Hating life with a puppy

[LL32]

My partner moved in at the beginning of the year, a month later we bought our first puppy. Neither of us has owned a dog before but were both super excited.

I hate my life now. I was so happy with my partner moving in, it felt so natural and my 12 year DD adjusted well too. Home has always been my favourite place and now I absolutely hate being here. My partner is very active in caring for pup so it’s not like he’s not helping.

We’ve just had a row over pup as he tried to come downstairs and take over because he thought I was getting too angry. This just felt so patronising and obviously hit a nerve because I do feel like the worlds shittest dog owner.

He loves pup and they are best mates, I just feel like the evil puppy hater and I’m jealous of the bond they have. I’ve had 3 hours sleep tonight and I'm currently on the sofa next to pups crate just crying. Someone please tell me it gets better because I’m starting to feel very very dark.

Thats really reassuring to read, thank you. We also looked into re homing and you’re right it’s not a simple process with kids at home.

I’m sure we’ll get there eventually and I am sure I too will never have a puppy again!

😂😂😂 I needed this!

Oh crikey. You definitely need to get your OH to be as boring AF in the middle of the night. They are like babies, so don't play with them they should be sleeping. When ours was tiny we split the overnight shift. So one went to bed really late and the other got up really early until bladder was okay overnight.

Oh, and it does pass!

He really is, hence why I still Iove him! 😂

The first few months with my pups were hell on wheels. I set my alarm for 2am to do an overnight wee trip into the garden and made it as unstimulating as possible for us both - no lights on, literally straight out of bed, downstairs, out, wee, back into bed. If pup was awake otherwise and speaking to me, I'd say 'time for sleep' and nothing more. Having a lunchtime walk as well as morning & evening helped with wearing them out too.
I'm sorry it's triggering memories of early days as a mum, from your posts you're doing everything right and it's just puppy teenager nightmare getting to you. It does get better, promise!

In my experiences puppies bark desperately/ high pitched when they want to go out. The two we have had in recent years did anyway. We crated them overnight next to our bed just till they went through the night to avoid accidents and night time craziness, but that only took some weeks - I know that does depend on breed.

I do feel sorry for your dog though. Not because of you, but because of the inconsistency. Dogs are pretty much programmed to want to please you, and you are getting fed up with yours when he is just confused about what is expect of him. This isn't personal to you, and I think if you are struggling this much emotionally you need to do something to process that.

And puppies do get easier, SO much easier.

It's just a puppy and it doesn't know any better. Can you find some spare cash for training? I think life might get a bit easier with commands. Shouting doesn't work with animals. They respond well to treat based rewarding. I know sleep deprivation is awful but reading up on it lots and finding a way to bond and train your dog will reward you with a lifelong pal who you can enjoy walks with. 😊 Good luck to you.

You (and he) will definitely get there!

One day it will suddenly occur to you that everything has been lovely for a little while and you’ll start saying “isn’t he great now he’s grown up a bit” etc whilst knowing you’d rather have bamboo slivers shoved under your fingernails than do the puppy stage ever again 😂

He’s a really gorgeous looking puppy btw! I’m convinced the more challenging they are, the cuter they are. It’s natures defence mechanism!

Oh he is gorgeous!
Don;t feel bad that your DP can survive better being woken up all through the night than you can - just make the most of it and let him take more of the load. Get yourself some really good ear plugs (loop ones are good) and get some sleep. Recognise when you're not coping and let him take over. It's ok not to be able to cope sometimes - I should know I had 2 years of not coping with ds not sleeping!

If stopping that trigger would help you, drop me a PM.

Also, as the owner of six dogs - all bar one from puppies - and the youngest being 7 months I can promise you it does get better.

I 100% feel your pain. 2 or 3 weeks after getting our puppy I thought I'd made the absolute worst decision. The destruction, hyperactivity during the day and night waking. Once we could take her for decent walks she chilled out during the day and slept better at night.

How old is your puppy? The puppy blues are real! I felt really down when my puppy was about 12 weeks old because I felt like it was constant. Constantly taking him out every 20-30 mins to the toilet, broken sleep, never getting a rest etc. I felt like I was tied to the house or if I was out the house puppy had to be with me.

Hes now 6 months old and is an absolute dream. We work from home a lot of the time so he knows this is his time to rest as we can’t play with him for hours on end. He wakes up at 7.30, goes to the toilet then sleeps most of the day until we finish work at 3ish. The best advice I was ever given was the puppy should follow our routine. We didn’t wake up in the night for him and he quickly learned not to do the toilet in his crate. He can now hold his toilet from 9pm-7.30/8am.

I promise it gets better!

Puppies are hard work and you've picked a pretty intense breed for first time owners.

Consistency is key so you need to speak to DP and get on the same page with regards to training and her sleep habits.

