Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about not getting a Mother's Day card?

65 replies

HusbandKeepsSnoring · 19/03/2023 13:05

It's my first Mother's day as a mum. DH doesn't really see the point of cards, but he knows I like them. This morning I got nothing - no card, not even a cup of coffee in bed. We went out for a meal on Thursday (with his mum) and I enjoyed it and appreciated it, but I just really wanted something to make today, actual Mother's Day, special. A 29p card from Card Factory just to say 'you're an amazing mum to our daughter' would have made me happy. But I'm being made to feel bad because we had a meal with his family last week. Oh and he tidied the kitchen this morning (something I do every day).

AIBU to be a little bit sad?

OP posts:
HateLongCovid · 19/03/2023 13:10

No YANBU. Like you say, a 29 p card just as a token of gratitude was all that's needed. However he did tidy the kitchen and if he doesn't normally I'd try and focus on that. Some men think they can just buy a few flowers and chocolates and think that's that box ticked. In a way he's shown more effort by doing something that you would usually end up doing. Perhaps that is his love language! Flowers

ItstheZwartbles · 19/03/2023 13:12

YANBU. Tidying the kitchen is just what people who live in homes do. You won't be getting him a father's day card in June either will you?

Pangolin23 · 19/03/2023 13:13

I’ve never heard of husbands buying Mothers Day cards for their wives, is that a thing?

I’d have thought you couldn’t expect a card until your child was old enough to write it themselves!

chezpopbang · 19/03/2023 13:14

Like they say it's the thought that counts. Whether he believes in cards is not the point. You do and if he cared about you he would recognise that you would like a card and get you one. Not being unreasonable at all.

Emotionalstorm · 19/03/2023 13:14

I only appreciate gifts that are freely given of the giver's own accord. If I have to demand it or make it clear someone has to give it to me then it doesn't mean much to me.

Justcallmebebes · 19/03/2023 13:16

Pangolin23 · 19/03/2023 13:13

I’ve never heard of husbands buying Mothers Day cards for their wives, is that a thing?

I’d have thought you couldn’t expect a card until your child was old enough to write it themselves!

No, it's not that hard to understand, surely? A husband buys a card on behalf of his young kids. Don't leap to defend shitty behaviour

Monsterjam · 19/03/2023 13:19

This is probably the wrong forum for this. There seems to be a competition on who is happiest with the least this year.
1st Mother’s Day is a milestone it would have been lovely for him to mark, sorry it’s been a floP for you.
the day isn’t over, can you make the most of the afternoon and find something to do you’ll enjoy x

HelpMeGetThrough · 19/03/2023 13:25

I’ve never heard of husbands buying Mothers Day cards for their wives, is that a thing?

I've been doing it for 21 years. Threw it at the youngest (16) and told him to write in it. 21 year old at Uni probably doesn't even know it's Mother's Day.

DanceMonster · 19/03/2023 13:27

Pangolin23 · 19/03/2023 13:13

I’ve never heard of husbands buying Mothers Day cards for their wives, is that a thing?

I’d have thought you couldn’t expect a card until your child was old enough to write it themselves!

It’s a thing when the children are too young to buy them themselves.

Lizardonachair · 19/03/2023 13:33

YANBU I would be fuming and I wouldn't bother with Father's Day or his birthday my partner treated me like that. A small card or just a thoughtful cup of tea in bed is all that's needed it doesn't take much.
I think if he is the sort of person that feels tidying the kitchen is good enough as a "present" then you are expecting too much from him and he will do this every year.

mrsjoker35 · 19/03/2023 14:09

I too didn't receive anything from my partner. Our kids are 2 and 6. I feel pretty miserable about it, I got up and not even a "happy mothers day". Its so shitty. I know how you feel. I won't be making an ounce of effort like I usually would on fathers day. So tired of making days special not not get even a little of that effort returned. For what it's worth, Happy Mothers day, OP 💐x

DappledThings · 19/03/2023 14:24

DanceMonster · 19/03/2023 13:27

It’s a thing when the children are too young to buy them themselves.

Show quote history

Still seems weird to me when children are too young to have any awareness themselves. OP's child is a baby. When they are 2 or 3 and have some understanding of the day then it makes sense to help.them make/buy a card, maybe some flowers. Before then it's just odd.

DanceMonster · 19/03/2023 14:27

DappledThings · 19/03/2023 14:24

Still seems weird to me when children are too young to have any awareness themselves. OP's child is a baby. When they are 2 or 3 and have some understanding of the day then it makes sense to help.them make/buy a card, maybe some flowers. Before then it's just odd.

