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Original poster

Hating life with a puppy

109 replies

LL32 · 21/03/2023 03:37

My partner moved in at the beginning of the year, a month later we bought our first puppy. Neither of us has owned a dog before but were both super excited.

I hate my life now. I was so happy with my partner moving in, it felt so natural and my 12 year DD adjusted well too. Home has always been my favourite place and now I absolutely hate being here. My partner is very active in caring for pup so it’s not like he’s not helping.

We’ve just had a row over pup as he tried to come downstairs and take over because he thought I was getting too angry. This just felt so patronising and obviously hit a nerve because I do feel like the worlds shittest dog owner.

He loves pup and they are best mates, I just feel like the evil puppy hater and I’m jealous of the bond they have. I’ve had 3 hours sleep tonight and I'm currently on the sofa next to pups crate just crying. Someone please tell me it gets better because I’m starting to feel very very dark.

OP posts:
SquashPenguin · 21/03/2023 08:14

I remember shutting the dog in the kitchen when he was a pup and just crying upstairs once! It felt like a nightmare. He bit a lot but the toilet training just wasn’t working and I couldn’t cope cleaning up shit six times a day and scrubbing the carpet. Then one day it clicked out of nowhere and the biting stopped as well. Feels like forever when you’re in the thick of it but it really does get better.

Onegingerhead · 21/03/2023 08:17

Some people love dogs, some people grow to love dogs, some don’t. I m the former, DH is the second and you might be the third. No advice here,but I was never ever bothered by the puppy stage (neither was DH). Puppies (and dogs) do messy and horrible things, but you do love them if you do (does it make sense?). Bit like with children, really. Just sounds like you OP isn’t comparable with dogs.. sorry. Talk to your partner about this.

feellikezerobucks · 21/03/2023 08:22

@LL32 I know exactly how you feel...tbh for me it didn't get better until we rehomed our dog (we had her 3 months).
Thought I would be devastated the day she left but all I felt was sheer relief and even now, remembering what it was like and what it did to me makes my heart skip a beat with both anxiety and relief.
You do what is right for you xxxx

BarrelOfOtters · 21/03/2023 08:22

It gets better, especially once they can go out. Take them out now ans sit with them on your lap and tire them out seeing things too.

it does get better though.

they are usually worse when tired. I was on here weeping when we’d had her about 3 weeks and would happily have sent her back. My husband was besotted. Still remember him though standing at the top of the stairs with the land shark at the bottom running riot shouting ‘for christs sake I’ll never be able to walk downstairs again’.

ours calmed down at 5 to 6 months….now she’s upstairs asleep snoring her head off and has been since 8 last night. She’s 3.

FrappuccinoLight · 21/03/2023 08:26

WiddlinDiddlin · 21/03/2023 04:44

Puppies shouldn't be left to cry, if you've been told to do so or you've been told that if you sleep next to the puppy you'll cause problems, ignore this, its bullshit and it will make both you and the puppy feel much much worse.

You ALL need decent sleep - you can sort out teaching the puppy to sleep in a closed crate somewhere else later on, when they're secure and confident, but right now... you just all need sleep so do whatever is necessary, whether thats you on the sofa by the puppy, puppy up beside your bed or in your bed or in a soft crate on your bed, whatever reduces and ideally, removes, you and your puppies distress.

Puppies trigger us to produce oxytocin and this can really do a number on our brains making us feel unexpectedly emotional, particularly after the high of the excitement and anticipation of planning the puppy and going to get the puppy... lots of people experience this but don't realise what it is and think its just them, it REALLY isn't.

If you need further support, I highly recommend the puppy training app Zigzag - it has a free trial so you don't have to commit straight away, but it will give you access to sensible advice, week by week lessons/stuff to do AND... 24 hour access to qualified, experienced trainers either by live chat or over the phone (no extra cost, and if you cancel the free trial before the end, no cost at all!). Often simply being able to talk to someone in real time can really help.

A really helpful and well explained post - OP, this seems like really goo advice. Good luck 🥹

PinkPanther50 · 21/03/2023 08:29

Put a bed in your room and let the puppy sleep there. Being shut in a crate away from you is obviously distressing for pup. I’ve had a few dogs and never did the crate thing (seems to be a recent trend) and all my dogs have been fantastic dogs

Rubyupbeat · 21/03/2023 08:29

A puppy is hard work, I really wanted ours, a lifetime of waiting, but boy, she wore me out. I did know what We were letting ourselves in for, as my friend always had border collies, so I knew they were a demanding breed.
I knew it would ease, as I met other owners on walks and classes and met neighbours I never knew I had.
Please keep at it and please don't shout or get angry with her, it frightens them so much.
My girl is 10 now (plus we have a rescue, giant breed) and she has given more to us than we have ever given her, pulled me from the blackest clouds and forced me out in the fresh air, where otherwise I would be curled in a ball under a duvet. I love her so much, just as you will with yours.

