Hating life with a puppy

[LL32]

My partner moved in at the beginning of the year, a month later we bought our first puppy. Neither of us has owned a dog before but were both super excited.

I hate my life now. I was so happy with my partner moving in, it felt so natural and my 12 year DD adjusted well too. Home has always been my favourite place and now I absolutely hate being here. My partner is very active in caring for pup so it’s not like he’s not helping.

We’ve just had a row over pup as he tried to come downstairs and take over because he thought I was getting too angry. This just felt so patronising and obviously hit a nerve because I do feel like the worlds shittest dog owner.

He loves pup and they are best mates, I just feel like the evil puppy hater and I’m jealous of the bond they have. I’ve had 3 hours sleep tonight and I'm currently on the sofa next to pups crate just crying. Someone please tell me it gets better because I’m starting to feel very very dark.

Is he toilet trained? That's the hardest bit for me mentally.

This will all pass OP. Don't worry if he seems to have bonded with your DP so much at first. That can be disappointing. But as he grows he will love all of you 😊

And - lastly - puppies are harder than babies. So don't beat yourself up.

I've had 4 kids and 2 puppies and the puppies were def harder.

I lost weight when we first bought my puppy home. He was such hard work as he never sat still even for 30 seconds. Dealing with puppy behaviour is really hard until you fall in love and bond.

All my friends and our trainer ensured things would get easier but I just couldn't see it happening. Assumed my dog was an anomaly.

He's 7 years old now and is the light of my life.

As long as you are doing all you're supposed to as a dog owner, it will get better. Just have to be patient.

I found puppy classes that were outside much easier than those in a village hall environment. More space and ability to walk away from the group if things got a bit mad. Might be worth looking for something like that particularly going into spring/summer

I wasn’t a great mum to my daughter when she was born and it’s triggering that exact same guilt

Who told you that? You or someone else?

It’s hard. I sat up with ours on my lap the first night. We had the crate in our room to begin with. She had a hot water bottle and a ticking clock to comfort her. We used to carry the crate upstairs in the evening and back down in the morning. One night when she was about five months she got into the crate downstairs at bed time so I decided to leave her there and see how it went. She’s always slept downstairs ever since. She decided she didn’t need the crate shortly after that.

Puppies are hard work, they’re also fun and hugely rewarding.

To anyone that is thinking of getting a dog I'd strongly suggest getting a dog expert in before you do so. They can adviose what type of dog will suit your lifestyle and what age too.
Some people would be better getting a 2 year old than a puppy. Some dogs need miles of exercise several times a day, others will sleep much of the day. Similarly some dogs are loyal to one person and will defend that person against all others whereas some will love anyone and everyone.

It is really important to get the right dog for you and your lifestyle.

Good luck

You chose a breed that needs lot of input and mental stimulation , so it will be busy times

But right now you are at the hardest stage and it will get better

That’s a bold choice of breed for a first dog!

I’d find a breed specific training book online and a dog trainer experienced with the Bren

It will get better!

PinkPanther50 · Today 08:29
Put a bed in your room and let the puppy sleep there. Being shut in a crate away from you is obviously distressing for pup. I’ve had a few dogs and never did the crate thing (seems to be a recent trend) and all my dogs have been fantastic dogs“

This. Ours was good as gold on the sofa in our bedroom, slept through the night within days.

I had a puppy before I had kids, though had dogs when growing up, and now I've had kids. It's like having a baby. It's such hard work.

It's recommended not to leave any breeds prone to separation anxiety alone for longer than 4 hours if you only have 1 dog. Aussies are one of those breeds that suffer this so might be why your puppy is barking at night and not settling in the crate. Have you tried having the crate in your bedroom or in the upstairs landing with the bedroom door open so s/he can see you if there is room. Failing that BF could sleep on a camp bed downstairs in the room where the puppy is crated (tongue in cheek). 😈

Came across a lovely webpage with lots of great info on keeping Aussies or any herding breed mentally and physically stimulated as a knackered pup might sleep better. Wish my parents had something like this when they had their Belgian Shepherd Groenendael in the 70's. It's alot of work with a pets but worth it once you have a well trained, loving dog at the end. Good luck with it all OP.
Website Guide to exercising Australian Shepherd dogs

Thank you, I’ll have a read on that. I fell in love with the breed as I’m very close to 14 year old Aussie, they aren’t kidding when they’re referred to as Velcro dogs! He does so well when no one’s home, we can see him chilling on the puppy camera and he’s good at night but just sleeps in 2 hour patterns. He’s worse if we’re in and he’s left downstairs or in another room. He is lovely and I think it’s definitely me that needs to adjust, I think I need to reassess what I’m doing/not doing

He’s actually ok, settles really well and will fall asleep fine. It’s just he has a short sleep cycle currently and will then want to play once he’s up. It’s hard knowing wether to let him let off steam before putting him back or if that’s teaching him a bad habit. I have no clue!