Show quote history

Each to their own I guess.

stinkfaceison · 19/03/2023 14:28

My first Mother's Day I got nothing. But he was pissed off when family/ friends asked what he had got me I told them the truth- nothing . People were shocked and surprised . He then thanked me for making him look like a shit . I told him I wasn't going to lie to save his face .

Skyeheather · 19/03/2023 14:33

stinkfaceison · 19/03/2023 14:28

My first Mother's Day I got nothing. But he was pissed off when family/ friends asked what he had got me I told them the truth- nothing . People were shocked and surprised . He then thanked me for making him look like a shit . I told him I wasn't going to lie to save his face .

Did he learn his lesson and get you something today?

BrioLover · 19/03/2023 14:35

YANBU. I also find the 'your child is a baby therefore husband doesn't do anything' attitude weird - surely it's normal for a DH to acknowledge the fact his wife grew and laboured his child, changing her body, hormones and entire life in the process? And then as the child grows he fosters the same care in the child for their mother... it's pretty basic IMO.

User678945 · 19/03/2023 14:37

Tell him you want a card next time! And get him one for father's day so he knows it's an expectation going forwards.

Also, when your little one starts nursery/school you will get handmade cards coming home which is lovely. Happy mothers day x

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 19/03/2023 14:49

DappledThings · 19/03/2023 14:24

Still seems weird to me when children are too young to have any awareness themselves. OP's child is a baby. When they are 2 or 3 and have some understanding of the day then it makes sense to help.them make/buy a card, maybe some flowers. Before then it's just odd.

Show quote history

Of course it's not odd.

Cathod · 19/03/2023 14:50

No card or meal out for me on my first mother's day. He did change the litter tray and take the bins out which he seems to think counts. He's gone out now so a tiny part of me thinks he will turn up with something later but I'm not counting on it!

BitOutOfPractice · 19/03/2023 14:53

Pangolin23 · 19/03/2023 13:13

I’ve never heard of husbands buying Mothers Day cards for their wives, is that a thing?

I’d have thought you couldn’t expect a card until your child was old enough to write it themselves!

Really? Are you sure? Or are you just being obtuse to make the op feel bad?

yanbu op. He’s a thoughtless lazy arsehole.

happy Mother’s Day to you from me anyway

Youvebeenseeingsos · 19/03/2023 14:53

Pangolin23 · 19/03/2023 13:13

I’ve never heard of husbands buying Mothers Day cards for their wives, is that a thing?

I’d have thought you couldn’t expect a card until your child was old enough to write it themselves!

Oh give over with this.

OP YANBU to be disappointed. I don’t expect gifts or flowers, a card and a hug is plenty. He knows it’s important to you so I’m not surprised you are upset by the lack of effort.

SBHon · 19/03/2023 15:01

However he did tidy the kitchen and if he doesn't normally I'd try and focus on that.
Kindly, you need to raise your bar @HateLongCovid. Doing a general household chore that she should be doing anyway just draws more attention to the fact that he usually doesn’t pull his weight. Don’t make the OP feel like she should be thankful for that.

Winebeckons · 19/03/2023 15:03

Having had a couple of really disappointing birthdays/Mother's Days where my tween son (I'm a single mum) made zero effort (before this my siblings stepped in), I adopted my older sister's advice which is to tell her husband exactly what she wants and then be delighted when he does it. Everyone has a different take on celebration days - some people view things like Mother's Day as a load of nonsense or it's just completely off their radar. Their view is just as valid as those of us who want to be made a bit of a fuss of but it's unfair to expect them to mind read that. If you don't say anything, they might think that you don't view the day as a big deal either when in fact you do. My (very happily married) sister's approach is to spell out to her husband EXACTLY what she want e.g. 'I want a big bunch of flowers (about £40 worth) sent to my work on my birthday to arrive in the morning so I can enjoy them all day'. Her husband then has no excuses and when he does what she's asked for, she delighted as it means he's done what she said would make her happy. I've done the same with my son - trained him up - so now when it's my birthday, I get a card, flowers and chocolates - or anything else if I've told him that's what I want. It's a total win win!

DESGUSTING · 19/03/2023 15:04

I'm a card person also op so I understand why your upset.

Sending you love

hiredandsqueak · 19/03/2023 15:07

Dd is a single parent, I've bought her a present and card from dgs each mother's day. Yesterday dgs who is three now wrote his name on her card and helped me wrap her gift. He is so excited that he has a gift for his mama that he will hand over when they come round later. I think it's poor when a dp or dh doesn't bother when the dc aren't able to facilitate it themselves. Exh still sends flowers from the kids each mother's day even though they are all grown up and buy their own now anyway.