No effort for Mothers Day

[OlivejuiceU2]

I should preface this by saying I am not expecting to be showered in gifts, a surprise spa day, meal out, or anything remotely like this. However instead I’ve had DH arguing with me for wanting to do Mothers Day.

Feel absolutely rubbish now this morning.

LO is 2 so not expecting anything from them.

I thought I might get a lie in and a cup of tea made. But nope.

now I’m up at 5:30 with the LO and made to feel bad for expecting anything.

Bless you. Happy Mothers Day.

Also why on earth is it the job of some random, unrelated and let’s face it female, person to make a fathers life easy. It’s the op’s husbands job to model kindness and thoughtfulness to his own child. Children learn from their parents. If their own father makes it clear that their mother is not that special then this is what will be instilled within their thought process. Mothers/women are less than.
Put a stop to it now.

OP my lovely DH also has a blind spot when it comes to mother's day (for me, he gets it right for his mother!).

Definitely underwhelming here and only get a card Because LO did one at nursery.

Might buy my own card next year, I'd set out your terms for next year, breakfast in bed is not asking for the world. For me, some chocolate is enough!

I don't know I think he should have at least woken up with the LO! Tbh my DH wouldn't have either ..he's got better through out the years but I've had to buy his mum a plant and he bought the card. He also asked if I wanted to do something on Sunday mid week and I said what's on Sunday ? So I forgot lol but he booked a place to eat. All huge steps. So it'll get better I hope! I would take myself off to a coffee shop or somewhere with a book and leave him to it today.

This this this!!!

I don't know many (being generous here, I don't know any) men that care for mothers day, but likewise, I don't know any that care for fathers day either.

A good partner should show you throughout the year, and not on a designated day!... although I'm pretty sure if all they needed to do was show it on one day to get them off the hook for the rest of the year, they'd be there with bells on!

I am sorry you have been through that but this comment is really unnecessary and unhelpful. Why should people not have expectations, just because others have it worse? If you pay for a crap meal, are you not allowed to be miffed because others are starving in the world? The OP’s feeling are valid. Don’t undermine them.

OP. You need to make it clear for next year. Your expectations are not excessive. Make this be the last year you are disappointed. Tell him what you expect for next year. And while you are at it ask him what he wants for Father’s Day. This way things are clear for the future. Happy Mother’s Day to you.

He's an arse for not even getting up with your little one and maybe making you a cup of tea in bed! Bloody hell, minimum effort but at least it would be something!
If he's still sitting next to you in a mood, tell him to sod off. ^
Have a virtual cup of tea and some flowers from me^

Firstly, I hope your child is ok. That goes without saying and if you need support, then make a thread and I’m sure you will get a lot of it.

But I really hate posts like this. OP shouldn’t have to be grateful for a husband who doesn’t care about her feelings and who doesn’t make a bit of an effort when it’s important to her just because her child hasn’t just nearly died! Ffs.

I don’t really care for Mother’s Day, although my children are older and always do/get something for me.

BUT, if something, anything, is important to me, my partner and children care enough to listen and do something about it. That’s the important thing, it does matter to OP so it should matter to her husband.

And with it being so little effort required, that he still couldn’t make, it shows him as the arsehole he is. No doubt he doesn’t care much for OPs feelings of what’s important to her any other day of the year either.

Maybe I just have very low standards but I don’t expect anything on Mothers Day/Woman’s Day/Valentines whatever.

I don’t know, I’m not the kinda of a person who bothers much about things like so I’m perfectly fine with nothing.

Of course if you manage to get me a flowers great, I will say thank you but if there’s nothing it with all honestly won’t bother me

Just to come on and say I am feeling somewhat underwhelmed as well this morning.

I got a coffee and a lie in - wonderful.

A handmade card from DC2. Lovely

My moonpig card from DC1 hasn't arrived yet. DC is annoyed and upset. Probably because DH ordered it too late.

DH and DC1 now going to a sport event thing that I didn't realise was happening

I would normally get a box of maltesers.

It just feels very flat

Sorry about your child, but in the nicest way possible, go away. It’s not ok to treat someone like shit because other people might have it worse.

Same here I didn't get anything - as expected. I'm sat here with my newborn while he rushed off to work lol. I will be matching his effort on Father's Day

Yes but this isn’t about you so it’s irrelevant. The OP expected more and is disappointed and sad.

Solidarity OP. My OH was up drinking til 2am so I've been up with the 3 year old since 6.30. Having a nice day so far (3 YO is in a good mood) but COME ON! Like get up and make me a brew at least FFS.

I agree with this.
Tell him you're disappointed without it becoming an argument. Tell him it's important to you.

Thanks everyone. Really appreciate the perspective I get from Mumsnet.

it’s really not about the day and fuss, more that I can’t say anything without his attitude or playing the victim. Problem we’ve had for a while and something I realise I need to tackle.

yes I’m disappointed. But had such a lovely morning with LO (they are in a good mood too). I just wanted a nice day and to feel a little appreciated which I’ve had from LO which it what is really important.

sorry to hear others are not feeling great too.

I mean, that’s a hell of alot more most women get. A nice card, hot drink and lie in, or did you want to get pandered the whole day?

Well after my morning, I know I'll be making zero effort on Father's Day!!

Communication is the key here op , yes it’s crap but you should have said your dh i want a lie in in the morning. Not get up and complain about it .
I’ve done the same when mine were little but I should have made dh get up .
i told him earlier on the week that I wasn’t hosting anyone I’m having a chilled day and a takeaway later . He is seeing his dm later and I will see mine .
it’s communicated what I want and it’s fine .
people assume and expect so that’s why people get upset just bloody speak to him .

Similar story here. A card that "hasn't arrived", no gift / flowers. Asked him what the plan is today, he said he thought he could take DS (who is 2) to the park and for lunch so I can have the house to myself. The house is an absolute pig sty. How hard is it to just plan a card and a little trip somewhere nice?!

Id take the hour to myself even if the place was a mess. Mine is now planning his escape in the form of a bike ride. God knows how long he’ll be. Although probably he goes then dealing with his mood.