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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH didn't put my name on MIL mothers day card.

62 replies

GG1986 · 19/03/2023 18:31

Been with my OH for 14 years, 2 children and always got on with MIL, however he has put everyone's name on her card, apart from mine! I always include him on my parents cards for everything birthdays, mothers day etc, yet he usually leaves me off and I don't understand why, but it's actually upsetting. AIBU? Or should I just get over it and not give a f**k?

OP posts:
PlateBilledDuckyPerson · 19/03/2023 19:01

I have a very good relationship with my MIL but I don't sign her Mother's Day card. I think the cards are for mums or others who have mothered you, e.g. if brought up by an aunt or granny.

Hoppinggreen · 19/03/2023 19:03

One year I did put DH name on a Mothers Day card and DM asked why I had done it, she wasn’t pleased about it. She adored him

Kranke · 19/03/2023 19:05

Unless my husband was also my brother, I’d only write my own name.

Beelezebub · 19/03/2023 19:05

But….she’s not your mother? She is your husband’s mother, and your children’s grandmother.

LuckyDonna · 19/03/2023 19:08

We put both of our names, plus the dog.

ThisNameIsNotAvailable · 19/03/2023 19:10

She’s not your mum, I don’t put DHs name on my mums and when MIL was alive he didn’t put my name on.

Strange thing to get upset about

LyndaSnellsSniff · 19/03/2023 19:20

Would never cross my mind to sign MIL Mother's Day card from me.

This has reminded me of the year I forgot to sign MIL's birthday card. I'd remembered her birthday in plenty of time, bought the card, got everyone to sign it, addressed it, stamped it and posted it. But forgot to sign it myself.

Never heard the end of it. 🙄

gkhg · 19/03/2023 19:21

Buy her a card yourself. That's what I do for mil

User0610134057 · 19/03/2023 19:23

Very odd
wouldn’t occur to me to have spouse’s name on mother day or Father’s Day card, but same goes for kids really although I suppose she is the dc’a grandma

mistermagpie · 19/03/2023 19:23

I've got no idea what DH wrote in his mum's card and I couldn't care less either way. This is one of those things that I wouldn't give any headspace to to be honest. I doubt there is some sort of sinister meaning behind it.

June628 · 19/03/2023 19:24

I think Mother’s Day cards aren’t as straight forward as birthdays etc (although you do say he leaves you off those too). My DH asked if I wanted him to put my name on his mum’s card and I said yes but didn’t feel strongly about it either way. She isn’t my mum so actually not signing it is fine I think! That’s probably what your DH thought too! I really wouldn’t overthink this OP!

Anothernewname13 · 19/03/2023 19:25

I put my husband’s name on all my cards but I didn’t put him on my Mother’s Day one as it’s specifically from a child to their mum and he isn’t my mum’s child. I don’t put my child’s name on it either, he does a separate card for gran to her

Original poster
GG1986 · 19/03/2023 19:26

Thanks all 😆

OP posts:
Friedonyourfarmstonight · 19/03/2023 19:26

On mother's day only my name goes on the card.

Birthdays, Christmas, any other card occasion, all our names go on the card.

I think it is more personal, am occasion between me and my mother. I would put the DC's names on a mother's day card is they wanted me to as she is their mother's mother but she isn't my DH's mother or his grandmother. I am not insulting him or leaving him out. He has his own mother and he gives her a card and present.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 19/03/2023 19:27

Why are you writing in your MIL's card, sure that's your DH's job? And if he doesn't bother to send his DM a card that's his problem.

Because it took me all of 2 seconds to write in the card he bought and because he's really self conscious about his handwriting to the point he avoids it wherever possible. My handwriting on the other hand is excellent, formed by being forced to write with an italic nibbed fountain pen from 8 or so at school. Surely marriage is about playing to your strengths? His include cleaning bathrooms and mine include writing very prettily in cards. Suspect I've got the better bargain.

Galadali · 19/03/2023 19:28

I really hope the day never comes when I receive a Mother's Day card bought and signed by my DIL. A MD card from anyone but my own children means nothing tbh.

Artichokepiglet · 19/03/2023 19:34

Isn't it because she's not your mother (or grandmother, in your kids case)? I never put DH's name on my mum's card and wouldn't expect to be included on MILs.

burnoutbabe · 19/03/2023 19:40

My partner always includes my name in his cards -they are the "happy Mother's Day" card so I suppose yes I am also wishing her a nice day.

Mine to my parents are just me -of the "best dad ever" type )m(or Mickey taking) and I'd never include his name. He thinks that's weird.

Lancasterel · 19/03/2023 19:43

It has never crossed my mind to put my DH’s name on my card to my mum on Mother’s Day? Until now 😂

TamzinGrey · 19/03/2023 19:50

More than happy to have my name on cards to MIL for birthdays and Christmas, but NEVER for Mother's Day. For me that would feel like a betrayal of my own deceased mother.
She's his mother, not mine.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/03/2023 19:56

Surely marriage is about playing to your strengths? His include cleaning bathrooms and mine include writing very prettily in cards. Suspect I've got the better bargain.

This is quite possibly one of the most sensible comments I have ever seen on MN.

jellycakeandicecream · 19/03/2023 19:56

Kranke · 19/03/2023 19:05

Unless my husband was also my brother, I’d only write my own name.

It’s all the rage in Norfolk.

JudgeRudy · 19/03/2023 19:59

I think for Mothers Day gifts an cards should be from your offspring...not DILs/SILs (or fetuses and 1 year olds and your own OH). This would bother me. What would bother me is if I had bought(chosen, ordered, purchased, wrote, wrapped etc) the card/gift

bcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyza · 19/03/2023 20:06

We put both names on each mother day card for each of our mums. I don't understand the comments she's not your mum so no.

If we changed now my mil wild think something up as I married into his family and he married into mine. As annoying as my mil is (could do a whole post on things) she has our best intentions at heart and loves our son.

BloodyThursday · 19/03/2023 20:07

I've been with mine DP for 12 years. Neither of us put each others names on Mothers Day cards. It that a thing?