DogsDryWineAndCheese · 21/03/2023 08:32

feellikezerobucks · 21/03/2023 08:22

@LL32 I know exactly how you feel...tbh for me it didn't get better until we rehomed our dog (we had her 3 months).
Thought I would be devastated the day she left but all I felt was sheer relief and even now, remembering what it was like and what it did to me makes my heart skip a beat with both anxiety and relief.
You do what is right for you xxxx

Whilst I am usually behind the sentiment of ‘you do what is right for you’ - this is a living, breathing sentient being. Either make the commitment or don’t.

OP, it’s shit. I had a new puppy recently after a few years of not having young dogs. Christ. There was about 6 weeks where I couldn’t stand her. All she did was cry, mouth with her needle teeth, screech etc etc. and I’m a (fairly) experienced dog owner. I promise you that it does get better. One day you’ll realise your puppy is a joy and that this stage has gone. And you’ll actually miss how cute they were and that you had managed to make the most of it!
If your dog isn’t in a crate, I’d highly recommend it. Get a crate cover or blanket for one end and a really comfortable bed. Make it really cosy. Have a high value toy that’s reserved for the puppy’s crate time. I recommend a kong with some sort of paste inside. Don’t just put the puppy in the crate at night, sometimes do it in the day. The crate isn’t for punishment, it’s a safe & cosy place where you want the puppy to enjoy.

Carrots - go and buy a cheap (wonky shaped) bag from the supermarket. This will do the wonders for entertaining the puppy. It’s stimulating as well as good for those devil teeth.

Puppy Classes - find a local one. It sounds like the support would be helpful.

What breed is your dog?

I promise it gets better!

DogsDryWineAndCheese · 21/03/2023 08:36

Oh, I’ve just re-read and seen that puppy isn’t happy in the crate. Can you pop your hand in to reassure whilst you’re on the sofa? Is the bedding comfortable? Are you going out with the puppy to the garden in the night? Puppies can’t comfortably hold the toilet all night so it might be that your puppy is trying to tell you something!

billyt · 21/03/2023 08:37

We used a crate but only as a refuge so our pup could relax. Door was never shut, just a blanket in there, so he could go in and out as he wanted. our grandson was very young and a bit boisterous so the crate allowed pup to get away. Pup is just over year old now and the crate is folded away and thinks the sun shines out of our grandson's backside Grin.

One thing I would not do is have a Teddy (or any soft toy, really)handy for a pup to chew on. They can then think any child's toy is fair game. Ours only had/has dog toys/chews.

Good luck, it will get better.

BarrelOfOtters · 21/03/2023 09:03

We didn’t crate. It’s not compulsory if they hate it.

fishydelishy · 21/03/2023 09:05

puppies are the devil- but they do get better. Also look up puppy blues- what your feeling is completely normal, so don't worry about the fact you are struggling.

And whilst puppies are cute they don't yet have the personality to bond easily with. I loved my puppy, but he didn't become my best friend until he was older.

Nowillpowerarall · 21/03/2023 09:08

Our hated his crate and hated being downstairs. The biting and nightmare behaviour improved when he was about 7 or 8 months old. He now sleeps on one of my children's beds with them or in his own bed upstairs. He has one of those circular very soft beds.

Ponoka7 · 21/03/2023 09:09

What breed have you bought? Some are much better than others and it changes how you respond. I've always had GS. Mouthing wasn't allowed, I had chew toys before I got my puppy. They were given if the puppy needed to chew. If you get angry, then the puppy should be handled by your DP, you'll cause nervousness/fear. Again the breed depends on the training methods and when to start. I have had more sleepless nights with puppies than I did my babies.

notthisagainforest · 21/03/2023 09:14

Can the pup go out for walks yet ? This helps hugely they just need to be worn out. If he can go out take him over a field and let him run before bed. If he can't then this will get so much better once he can have his exercise

Original poster
LL32 · 21/03/2023 09:15

LakieLady · 21/03/2023 08:07

Are you my neighbour? If so, I hate you having a puppy too, and I think it's fucking disgusting when you leave it to cry for hours late at night and in the early hours of the morning.

