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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No effort for Mothers Day

74 replies

OlivejuiceU2 · 19/03/2023 06:17

I should preface this by saying I am not expecting to be showered in gifts, a surprise spa day, meal out, or anything remotely like this. However instead I’ve had DH arguing with me for wanting to do Mothers Day.

Feel absolutely rubbish now this morning.

LO is 2 so not expecting anything from them.

I thought I might get a lie in and a cup of tea made. But nope.

now I’m up at 5:30 with the LO and made to feel bad for expecting anything.

OP posts:
donttellmehesalive · 19/03/2023 06:24

Do you make Father's Day special?

Did he do something for his own mum?

He does sound horrible.

JelloFishy · 19/03/2023 06:26

That is rubbish I am sorry you've been made to feel shit.

Have you got some crafty bits? Even just some paper and some pens? You could have an crafty morning and make a card together with your little one? Better than a shop brought card and you've made it together?

P.s Your DH is a dick. At least he's set the bar for father's day.

UdoU · 19/03/2023 06:31

I bet you also make more effort for him on Father’s Day, his birthday and Christmas etc.

I would just match his effort.

Okunevo · 19/03/2023 06:32

Why are you not expecting anything from your 2 year old? Do they go to no childcare or a playgroup where they would have made a card? I'd get some paper and pens and ask them to draw you something.

00100001 · 19/03/2023 06:32

Do fuck all for father's Day then

TidyDancer · 19/03/2023 06:37

What is his argument? What has been said between the two of you? Are you doing absolutely nothing today?

I can't understand these selfish men who won't at least help their small DCs make a card.

Although the usual MN response is that since you're not DH's mother then you shouldn't expect anything from him so prepare yourself that you might get those silly replies.

Yousee · 19/03/2023 06:38

Not only was fuck all effort made for me last Mother's Day, but to add salt to the wound I also ended up paying for my DHs ex's lovely Mother's Day gifts!
So not only did I not bother with Father's Day (why I know he noted, but didn't say anything) this year I also didn't check in with DSD about Mother's Day.
Let's see how the day pans out this year!
Sympathies, it's not alot to expect a lie in and a cup of tea made for you for a change, and if the person who's supposed to love you can't even stir himself to that level of effort it hurts.

itsgettingweird · 19/03/2023 06:40

You shouldn't be gettting a lie in because it's Mother's Day.

You should each be having a weekend day to lie in every week.

Ignore the day - it's just a commercialised Sunday and sort out the actual problems for the long term over the year.

ClaireStandishsLipstick · 19/03/2023 06:52

Some partners go all out when they have small children and make Mother’s Day special, others don’t.
It’s just another day make it nice for yourself and anything else that happens is a bonus.

sittingonacornflake · 19/03/2023 06:56

That's shit. On the plus side at least you can do bugger all for Father's Day now.

snitzelvoncrumb · 19/03/2023 06:57

It may not have crossed his mind. Honestly just do the same on Father’s Day. Dont acknowledge it in any way. See if it bothers him. If you really feel like being mean, take ds and visit your dad on Father’s Day

GoodChat · 19/03/2023 07:00

What's his justification for doing nothing?

Sceptre86 · 19/03/2023 07:01

It isn't your first mothers day, what was the last one like? Why are you letting him get away with shouting at you? Any reason he couldn't have gotten up with the toddler?

It sounds like you have bigger problems that him not wanting to do mother's day and have just focused on that. I'd look at the bigger picture and if you aren't happy with what you see, do something about it.

Original poster
OlivejuiceU2 · 19/03/2023 07:09

To answer some questions.

not huge fuss for Father’s Day but he did get a lie in, tea and biscuits in bed, card we made and time for himself later in the day. We don’t do gifts so like I say of not expecting much in return.

nursery did biscuits which I let my LO have earlier in the week.

he’s just come down to ‘apologise’ and reaffirm his argument and play the victim. I’ve asked him to give me some space so instead he’s decided to sit right near me in a mood. Lucky me.

OP posts:
donttellmehesalive · 19/03/2023 07:11

Has he done anything for his own mum?

Original poster
OlivejuiceU2 · 19/03/2023 07:11

Last Mothers Day we were on holiday so up and out for the day.

the comment about letting me him shout at me is assuming when people argue they shout, we do not. But it is a heat conversation and I am perfectly OK to stick up for myself.

I do appreciate though that I need to look at the bigger picture here, you’re very right about that.

OP posts:
RuthTopp · 19/03/2023 07:12

Mine's crap as well , no card . Zilch .

Okunevo · 19/03/2023 07:13

ClaireStandishsLipstick · 19/03/2023 06:52

Some partners go all out when they have small children and make Mother’s Day special, others don’t.
It’s just another day make it nice for yourself and anything else that happens is a bonus.

I agree, all families do things differently, neither is the right way. I would expect him to facilitate a young child to make a card if they haven't done this at nursery/childminder/playgroup. Personally, I see mother's day as being about the relationship between the child and their mother, so the father's job is to encourage/assist the child.

mrsbitaly · 19/03/2023 07:14

Yes it really doesn't cost anything to show you are appreciated for what you do as a mum. A cuppa tea in bed with a smile and say happy mothers day on behalf of your little one would have been lovely.

gogohmm · 19/03/2023 07:14

Get used to it, one of my DD's doesn't even acknowledge the fact it is Mother's Day, she's an adult (autistic and quite frankly very self centred, she can manage social niceties when it suits her) I got flowers from my other dd

jamsandwich1 · 19/03/2023 07:17

you’ve every right to be upset. Last Mother’s Day DH completely forgot, didn’t get even a card until I mentioned it at around 4pm and there was a dash to the shop. Didn’t get anything at all for my birthday this year as ‘he didn’t have time’. I was so upset and of course, it was my fault for being unreasonable and expecting something ‘like a child’ etc.
however, much to my surprise I’ve woken up to cards and gifts today.
I’m sorry you’ve had a rubbish one today but fingers crossed for next year xx

IScreamAtMichaelangelos · 19/03/2023 07:18

It's his attitude that is the problem, not the tangibles. He could have encouraged your 2yo to run in and hug you and say Happy Mothers Day mummy, love you lots - that would have cost nothing and taken seconds. Instead, he didn't bother. He doesn't sound kind, fundamentally. I'm sorry OP :(

Penguinsaregreat · 19/03/2023 07:23

On Father’s Day arrange to go out either with a friend or by yourself and leave him at home with your child. Don’t buy or make him anything. After all, it’s only another day. Same for his birthday and Christmas. Also make sure you don’t get lumbered buying his side of the family gifts and cards. You need to play hardball here.
My dh will make me coffee and breakfast in bed. He is not my children's father.
Their father behaved like your dh. Note he is my ex h.
You will get the usual martyrs on here telling you it doesn’t matter. Basically making excuses that you get treated like an unpaid cook, maid and childminder but sensible people know how much the small things really matter in any relationship.

amiold · 19/03/2023 07:25

Match his efforts on Father's Day. He's an arse.

EmmaDilemma5 · 19/03/2023 07:26

Of course it's shitty that he's not even woken with your child.

It's bigger than just mother's day. Does he ever wake with the child? Do you ever get to lie in like he does? YANBU.