a reflex to film everything and post it 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Yeah the social media thing is odd. It's quite apparent when someone is filming themselves, you wouldn't confuse someone looking at their phone, with filming themselves..
so for SIL to say that, either OP was filming something and doesn't want to say, or SIL is a deliberate liar.

It is also weird that your husband knows you don't use social media, but thought that you were planning a big social media display.

newname2022 · 21/03/2023 23:46

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Be careful of that SIL of yours. She sounds like a shit stirring b!tch

Hope all goes smoothly for you Flowers

Thepossibility · 22/03/2023 02:12

I would be very annoyed at SIL and DH! If you don't have form for all the social media bullshit then them gossiping/making up shit about you is very unkind. And ruined what should have been a lovely moment with a bit of a character assassination on you.
Also I had an implantation bleed with all 3 of mine. The first one fooled me too, I'm glad my DH didn't accuse me of lying for attention.

BensonStabler · 22/03/2023 03:52

Congratulations on your long awaited pregnancy OP 💐 I am so sorry that your DH’s reaction was not what it should have been or what you had expected. It seems entirely down to your SIL’s shady stirring. Who the f* does that about something so intimately personal between a couple?! You must have words with her.

I am so glad you have since cleared things up with your DH, hopefully the reality and excitement sets in for him now too and you can both share that joy. Wishing you a healthy, happy pregnancy and best wishes for your future as a soon to be family of three 😊

Thoughtful2355 · 22/03/2023 03:58

No sorry your update doesnt make sense and i dont think its "ironed out"

sure his sister seeing you THAT DAY buying a test proves you got a negative... otherwise you would have ALREADY had the positive pregnancy test and wouldnt have had to buy another, sorry it sounds fishy to me....

TeaAndTwoSugars · 22/03/2023 06:25

@Thoughtful2355

Are you SIL?

Original poster
Anonhopingforbaby · 22/03/2023 06:42

Thoughtful2355 · 22/03/2023 03:58

No sorry your update doesnt make sense and i dont think its "ironed out"

sure his sister seeing you THAT DAY buying a test proves you got a negative... otherwise you would have ALREADY had the positive pregnancy test and wouldnt have had to buy another, sorry it sounds fishy to me....

I'm a bit confused by what you're saying?

I had a negative test on Friday, and then had some spotting which I assumed was the start of my period. This went away by Saturday morning but I left it because I didn't think I could be pregnant.

By yesterday morning I'd still not had a period, so I went to go and buy a digital test and SIL saw me and jumped to conclusions

OP posts:
MrMarkham · 22/03/2023 06:42

Thoughtful2355 · 22/03/2023 03:58

No sorry your update doesnt make sense and i dont think its "ironed out"

sure his sister seeing you THAT DAY buying a test proves you got a negative... otherwise you would have ALREADY had the positive pregnancy test and wouldnt have had to buy another, sorry it sounds fishy to me....

Eh?

She got a negative on Friday and had spotting so told her husband (and whole family?!) it was a negative. After spotting didn't turn into period four days later she went to buy another test which is when SIL saw her. New test positive so she told husband and he accused her of lying about negative four days before to get attention. Anyway OP you sound lovely and congratulations (next time maybe ask your husband not to tell his whole family about the minutiae of your reproductive cycle and they might keep their beaks out!)

RampantIvy · 22/03/2023 06:44

@Anonhopingforbaby congratulations on your pregnancy, although I'm puzzled as to why everyone in our family knew about our negative test on Friday.

Why are you telling everyone this level of detail about your sex life? It isn't normal to do this. In fact why does everyone have to know you are TTC?

Original poster
Anonhopingforbaby · 22/03/2023 06:46

@RampantIvy

By everyone we mean parents and siblings. Because TTC for two years took a real toll on us and we didn't want to be alone in those feelings.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 22/03/2023 06:50

I guess I am a more private person than you then. It took 17 years for me to get prregnant with DD. We just didn't discuss it with anyone else as it wasn't their business.

