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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH didn't put my name on MIL mothers day card.

62 replies

GG1986 · 19/03/2023 18:31

Been with my OH for 14 years, 2 children and always got on with MIL, however he has put everyone's name on her card, apart from mine! I always include him on my parents cards for everything birthdays, mothers day etc, yet he usually leaves me off and I don't understand why, but it's actually upsetting. AIBU? Or should I just get over it and not give a f**k?

OP posts:
Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 19/03/2023 18:32

Because she isn't your dm?

MyMumsOnMN · 19/03/2023 18:33

Have you spoke to him? If he doesn't usually do it, I don't see how you can only be upset about it now.

AnOldCynic · 19/03/2023 18:34

But she's not your mother?

Don't understand why he put the kids names though.

Ktime · 19/03/2023 18:34

Stop putting his name on your card to your mum.

Take a step back and let him sort her birthday and Christmas presents.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 19/03/2023 18:34

For Mothers Day, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. In fact I wrote my mil's card and signed it from dh and the kids. I missed dh off the one I sent to my mum as well.

However if he does that for birthdays/christmas and any other cards I'd be cross about that.

WarrickDavisAsPlates · 19/03/2023 18:35

She's not your mother. I would think a birthday or Christmas card would obviously include you as its from the family but a mother's day card I wouldn't expect yo be included in.

I definitely haven't puts Dhs name in my mums card.

Ludo19 · 19/03/2023 18:35

Why do you put your husbands name on your card to your own mother on mother's day? That's weird....

His excluding your name on his own mother's card on mother's day isn't but it's weird to add the kids names imo.

MadMadMadamMim · 19/03/2023 18:35

I'd be bemused if DH signed the mothers day card to his Mum from us both.

She's not my mother. I've sent my Mum a card - and didn't add DHs name to it. She didn't raise him!

Sage396 · 19/03/2023 18:36

This seems normal for Mother's Day cards. We only sign from ourselves for those.

Birthday cards or other cards are different - those come from both of us.

DappledThings · 19/03/2023 18:36

My card to my mum was from me and DH's to his mum was from him. Would be weird for either of us to be included in the other.

Chowtime · 19/03/2023 18:36

She's not your mum.

She's your boyfriends mum.

MegaManic · 19/03/2023 18:36

For Mothers Day it makes sense, not sure why your kids names are on there.
For all other card of course you should be included, if not he is being a dick.

pigsDOfly · 19/03/2023 18:37

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 19/03/2023 18:34

For Mothers Day, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. In fact I wrote my mil's card and signed it from dh and the kids. I missed dh off the one I sent to my mum as well.

However if he does that for birthdays/christmas and any other cards I'd be cross about that.

Why are you writing in your MIL's card, sure that's your DH's job? And if he doesn't bother to send his DM a card that's his problem.

AliasGrape · 19/03/2023 18:38

Haha my DH does this for Mother’s Day/ Father’s Day cards too - to be fair he didn’t put DD’s name either. Though mostly because DD had made her a separate card.

MIL opened it and told him off for not putting my name!

It doesn’t really bother me, but it would if it was for birthdays or other types of cards, I do think for Mothers Day it’s fine to leave my name off - she’s not my mum and he just sort of logically thinks ‘the card says to mum’. We don’t have
the kind of relationship where I’d call her mum or think of her in that sort of role, though we get on fine.

ClaireStandishsLipstick · 19/03/2023 18:39

I only put my name on the card to my mother and when mil was alive DH just put his name. Neither of us put the children’s names. YABU

SarahAndQuack · 19/03/2023 18:40

I don't think there's a right or a wrong here - just family customs. Is the issue that you think your MIL will assume you don't like her/you feel your OH is excluding you for some reason? If so, I would just talk to him.

Or is it that this is the only card he writes to his family (and you do the other joint ones), and you feel as if he takes sole credit for this bit of family admin, whereas you share credit when it's family admin you do?

Oysterbabe · 19/03/2023 18:40

It would be weird to include it on mother's day but should be there otherwise.

OrigamiOwls · 19/03/2023 18:40

I think leaving your name off is fine for mother's Day, but would be weird for other events such as her birthday

Ikeatears · 19/03/2023 18:41

My MIL would be upset if I didn't put my name on her card. There's no right or wrong in this. The only thing I would say is that if it upsets you, there's no reason why your dh couldn't just put your name on it.
Mothers' Day, to me, celebrates 'mothering' in all forms. Mums, stepmums, mother in laws, grandmothers, godmothers...some of us don't have a mum in the traditional sense but have other women who help to fulfil that role. If you think of your mother in law in that way, put your name on the card

WhatHappenedToYoyos · 19/03/2023 18:42

I think you either name everyone in the household or you just put your own name when it comes to a Mother's or Father's Day card.

I'd be cross if my name was missed off. They're not your mother but you're just as much a part of the family you married in to and in my case, it is me who has had to go and buy the card and gift for MIL!

mum11970 · 19/03/2023 18:45

I add everyone’s name on cards, always have. Don’t know if it’s a generational thing on not. I’m in my 50s. Pretty sure dh always used to signed Father’s Day cards from us all. DH’s mum died before we met so never came up.

saraclara · 19/03/2023 18:55

I loved my MIL dearly, but I didn't expect my name on DH's card to her, nor did I put his on my card to my mum.

There's one day of the year that is all about the bond between the biological or adopted offspring and their mother. The card is an expression of a more intimate relationship than that between even the most affectionate DIL and MIL.

SarahAndQuack · 19/03/2023 18:58

saraclara · 19/03/2023 18:55

I loved my MIL dearly, but I didn't expect my name on DH's card to her, nor did I put his on my card to my mum.

There's one day of the year that is all about the bond between the biological or adopted offspring and their mother. The card is an expression of a more intimate relationship than that between even the most affectionate DIL and MIL.

But this is a personal take, isn't it? DP and I were both brought up with churchgoing mothers, so we've both been geared to understand Mothering Sunday as having to do with nurturing and the mother church. I always get a bit twitchy when Mother's Day is made out to be all about biology. I'm not my daughter's biological or adoptive mother: but I'm still her mother!

dementedpixie · 19/03/2023 19:00

I put everyone's names on the card to my mum so included dh and the 2 kids

Soontobemumof2x · 19/03/2023 19:01

I didn’t put my DP on mines … not his mum lol!