When mine got up in the night, we put him on a lead, took him out, then it was straight back to bed. No playing, no other interaction and definitely no chews. They need to learn that night-time is for sleep. They can get up for the toilet but then it's straight back to sleep again.

Like PP said, it does get better. Mine improved massively around five months - and then about six weeks later, we hit adolescence 😂lots of consistency, praise the good and set them up for success! Good luck!

My dog is now 3. When she was a puppy I felt like I was developing PND again, as the sleep deprivation and feelings of being trapped and overwhelmed was a direct throwback to how I felt after each of my babies were born. It was horrible. I would have given her back to the breeder in a heartbeat. It took over a year for me to really love her.

I really rate Easy Peasy Puppy Squeezy and the Dog Training Advice and Support UK facebook group (they also have a great book that is easy to follow and very comprehensive).

Puppies are just little gits for a year or two while they mature. In my experience the important things for a happy puppy and therefore a happy home are consistency from everyone in the household, clear expectations the dog can understand, sufficient mental stimulation/enrichment balanced with plenty of downtime and lots of positive reinforcement when they get stuff right. And a great force free trainer/puppy classes.

You’ll get there in the end. Good luck!

Oh, he's lovely. I have an Australian Shepherd too, they are amazing dogs. As you have discovered, they are whip smart and easily trainable.

I do think your pup is too young to be left on his own for 4 hours, though. Does this happen often? Maybe he is unsettled at night because he has been left on his own for too long during the day?

I'm not a fan of crates. Some puppies find them too confining and would be better off in a pen or a room that is safe for them (with all the chewable temptations removed!).

Many people experience the puppy blues, so you are not alone. Be prepared for the adolescent phase to kick in a few months from now as well. . .

LL32

”He’s actually ok, settles really well and will fall asleep fine. It’s just he has a short sleep cycle currently and will then want to play once he’s up. It’s hard knowing wether to let him let off steam before putting him back or if that’s teaching him a bad habit. I have no clue!”

I really would give a bed in the bedroom a go. You are mum and dad now and he’ll take his cue from you. If you’re sleeping, that may be enough. It was for us. Best of luck.

He is redonculously cute!

I was exactly the same with my baby and puppy. I realised in hindsight I'm not good with not being in control of situations and when babies and puppies don't do what the book says, I found it super stressful! I had baby blues and puppy blues. It wasn't until puppy was over 1yr that I started to properly bond with her. We had a lot of behavioural problems with her wanting to chase anything that moved, lunging and barking at traffic, cyclists etc and spent a fortune on training and behaviourists. She's now 3 and things are sooo much better, I'm glad we persevered. With the benefit of hindsight, I wish I'd found a way to relax a bit and just get to know her but easier said than done when you feel totally overwhelmed. Sorry, not much advice but just to say I hear you and to hang in there, it will be worth it eventually.

This could have been written by me a few months ago! My pup is 18 months now and although he/we still have our moments it's so much better and gets better every week

I have a large breed puppy, 10 month old now, and I felt like giving her back a few times over the months. The turnaround was when I got a crate, it has made all the difference and she often puts herself in there. I went through the I am a horrible owner thing too, and felt like I was not giving her a good life. It is so much easier now, it does get a lot better. I guess they are all different, my last dog had to be in the bedroom or she was disruptive.

I was like this with my cat tbh when she was a kitten.

My cat ended up at emergency vets 5 days after bringing her home as she had contracted cat flu before her vacs. Also she had fleas. In a terrible state.

It was very hard to care for her as she was so sick for weeks.

But she did get better. And I'm completely obsessed with her. However she is demanding and wants attention 24 7 so sometimes I do miss being able to watch the TV in peace.

I regretted getting our puppy. So did my husband. And we both came from families that had always had dogs. He was a little shitlord! Cried all night. Refused to poo or pee on puppy mats or outside despite being bright enough to know. Wouldn’t walk on a lead. Ran away when off lead… the list goes on…

He’s 9 now, currently curled up next to me snoring. Those first few months were a bit of a shock, but moving on from that and fining our flow he’s been the best boy. I love him so much I could cry.

Unfortunately getting a pup is very like having a baby but no one tells you this. The sleepless nights, bedwetting, the on edge sense of responsibility and constant worry. People forget this. I forgot this. I've had a dog before but my husband got a pup and I'm feeling like my life is ruined.
There's been some very good advice provided, I don't think I can add any more. Except just like with a baby you need to give yourself a break, take time out, try and find things you and pup do together just the two of you that builds a bond, like a special toy just you have.

You and partner need to read through all the puppy guides on this grp
https://m.facebook.com/groups/374160792599484/
They really will help (there's is a book too and you can ask questions when you've read the guides).
The key is understanding training in terms of behavioural principles and using positive rewards. You must must be consistent too.
It does get better honest.