Good luck Flowers

Eqs · 22/03/2023 06:58

Your SIL is a cow. Your DH is not very bright and needs to wake up, I really hope he does.

Eqs · 22/03/2023 07:02

I agree also that keeping things private is a real advantage. If you need support surely your parent or a sibling would suffice - not everyone needs to know everything all the time. And the fact they seem to be immediately aware of what happens each month with almost immediate effect is a bit creepy. But if that works for you…. Though, given recent events I’m not sure it does!!

RampantIvy · 22/03/2023 07:04

I think to manage expectations (no pun intended) you may find the level of involvement from these family members in your pregnancy - giving you unsolicted advice or potentially incorrect and dangerous advice might be rather invasive and stifling.

MayThe4th · 22/03/2023 07:14

This all sounds incredibly unhealthy.

It’s one thing family knowing on some level you’ve been trying for a baby, it’s quite another to share your every negative pregnancy test with them.

Personally I was never a fan of testing every month anyway, from that perspective I think that pregnancy tests do more harm than good as they lead to a level of obsession which only benefits the manufacturers who are raking in the profits at the emotional expense of the women desperate for a BFP. And I speak as someone who ttc for 18 months for my first and for five years (unsuccessfully) for a second.

But given how involved all your family was, they were essentially in on any developments, and that includes the buying of pregnancy tests, and so it seems inevitable that if a family member saw you out buying a pregnancy test she would tell your dh since she seemingly has been just as involved in your journey as he has.

Curseofthenation · 22/03/2023 07:45

Your SIL and DP sound really immature. Your DP should trust you and engage his brain before jumping to silly conclusions.

ExpatInSlavikLand · 22/03/2023 07:46

Anonhopingforbaby · 21/03/2023 22:43

She texted him straight away because everyone knows we've been trying so desperately for a baby

Show quote history

Nice of her to steal your thunder 🙄

MissMaple82 · 22/03/2023 07:48

Oh my goodness, you didn't film him did you! 😳🙄

Newestname002 · 22/03/2023 08:09

@Anonhopingforbaby

She texted him straight away

Your SIL is taking a lot upon herself: that's a discussion between you and your husband. Why is she making it her business to tell anyone what she saw and, as someone else said, "stir the pot"? Who else did she tell I wonder? 🌹

toomuchlaundry · 22/03/2023 08:18

I wouldn’t be LTB but I would be moving! Family far too involved! Do they all know you tested positive now? Can’t believe your SIL’s actions

SkyandSurf · 22/03/2023 08:47

Your SIL sounds like a shit stirring bitch.

Even if she saw you buying a test, she should keep that news to herself- obviously you would want to be the one to speak to your husband about it. I can't believe she tried to tell him first!!

Watch out for her, she doesn't have your best interests at heart.

DarkShade · 22/03/2023 09:32

Your SIL has really crossed a line. Why does she think it's her place to potentially share news that belongs to you and your husband with your husband first? If she saw you buying a test she should have assumed that something had given you cause to doubt the negative test, or perhaps that you were buying for next time as a way to keep thinking positive. For her to instantly assume that you had been lying the day before and are planning on filming your DH for social media is honestly deranged. It sounds like she has your DH's ear too much, he should never have listened to her in the first place. Is there history there of there not liking you or being possessive of your DH? If she was so concerned why wouldn't she approach you instead of texting DH?

In my experience it's normal for women to buy the tests and take them by themselves, you need that little time to process. What is she thinking getting involved in that.

Unlike other posters I also don't think it's weird to share with your family, all families are different and need support differently. Your DH is also entitled to support from his family, so it's fair if he wants them to know and you're all happy with it. But you do need a conversation about boundaries and what his family do with that info, you don't want your pregnancy to be the source of family gossip and unsolicited opinions. If she sees you buying clothes will she be ringing him up and saying that you are lying about knowing the gender for example?