To not want to pay partner’s gym membership?

[Pegasus41]

I took my DP and his son to David Lloyd as guests the other day. He loved it and wanted me to add him as a linked member and said he would pay the difference. However it ended up being more than David Lloyd initially quoted due to a mistake. He then said he wanted to cancel his membership. But then I asked him to help me return some parcels — I’m a lone parent with two young kids - and he said he’d do all errands like this for me if I bought him one item of clothing per month. I said how about I just keep you on my David Lloyd membership? For context I currently have more disposable income than him. And as a lone parent (my kids’ Dad died) find it really hard to keep up with errands with work and my kids. But I regret getting into something transactional like this with him.

He is the greedy cocklodger type. Get rid.

Tell him to use his pocket money. He's sounds like he's 12!

I don't know what kind of behaviour this is but me and my vagina would want nothing to do with him.

He’s your odd job man.

Have you took the piss a bit? When you say that you earn more, is he actually struggling to cover petrol? Have you done him any favours?

Some of the things I read on here make me wonder if I live in some parallel universe. Why are you giving him the title of partner when you do not have a partnership? I cannot imagine any scenario where this is normal in a relationship. Bizarre

Er what.

That isn’t sexy.

He asked you to buy him clothes? Is he fifteen?

Go back to him and say actually on reflection this feels weirdly transactional, I’ll sort out my own parcel returns if you don’t wanna help.

You have got an employee wo gets benefits

I can't even believe this.

😂 give him once sock and tell him ‘Like Dobby, you too, are a free house elf’.

Hes a user get rid, surely if you are at a level where you have more disposable income than him you are an intelligent woman so move on and get someone better.

Why would he only pay the difference in the cost of membership? Surely you split it between the 3 of you anyway?

Well he sounds nice.

Can’t believe I just read that. That’s awful. Wtaf. I can’t believe you are even considering paying him. What the hell kind of relationship is that.

I'm unsure exactly what you're feeling uneasy about. Do you feel it's not a fair trade off or do you feel that the transaction makes it sound like a business deal? I suspect it's the latter.
Whilst initially it might feel weird I think most relationships are 'business arrangements' of a sort, so you give and you take. Have you treated him to clothing before? Maybe he just thought that was a nice thing for him and if you planned on continuing to treat him it made him want to do stuff for you. He clearly doesn't have spare money (and probably has a meagre wardrobe).
What good qualitities does he have? Is he a decent father to his child(ren)? Is he a compatible lover? Is he reliable, trustworthy etc
I don't necessarily think he's grabby or trying to take advantage (although he could be) but he's been quite blunt with his delivery. I dare say many of us have at times thought of their partner 'Ah, hes nipped to the shop to get me a bar of chocolate and then let me plonk my legs across his lap whilst we watch a TV programme I want. Hes even passed me a cushion and tucked my feet under the throw...oh I do appreciate him, lm gonna initiate sex.' That's a transaction of type, just we don't verbalise it. I think it's his bluntness rather than his suggestion you have issues with. That won't go away, that's his character.
You've offered the membership so I think you ought stand by that. See how it goes with the 'errands'. If it seems unfair or you're unhappy with what you're getting out of the relationship you're free to leave at anytime. If he feels you expect him to be your errand boy just because you have more than him, he too can leave. I wouldn't see this so much as a red flag but more of a stop pause and think button. Do the advantages of a open, honest man outway the disadvantages of a clumsy communicator? You said you were widowed. Maybe even ask yourself if your ready for anything more than dating. Sharing finances, home space etc is a big step.

• if you're a lot older than him, met him on holiday/on-line and he's love bombed you

I'd guess because it was something she was doing anyway and it would cost her no more and it was know he could not afford much. He couldn't even afford the difference.

But then I asked him to help me return some parcels — I’m a lone parent with two young kids - and he said he’d do all errands like this for me if I bought him one item of clothing per month.

Get rid of him asap.
He feels you owe him presents & memberships.
You hit the nail on the head with "transactional".

I can't believe a man who is pretending to be in a committed loving relationship wants payment for doing small favours.
This is a hidden resentment of your higher earning power manifesting itself OP.

Jesus wept, has Mumsnet opened the gates of the downtrodden women farm this weekend.....

You're raising children to set an example to.

I said how about I just keep you on my David Lloyd membership?

What I want to know is WHY you said that.

Do you have self-esteem issues OP?
btw as this is AIBU where goading & snark reign supreme, please be aware that the question is meant in a kindly spirit.

He has helped me loads before in a very giving way, not asking for anything in return

Yes, that's called being in a loving relationship

Ufghhh he sounds awful tbh. I'd be cancelling the membership and the relationship

Doesn't sound like someone who actually cares for you, but what he can get out of you. Time to revaluate this relationship.

Who the hell demands payment for helping out a partner? This one is not a keeper.

pegasus

I think you know this relationship is slipping away from you one way or another. raising 2 small kids by yourself , whilst working f/t is not easy and if you've lost your kids father as well the strain must be overwhelming. I don't see it necessarily as a self esteem issue but as a Mum overwhelmed and looking for a bit of help.

So if you have a bit of extra cash, work out which tasks you could outsource on a regular basis - for example an ironing service, cleaner, etc. Just knowing these things are taken care of would be helpful. In my area there are a couple of people who offer 'concierge' services - running errands, sitting in the house waiting for the plumber, that sort of thing. You pay by the hour.

As for the relationship, well I think it's on a slippery slope. Let's be charitable for a minute -Maybe he's feeling a bit narked at being asked to help out so much, but instead of saying 'Look love I can't keep running all these errands for you' he's asking for presents. Weird I grant you, but maybe he hasn't got the emotional intelligence to tackle the issue in an adult way.

Not the less charitable side - he sees a young widow with a bit of extra cash and he thinks he's made.

Either way it's not good as far as the relationship goes.

He is vile

This. Instead of a a gym membership, he can just jog on!