I never left either of my puppies to cry during the night out of consideration for my neighbours. I'd get up for them, get them out of their crate, and sit with them on my lap until they dozed off again, whereupon I would pop them back in the crate.

Both of them were sleeping through the night after a couple of weeks, although one had a bit of a relapse at approx 5 months.

That’s exactly what I’m doing, hence being up throughout the night. Did you actually read what I’d written at all? Go and talk to your neighbour rather than projecting your issues on to me

OP posts:
Groutyonehereagain · 21/03/2023 09:15

It’s very early days and yes it does get better. Do try and be kind and patient, as dogs are very good at picking up on human emotions.

We also have a puppy and she’s nearly six months now. Already it’s all much easier. Be calm and consistent, dogs have so much love to give! Just be patient, it gets easier and more rewarding. 🐾🐶

Original poster
LL32 · 21/03/2023 09:29

stayathomer · 21/03/2023 04:04

(Sorry I write as you were writing, hopefully someone can help with the barking and the sleep). We don’t crate our little man, he’s in the kitchen, is that an option?

Unfortunately not as he will eat (not just chew) literally anything and everything. He very much thinks with his belly!

OP posts:
Groutyonehereagain · 21/03/2023 09:31

Just out of interest @LL32 what breed is your puppy?

Original poster
LL32 · 21/03/2023 09:32

Ponoka7 · 21/03/2023 09:09

What breed have you bought? Some are much better than others and it changes how you respond. I've always had GS. Mouthing wasn't allowed, I had chew toys before I got my puppy. They were given if the puppy needed to chew. If you get angry, then the puppy should be handled by your DP, you'll cause nervousness/fear. Again the breed depends on the training methods and when to start. I have had more sleepless nights with puppies than I did my babies.

He’s an Australian shepherd so highly intelligent. I do think I’m the midst of last night I’m painting a bad picture of him (sleep deprivation hit me hard!) He already knows so many commands and is generally training quite well. I agree with the getting angry, it’s never directed at him but he’ll obviously pick up on it which I don’t want

OP posts:
Original poster
LL32 · 21/03/2023 09:33

Groutyonehereagain · 21/03/2023 09:31

Just out of interest @LL32 what breed is your puppy?

He’s a 5 month old Australian shepherd. He’s beautiful but testing!

OP posts:
Original poster
LL32 · 21/03/2023 09:35

fishydelishy · 21/03/2023 09:05

puppies are the devil- but they do get better. Also look up puppy blues- what your feeling is completely normal, so don't worry about the fact you are struggling.

And whilst puppies are cute they don't yet have the personality to bond easily with. I loved my puppy, but he didn't become my best friend until he was older.

Thank you! That’s exactly how I feel, I love him to bits but I’m really struggling to bond with him. I didn’t enjoy the baby phase with my daughter and this feels very similar

OP posts:
Original poster
LL32 · 21/03/2023 09:37

Onegingerhead · 21/03/2023 08:17

Some people love dogs, some people grow to love dogs, some don’t. I m the former, DH is the second and you might be the third. No advice here,but I was never ever bothered by the puppy stage (neither was DH). Puppies (and dogs) do messy and horrible things, but you do love them if you do (does it make sense?). Bit like with children, really. Just sounds like you OP isn’t comparable with dogs.. sorry. Talk to your partner about this.

I understand what you’re saying. I love dogs, I’m around them all day at work and feel very bonded with those ones. I just don’t think I’m coping with the puppy phase. I did always say to my partner I’d rather get a slightly older dog because I thought this might be the case

OP posts:
Original poster
LL32 · 21/03/2023 09:42

Thank you for all the support and practical advice. It’s made me feel like I’m not the only one which I have felt like for a while now-who doesn’t love puppies?!

I’m going to try a few of the practical tips that have been advised. I definitely need to speak to others in a similar position. He did go to puppy class but was a bit too mad and upset the other dogs. We have a trainer who is brilliant. I’m just struggling with the huge adjustment.

Just to clarify, he’s happy in the crate and is in and out of it all day. At night he wants a wee and then to jump around for a bit which I find hard. When I said “crying next to the crate” I meant me haha puppy was fast asleep!

Also I didn’t direct my anger at him it was my poor partner. But obviously he’ll pick up on it which is awful

OP posts:
Laiste · 21/03/2023 09:45

Oh my god i bet he's gorgeous!!

(sorry no help!)