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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is someone is very obese

103 replies

Janegoldberg · 18/03/2023 16:23

As in 23 stone and they shuffle when they walk, get breathe less, breathe heavy
wokld you want to be friends with them?

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 18/03/2023 16:33

If someone is interesting to talk to I don't care what they look like frankly.

sonjadog · 18/03/2023 16:33

Yes, I have a good friend like this. She is great company.

PhoenixReincarnated · 18/03/2023 16:34

I have a friend like that. She's a lovely person and we spend our time chatting and catching up rather than walking.

name985 · 18/03/2023 16:35

@GettingThereCharleyBear Purely because it wouldn't fit with my lifestyle. The friends I have we spend a lot of time walking, or out doing things. Someone who struggled to move about wouldn't fit in with this. Obviously if I knew and liked someone that size we may end up friends.

But kindly fuck off with your sarcastic eye roll, people can have different opinions. Heaven forbid I give an honest answer and the Mumsnet Gestapo swoops in with condemnation.

HealthConcerns · 18/03/2023 16:35

I am friends with someone like that. Lovely person and I don't judge someone on their weight or appearance

Theunamedcat · 18/03/2023 16:36

She was lovely yes we were friends she also had a chronic illness and she died

Weight has no bearing on friendship

AskAwayAgain · 18/03/2023 16:37

Yes.
In terms of sporting activities, I do a wide range of activities with different friends. I go out meals with a friend who is a real foodie, and do other things with a friend who is not really bothered about food for example.

redmillhouse · 18/03/2023 16:40

Weight wouldn't put me off. I don't need to do physical activity with someone to be friends.
I 'm a more chat based friend though, rather than someone who likes to plan activities.

WaxingGibbon · 18/03/2023 16:40

One of my close friends is very obese. I don't know her exact weight - I've never asked - but I just googled 23 stone and she looks a bit like that yes. So yes, I would. Would you, op? Why are you asking?

Gincan · 18/03/2023 16:41

Yes. Unless they are also a dick head.

Ilovelurchers · 18/03/2023 16:42

Like others have said, of course, and I have a couple of friends who are quite heavy to the point that it does mean they walk more slowly etc. (No idea what they weigh - they haven't said).

Surely the only reasons not to be friends with such people would be:

  • if you ONLY wanted friends who could do strenuous physical activity with you to a fairly high level - you weren't interested in doing any other activities with friends

Or

  • if you pick your friends solely based on level of physical attractiveness, and you judge people like this to be too unattractive.

Or

  • you have decided you refuse to be friends with anybody with addiction issues, and would fear a person like that had an eating addiction.

Most people will not fit into any of those three categories I wouldn't think. Why do you ask OP? What is your experience?

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 18/03/2023 16:43

Well this is a nice thread. What’s up op? What are you getting at?

JamSandle · 18/03/2023 16:43

I do. Someone's weight would not even be something I'd consider in a friendship.

Eranzer · 18/03/2023 16:43

Weight isn't something I factor in when I'm being friendly. It wouldn't even occur to me to not be friends with someone because they're fat?!

GreekGod · 18/03/2023 16:47

I am not quite sure what this thread is about but yes, one of my best friend's is over 20 stone. She doesn't shuffle and I love being friends with her - we have great fun.

Turnipworkharder · 18/03/2023 16:48

depends if we get on personalities wise.

I'd never not be friends with someone due to their weight.

steff13 · 18/03/2023 16:50

I have weighed more than that before, and I've never had a lack of friends. Or boyfriends, for that matter. I've never shuffled when I walk or breathed heavily though unless I was exerting myself.

StaunchMomma · 18/03/2023 16:50

Fucking hell, OP!!

As if someone's WEIGHT affects their personality and ability to be a good friend!

That said, you're clearly a shit friend so I'd say that person deserves better.

pinkySilver · 18/03/2023 16:51

Yes. I have two very good friends like that. What does it matter? And all sorts of things happen to people over the years - they get fat, they get thin, they get ill, they get rich, they get poor. Either you're friends or you're not.

DaveyJonesLocker · 18/03/2023 16:52

I like to do more active things because I'm not very good at conversation . I'm autistic and I'm not particularly fit either tbh but I prefer a distraction. So I don't think we'd be compatible or enjoy eachothers Company. But I wouldn't not want to be friends with them, a friendship just wouldn't blossom I think.

Eranzer · 18/03/2023 16:52

StaunchMomma · 18/03/2023 16:50

Fucking hell, OP!!

As if someone's WEIGHT affects their personality and ability to be a good friend!

That said, you're clearly a shit friend so I'd say that person deserves better.

I thought the OP may be talking about herself or perhaps a conversation she's had with somebody and wanted to see what others thought too.

AnuSTart · 18/03/2023 16:53

That's my husband.
And every day I want to have fun with him, chat about interesting things, watch cool movies and shag him senseless.
I'm blessed.

As for friends, of course I'd be friends with someone who I like- regardless of their size. If they want to be my friend then I am bloody lucky to have them.

MintJulia · 18/03/2023 16:53

That wouldn't really be a deciding factor. Clearly that person is not going to be my Parkrun partner, but I have a pub quiz friend - on the heavy side, razor sharp wit, brilliantly fun. 😊

Different interests and circumstances, that's all.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 18/03/2023 16:54

Im guessing the OP is the one whose 23st and struggling with friendships?

Ive been that friend (actually 30st) and I had a couple of friends (I use that term loosely!)who clearly I was there to make them feel better about themselves and some who used me as a verbal punching bag because my self esteem was in the toilet but honestly the biggest barrier in friendships was actually my own thoughts of inadequacy and that I thought they would be mocking me behind my back so I struggled to let any one in and assumed no one would want to be seen with me.

Good friends love you for you, whatever you look like. If they don’t then they’re not good friends and you don’t need them x

WeeOrcadian · 18/03/2023 16:54

If someone is very judgy and bases their friend choices on a person's looks, would you be friends with them? Absolutely fucking not.

I'll be surprised if many people IRL like you OP