I was 19 when I had her an became very depressed. I was totally checked out, I did the basics and that was it. Family members weren’t great at that time, I clearly wasn’t well. I’ve made my peace with it as much as I ever will but this situation is really triggering the same guilt

Don't play with him when he wakes up. If he needs the toilet (normally you can hear it on the bark after a while), let him out, no chat, no play, no nonthing, let him back in and into the crate and go back to sleep. Of course he will bark if he thinks it gets him some nighttime play time. Also, does he genuinely need a wee after a sleep cycle do you think? At almost 6 months I would think he should be able to go most of the night.

He has toilet trained so well, no accidents within 2 weeks of having him. He is so intelligent and we’ve taught him a lot already. It’s just hard when it’s 3am, you’ve had no sleep and you feel like you’re being judged by your partner (my interpretation).

Thank you for the reassurance

But I don't get why you've had no sleep if the dog is sleeping fine?

It gets easier, they mellow out very quickly. I think by about 8 months old we only had the lovely bits of dog ownership to deal with, all the training was done and he's been the same happy dog ever since. I get it taking its toll though. My brother saw me and my dog (who at the time was about 2) and our amazing relationship and decided to get a puppy. At about 12 weeks in he confided on me that he thought he'd made an awful mistake and said "what have I done?!". He stuck it through and now their puppy is a lovely family dog, like ours. What breed is puppy?

That’s really good to know because that’s my logic. So last night he went down at 10pm, at 12pm he was doing a muffled type bark so I let him out to have a wee and some water then put him back in.

Then he was up again at 2.30, let him out for a wee then when I brought him back in and out him back in the crate he was very vocal. I let him and back out and he had a chew on some things (lightbulb moment, I should have put a chew toy in with him!)

I got annoyed at my partner as he came down and started cuddling with him and giving him attention.

He can go 4 hours at home with no one in and will hold his bladder so I’m inclined to think it’s a separation issue/he knows he’ll get played with

That’s really good to know, thank you. Your brothers words are exactly my feeling ms at the moment. I’d never send him back but I am struggling.

He’s an Australian shepherd so he does need a lot of mental stimulation which we knew, they are very active as well. It’s early days and I’m finding it tough to get a routine/some sleep

Honestly I feel a bit sorry for your dog. If you are going to crate train then do it consistently. How confusing for him that he gets cuddles and play time in the middle of the night if you want him to be sleeping then.
Why are you getting up for a muffled bark? You can hear when dogs are desperate to get out for a wee. And you know he can go 4 hours but are letting him out after 2. Either stop the crate training entirely or start being consistent with it.

I did point out that it’s an inconsistency between my partner and I and something we need to discuss tonight. We argued last night over the issue as I completely agree with what you’re saying.

When you say “you can hear when a dog is desperate for a wee” it’s like saying to new mum “oh you can tell the babies cry is because it’s nappy needs changing”. I don’t know at all what the different barks mean, as I said I’m a new owner.

Please don’t make comments like “I feel sorry for your dog”. Genuinely I’m in tears most days with guilt and not knowing what I’m supposed to do. I’m doing my best and a comment like that actually really hurts

Having a puppy is thoroughly unenjoyable, in my experience.

It does get better but my god it took 18 months for it all to settle with mine. Some of it was my fault, for not being consistent enough with him but a lot was just puppy behaviour you just have to endure.

I only got a puppy because it’s so tricky to rehome when you have a child, especially a relatively young one.

I love my dog, he’s coming up two and really delightful 99.9% of the time.

But I would never have a puppy again.

All puppies are arseholes. They just are. They cute to prevent you chucking them out.

The main point of the puppy stage is to put all the effort in and get none of the reward until the dog is a well adjusted adult.

But It Does Get Better. (promise)