No effort for Mothers Day

[OlivejuiceU2]

I should preface this by saying I am not expecting to be showered in gifts, a surprise spa day, meal out, or anything remotely like this. However instead I’ve had DH arguing with me for wanting to do Mothers Day.

Feel absolutely rubbish now this morning.

LO is 2 so not expecting anything from them.

I thought I might get a lie in and a cup of tea made. But nope.

now I’m up at 5:30 with the LO and made to feel bad for expecting anything.

I never understand why, if you know something is important to your partner and would make them happy, would you not want to do it?

I am up on my own, no lie-in but we have pets and adult kids 😂

Sorry OP, that sounds shit. I'm another one feeling underwhelmed. I was presented with some very sad looking flowers that look like they were past their best days ago, chocolates that DH knows I don't like (I'm really not fussy, there are plenty I do like that are easily available), oh and a card with a picture of a dog on it. I don't like dogs! Either he didn't think about what he was buying at all and just threw any old shite in the basket, or he left it so last minute there was nothing decent left. I would honestly prefer nothing to such obviously thoughtless presents.
I was momentarily heartened when he said he would be "cooking us a nice lunch" but it turns out this is pasta with a jarred sauce. Utterly baffling since he is actually an excellent cook and really enjoys cooking. He goes to more effort than that if he cooks on a weekday evening!

I think sometimes you have to lay out your expectations because he's not a mind reader.

Yes, he should've known that a lie in etc would be the done thing, but if I thought for one second that that wouldn't have been on my husbands radar, I'd have told him what I expected last night.

My mam died recently very suddenly and unexpectedly so this was always going to be a difficult day. I also lost my nana in may.

I always Made a fuss of both grandmothers from our children and bought thoughtful gifts or sent decent flowers to MIL aswell as spoiling my own lovely mam. Plus smears remembered great grandmothers.

DH usually a bit rubbish but will get something I've mentioned like a book I fancy along with flowers and wine off the kids.

This year I told him he had to buy his own gifts/card for his mother as it wasn't fair mr buying a Mother's Day card so soon after losing my mam. I reminded him since the beginning of March.

He ran out yesterday at 9:30am and bought a shit card and the most pathetic bunch of flowers for his mother, never thought to get his grandma a card...

Had one of the kids hand me a chatty bunch of flowers and a card they'd written in the car..,

I admit I did feel upset, I expected something a little more thoughtful from him as today is painful.

Had a chat last night and explained to him he's not about the material things but about the thought..those flowers given to me this morning with a coffee in bed after a lie in would've been lovely, but hastily given to me after I'd again reminded him to get his own mother a card just showed how last minute it all was and didn't make me feel appreciated.

Especially because he really used to put so much thought into different occasions!

Im currently planning his 40th and I've booked a holiday for the two of us and arranged 12 surprises for each month of his last year of his 30s... he knows nothing of this but I hope it actually makes him realise that it is nice to make the effort for those you are supposed to love.

Sending and op! Happy Mother's Day.

I'm a bit torn on this.
My DP has failed to do anything for mothers day this year (for me or his mum) only my second mother's day and currently 8 months pregnant. I'm a bit dissapointed he failed on the cards/choc front despite reminders... but then that is him generally with birthdays and occasions.

He did however let me have the lie in this morning and when I got up had done the washing, fed and bathed the boy and done some tidying. Nothing about this is special to mother days though.. and I suppose I'm grateful I have a partner who shares the load 365 days a year rather than makes a real fuss on one particular day.

still chocolates would have been nice right now.

I have DC aged 13 and 10, who both knew it was Mother's Day today. As did DH. (I know they know, because i have booked for all of us to go for a cream tea.) I've had nothing - not even anyone saying "Happy Mother's Day". I don't expect cards or flowers but to have no mention of it at all does sting a bit. So I get how OP is feeling. Happy Mother's Day from me to all of us 💐

OP my DH gets grumpy too when I tell him off and vice versa. The early years were difficult but now we communicate a lot better. Lots to adjust to.

Thanks we’ve actually been together 18 years. Hoping things do improve though. Will try to talk to him later.

Hope you cancel their attendance at the cream tea and just go yourself!

Please set your bar higher op.

Bike ride - errr no, you can either take me to lunch, go food shopping and cook me something or I go out on my own.

Who the hell are you to minimise the feelings of others?!

Since women hurt their own feelings over consumer bollocks.

