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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is someone is very obese

103 replies

Janegoldberg · 18/03/2023 16:23

As in 23 stone and they shuffle when they walk, get breathe less, breathe heavy
wokld you want to be friends with them?

OP posts:
Lesvacances · 18/03/2023 17:14

Janegoldberg · 18/03/2023 17:02

Yes

Hope no-one has been judging you OP.

I judge people on their personality.
I had two colleagues who were very overweight.
One was the loveliest and most hardworking person ever and the other was a manipulative and nasty human.
If they'd both been slim they would still have had their individual personalities imo.

Cocobutt · 18/03/2023 17:14

Mojoj · 18/03/2023 17:02

I wouldn't no but I am very active with lots of interests around sport, exercise and being outside etc so can't imagine we would have much in common. Unpopular on MN but I'd also wonder what was going on in their life that they'd allowed themselves to get morbidly obese.

@Mojoj

Does that means you’d never be friends with someone who has a disability that affects their ability to exercise?

I think that’s so sad.

I enjoy exercise, being outdoors and going on long walks but I have other parts of my personality which allows me to be friends with a large range of people.

Rogue1001MNer · 18/03/2023 17:16

Has someone refused to be your friend on the basis of your weight @Janegoldberg ?

If so, is say you dodged a bullet there

CatOnTheChair · 18/03/2023 17:17

I've no idea if I'd want to be friends with them. Do we share interests? Do we have a similar sense of humor? Do we get on, and can we chat about everything and anything? Do we have similar attitudes and values/beliefs ? These are the things that would make me want to be friends with someone. I'm not fussed by their clothes size.

pointythings · 18/03/2023 17:19

Of course I would. I don't judge people by how they look but by who they are. On of my very best friends is large, she is one of the loveliest people I know.

JoeMaplin · 18/03/2023 17:19

Yes of course, why not? Im not 23 stone but have rheumatoid arthritis, so I can’t sadly hike up mountains either. I hope someone wouldn’t want to be friends with me because I have a chronic disease!

TequilaNights · 18/03/2023 17:20

I don't base my friendships on someone's physical attributes, so yes, but at least this post makes me understand why my friendship pool got a lot smaller after I'll health and weight gain.

Good riddance to them, I'm almost back to full health with true friends by my side.

Nameofthegamechanger · 18/03/2023 17:22

Yes because I'm not a massive cunt.

Fwiw, my husband is not far off that and was when we got together, I fancied him, loved him and married him. Weight hs never been a factor in my feelings towards anyone.

I've put on a fair bit of weight over the years, if anyone judged me for it they can get fucked tbh.

Hope you're OK OP

RampantIvy · 18/03/2023 17:23

I don't base my friendships on how much someone weighs. I would be friends with you if we had things in common @Janegoldberg

Cocobutt · 18/03/2023 17:24

Why do you think people wouldn’t OP?

Do you not have many friends?
How old are you?

WhereIsMyRefund · 18/03/2023 17:25

Course I would be friends. If we clicked in other ways.

Surely even those with a super-active lifestyle are capable of occasionally sitting down and chatting to a friend? Or do you go to Starbucks and do star jumps as you sip your black coffee?

5128gap · 18/03/2023 17:27

It wouldn't put me off being their friend, of course it wouldn't. It would just mean there was some things we wouldn't do together. The same as theres some things I dont do with my VI friend and some things people don't do with me for other reasons. If the criteria for friendship is physical capability there's a few who will be heading for a lonely old age.

Oysterbabe · 18/03/2023 17:28

I saw my friend who fits this description recently. We went to Flight Club and had lots of fun. Obese doesn't mean completely immobile as some here seem to assume!

Sugarfish · 18/03/2023 17:28

It wouldn’t put me off them, I have a good friend who is very overweight like you’ve described. We met at a conference a few years ago and hit it off. I’ll be honest and say her weight was the first thing I noticed about her but it didnt stop me talking to her and liking her. She’s more than her weight. With a big personality. Describes herself as a “big bossy bitch” she is bossy but has a heart of gold. I do worry about her though as I can see the weight is starting to impact her mobility. She’s just got herself a personal trainer and I’m trying to support her anyway I can as well.

DizzyLizzyKizzy · 18/03/2023 17:33

No problem with you, but I'd not want to be friends with the sort of shallow person who would ever think like that.

WaltzingWaters · 18/03/2023 17:34

Generally it wouldn’t bother me, no, provided they were a nice person of course.
I did once have a very large friend who would constantly say how jealous she was of my figure. I would eat healthy in general and exercise a lot. She would say all this stuff to me and then eat a LOT (think eating her lunch at work then also go to the cafe and buy sausage rolls and extra chocolate daily) and never exercised. She would decline offers to go for a walk, for a swim etc. It got tiring. So provided this isn’t the case, it wouldn’t bother me.

WeeOrcadian · 18/03/2023 17:51

familyissues12345 · 18/03/2023 16:56

Ouch!

How do you know OP isn't talking about herself?!

If she isn't, she (?) ought to stay well away from someone who judges her by her weight. Cos that's arsehole behaviour, either way.

StrawberryButtons · 18/03/2023 17:51

I have a friend like that.

WeeOrcadian · 18/03/2023 17:52

Janegoldberg · 18/03/2023 17:02

Yes

In which case, I recind part of MY OP. Stay well away from any prick that judges your friendship on your size. They're not worth it and you can do better.

OoooohMatron · 18/03/2023 17:52

Yes if I got on with them

WiddlinDiddlin · 18/03/2023 18:00

Weight has never been a factor in becoming friends with someone for me.

It may be a factor in how I meet that person, at well over that weight and in a wheelchair, the chances of me meeting someone rock climbing or hill walking are pretty much nil, though I do have friends who do such things.

Im interested in people who share some (not necessarily all) interests with me, who are funny, clever, kind, interesting.

I think my biggest deciding factor is liking animals - I am highly unlikely to become friends with or maintain a friendship with someone who dislikes animals or, finds it acceptable to treat animals poorly 'because they're animals'.

I haven't found being huge has ever affected my ability to make friends - sure there have been people I have met who have been arseholes in relation to my weight, which immediately means I wouldn't want to be their friend.

I have lots of friends, both close ones and the 'pop in and out of your life and pick up as if they'd never gone anywhere at all' kind. I can't recall a time, even when I was seriously depressed (and actually a lot smaller than I am now) where I was short of friends.

Murdoch1949 · 18/03/2023 18:05

Why on earth would you not want to be friends with them?

WaxingGibbon · 18/03/2023 18:17

I'll ask again, why the question op? Has something happened, are you ok?

Untitledsquatboulder · 18/03/2023 18:18

@Murdoch1949 because its usually a form of eating disorder which means that person comes with lots of other baggage and, if you really like them, you get a ringside seat as they eat themselves into the grave. I have one friend like this and its not easy to watch.

JamSandle · 18/03/2023 18:19

Untitledsquatboulder · 18/03/2023 18:18

@Murdoch1949 because its usually a form of eating disorder which means that person comes with lots of other baggage and, if you really like them, you get a ringside seat as they eat themselves into the grave. I have one friend like this and its not easy to watch.

This sounds really judgemental.