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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pay partner’s gym membership?

81 replies

Pegasus41 · 20/03/2023 08:34

I took my DP and his son to David Lloyd as guests the other day. He loved it and wanted me to add him as a linked member and said he would pay the difference. However it ended up being more than David Lloyd initially quoted due to a mistake. He then said he wanted to cancel his membership. But then I asked him to help me return some parcels — I’m a lone parent with two young kids - and he said he’d do all errands like this for me if I bought him one item of clothing per month. I said how about I just keep you on my David Lloyd membership? For context I currently have more disposable income than him. And as a lone parent (my kids’ Dad died) find it really hard to keep up with errands with work and my kids. But I regret getting into something transactional like this with him.

OP posts:
GoldDuster · 20/03/2023 11:43

OP you're a lone parent because your children's father died, and you've got a boyfriend who wants "paying" to go to the post office in a monthly item of clothing, but you've negotiated Gym Membership instead?

If you asked a female friend to pop to return a parcel for you and she asked for an item of clothing, or gym membership, how would that feel?

Or a family member?

It's not right, is it? You might have far more disposable income than him, that is not the point. He's having a right old laugh at your expense, literally.

Make this month's item of clothing a Tshirt with I'm A Grabby Cunt on the front and I'm Dumped printed on the back, and pay for someone else to help you in professional capacity. You might be able to find a cleaner that will help out with errands too. Far better than this joker.

Throwaway0323 · 20/03/2023 12:43

How many errands are you asking him to help with for him to expect a salary!! I suspect he's just being a cheeky fucker and taking advantage of you.

Bin him!

Schmutter · 20/03/2023 12:45

That is so weird. Not a relationship anyone would want.

The low bar on MN never ceases to surprise me.

Original poster
Pegasus41 · 20/03/2023 14:18

Thanks all. I think I offered the gym membership in the end because I feel bad that I can afford to access things that he can’t.

He does a lot for me completely of his own offering without asking for anything (before this), and it’s not that I’m asking for him to do loads of errands. I struggle to feel ok asking people to do things, I had to grow up being pretty self-sufficient, with a mother who resents helping, and I think that’s why I quickly joined in with the transactional element, though I then regretted it. As a kid my DP was poor to the point of starving and being in the care system as a kid (now he earns enough to afford a middle class lifestyle, though he’s currently in debt due to divorce solicitor fees), and so he’s still sometimes just openly opportunistic like he doesn’t know where his next meal is coming from, even though it’s not that way anymore. He will accept no as an answer, and he will gladly help me anyway, but I have to get better at saying what I feel, I think.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 07/01/2024 17:54

This guy is a user and you are his mark. Please wise up. He has a choice to exploit his partner or to take care of his own needs. He is choosing to exploit you. That is not because of his childhood. Its because if who he chooses to be.

mottytotty · 07/01/2024 17:56

Pegasus41 · 20/03/2023 14:18

Thanks all. I think I offered the gym membership in the end because I feel bad that I can afford to access things that he can’t.

He does a lot for me completely of his own offering without asking for anything (before this), and it’s not that I’m asking for him to do loads of errands. I struggle to feel ok asking people to do things, I had to grow up being pretty self-sufficient, with a mother who resents helping, and I think that’s why I quickly joined in with the transactional element, though I then regretted it. As a kid my DP was poor to the point of starving and being in the care system as a kid (now he earns enough to afford a middle class lifestyle, though he’s currently in debt due to divorce solicitor fees), and so he’s still sometimes just openly opportunistic like he doesn’t know where his next meal is coming from, even though it’s not that way anymore. He will accept no as an answer, and he will gladly help me anyway, but I have to get better at saying what I feel, I think.

But I bet you do as much for him as well.

Cancel his David Lloyd membership, tell him that you couldn’t afford it, and that he can always sign himself later if he wants to.

Next he’ll be telling you you’re mean not to add his son to the membership?

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