I am very disappointed in my young adult daughter. She doesn't live here. Nothing . Not even a text. How hard can it be to send a card ? Money no object so flowers could have been nicer. It is the lack of thought and consideration that hurts. This from a girl raised with most occasions celebrated and has seen me put time and effort into thoughtful gifts for family . Feeling very sad at the neglect.

I sent a card to my mum first class on Tuesday and it hasn't arrived. She is annoyed but I did send one and in good time too. Maybe your card will arrive on Monday.

@Dacadactyl did you contact your DM today though?

Yes I rang her this morning at 10am. I only woke up at 9am because DH let me have a lie in, but I deliberately didn't call then because I knew she would be at Mass.

When I called at 10am I could tell she was annoyed.

DH is a loving and wonderful husband and Dad. We're not bothered about Mother's and Father's days generally. Little one made a card at nursery that had been on table a few days. That's it. Eldest DC actually asked me to get them breakfast in bed (I did) ! Nothing different in the day. Not sure I was wished Happy Mother's Day (definitely not by eldest 😆!).

@Dacadactyl that's different to @Soonenough's daughter who hasn't even sent a text

Fathers Day is Sunday 18th June. May I suggest you book the weekend away with a friend, mum, sister? Book well in advance and tell him well in advance so he doesn't claim the weekend for himself. He won't realise it's Fathers day until it's close. If he moans about being left with LO you can point out that LO is the reason he is a father and can enjoy the day with them.

My DH is lovely but doesn't give any thought to me on Mother's Day just his elderly mum. To be honest that's who we focused on this Mother's Day. Our girls rang me but I personally didn't want them spending money on yet another made up day! It's a means for companies to extract money from consumers.

To be fair, if your daughters are older there's no reason for your DH to do anything.

Always baffled by some of the bitchy comments on here. I don't go in for commercial days, BUT I feel generally underappreciated and go out of my way to make things nice for others, when I know that is something that they would like. In this house, kids are 10 and 13. I specifically said I didn't want gift(s) beyond what my daughter made at Guides, but that I would like a relaxing day. I do all the cooking bar Friday dinner and Sunday breakfast, every single week. I knew nothing had been booked in terms of restaurant. I write a menu/shopping list on a Wednesday evening and asked what was happening re food on Sunday, I was happy to buy ingredients. I got a vague response. So I planned and bought food I'd like to eat.

I woke up to a card from each child and some pretty expensive Lego flowers. I know that was my 10 year olds idea, but the answer should've been 'no, she doesn't want presents'. I'm not a Lego fan.

The one good bit of the day was that my 13 year old had bought little face masks and we did those (with her brother).

The rest of the day was then like any other, except that I had been told we were going for lunch, but as the day wore on, we were on a dog walk, clearly we weren't. Apparently in doing the face masks, we ran out of time. This was at no point communicated.

Dh went to mil, I asked if he would take the kids, at least I'd get some time to myself, he said they didn't want to go. So...they milled around, no one made me a tea and when it came to dinner DH appeared saying that he would do it if I talked him through it. FFS.

DD did tell him that all I wanted was not to have to cook. He even admitted that in the afternoon he had considered ordering take away for dinner, but didnt, as I was in a mood, so he didn't feel like it. I was sad, really sad. Not in a rage.

It could have been much worse. Of course it could. But it has spiralled me into sadness, because I'm already burnt out with my full time job being a shit show and being the default parent. Which he knows full well.

So OP, you have my sympathy. Because even when i make my needs clear, they aren't met. I could've booked a meal/ordered a takeaway myself. But that would frankly have added salt to the wound.

Hi op yes its one day to make somebody appreciated. Was disappointed here too she 17. Ran to shop at last minute! I told her its no excuse cards in shops for weeks. Teens is all about them I think. But I was hurt.

I did have a word with DD on Saturday about Mother's Day. We were going to the cinema and I asked if she wanted to bring her wallet to pick something up. She's a young 13 and I'm aware as per PP that's she's transitioning to having to take responsibility herself.
She forgot her wallet and I said on the way home that I was disappointed she hadn't planned better. She is a loving girl and I said I thought she would be disappointed tomorrow if she had done nothing.

I got breakfast in bed and she trotted off to Sainsburys. She couldn't find a Mother's Day card so got a thank you card and a little bunch of roses. I expressed delight and hope next year she'll plan ahead.

Most of us do a huge amount for our children it's not unreasonable to expect some appreciation for it.

I will say that I think my ex resented having to facilitate it when DD was little (we were still together then) and all these tales of scowling selfish husbands makes me very glad I am single because it really highlights how little they care about you.