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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is someone is very obese

103 replies

Janegoldberg · 18/03/2023 16:23

As in 23 stone and they shuffle when they walk, get breathe less, breathe heavy
wokld you want to be friends with them?

OP posts:

mommatoone · 18/03/2023 16:54

I dont understand why you wouldnt want to be?.
Weight doesnt come into it.

SunshineAndMonsteras · 18/03/2023 16:55

Just want to add that you don't need to shuffle and be always breathless at that weight unless you have some related health issues causing that. If that's what's bigger problem than the weight itself for you, you can get bit fitter. I did when I weighted that so I managed without heavy breathing all the time. I had an epiphany moment on top of one stairs one time....

DogsDryWineAndCheese · 18/03/2023 16:55

StaunchMomma · 18/03/2023 16:50

Fucking hell, OP!!

As if someone's WEIGHT affects their personality and ability to be a good friend!

That said, you're clearly a shit friend so I'd say that person deserves better.

How do you know the OP isn’t talking about herself? Any excuse to be nasty, hey! 🙄

Yes, I’d be friends with anyone providing they weren’t a dickhead.

familyissues12345 · 18/03/2023 16:56

WeeOrcadian · 18/03/2023 16:54

If someone is very judgy and bases their friend choices on a person's looks, would you be friends with them? Absolutely fucking not.

I'll be surprised if many people IRL like you OP

Ouch!

How do you know OP isn't talking about herself?!

doritstew · 18/03/2023 16:56

Of course I would. Why wouldn't I? Would I be in a relationship with someone like that? No as I doubt I would be physically attracted to them. But friends, absolutely

IHeartGeneHunt · 18/03/2023 16:56

Yes, I've got friends that weight at work. I was 18 stone for a long time, I've always had plenty of friends!

bridgetreilly · 18/03/2023 16:56

No, I’m very picky about my friends’ BMI. They get a couple of pounds leeway in case it’s just wrong time of the month, but over that and I can’t bear to be around them anymore.

FFS.

DogsDryWineAndCheese · 18/03/2023 16:57

WeeOrcadian · 18/03/2023 16:54

If someone is very judgy and bases their friend choices on a person's looks, would you be friends with them? Absolutely fucking not.

I'll be surprised if many people IRL like you OP

Again, why is your instant reaction nastiness? How do you know OP isn’t speaking about herself? If your default is to look for the worst in a situation then I’d be surprised if many people in real life like you either!

Startingagainn · 18/03/2023 16:57

I had a flatmate like this and we remained friends after we moved out of our flat-share and she left the country. I don’t know her weight but I’d assume at least 23 stone if not more as she was also quite the tall. She told me that on a few occasions in her home country she’d had abuse hurled at her by randoms.

Even though I was like a size 8 at the time and went to the gym and walked loads it would have never occurred to me not to be friends with her. I find it odd if someone can only be friends with people who do physical activity with them. A walk in a park is nice but so is a coffee or lunch in a cafe!

Several years later she did end up being a bit jealous of me for some achievements so I ended the friendship but it had zero to do with her weight.

ToWhitToWhoo · 18/03/2023 16:58

Yes, just as I could be friends with a person who has any sort of health problem or disability. Depending, of course, on other things like whether our personalities 'gel' and whether we share any interests.

mommybear1 · 18/03/2023 17:01

Yes I have a friend like this she is amazing lovely lady.

TheGoogleMum · 18/03/2023 17:01

It wouldn't factor into deciding to be friends or not for me

Original poster

Janegoldberg · 18/03/2023 17:02

AndTheSurveySays · 18/03/2023 16:31

Are you the very fat person op?

Yes

OP posts:

LakeTiticaca · 18/03/2023 17:02

If you had a friend who was 8 stone , then over the years the friends weight crept up to 23 stone, would you still be friends?

Mojoj · 18/03/2023 17:02

I wouldn't no but I am very active with lots of interests around sport, exercise and being outside etc so can't imagine we would have much in common. Unpopular on MN but I'd also wonder what was going on in their life that they'd allowed themselves to get morbidly obese.

Tomkirkman · 18/03/2023 17:04

Someone’s weight wouldn’t bother me for friendship. But that doesn’t mean I would be friends with anyone just because they were over weight.

Overweight people can be dickheads too. Or can have personalities I don’t gel with, same as anyone not over weight.

I was a completely different person when I was over weight, so could also imagine some people who are friends with me now, wouldn’t have been then. But not because of the weight my. But because of my personality then. And probably some vice versa.

Lesvacances · 18/03/2023 17:06

StaunchMomma · 18/03/2023 16:50

Fucking hell, OP!!

As if someone's WEIGHT affects their personality and ability to be a good friend!

That said, you're clearly a shit friend so I'd say that person deserves better.

You're not very perceptive are you?

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 18/03/2023 17:07

So we’re all agreed then give or take a couple, we all want to be friends. Are you proposing lunch OP?

LuvSmallDogs · 18/03/2023 17:07

Yes, I should think so. Probably couldn't go for lots of long walks I suppose, but I like sitting round having cups of tea and a chat too. :)

adriftinadenofvipers · 18/03/2023 17:08

If I were 23 stone, shuffle when I walk, get breathless, breathe heavily and you used that to decide the basis of whether you would be friends with me, I wouldn't want to be friends with you.

I prefer friends who can spell though.

Cocobutt · 18/03/2023 17:09

I have a friend whose obese.
I also have a friend who is very underweight
I also have a friend who is in a wheelchair and cannot use her legs at all.
I also have a friend who is partially deaf.
I also have a friend who is a model.

I couldn’t care what people look like and if someone doesn’t want to be friends with you based on how you look, then you don’t want to be friends with someone like that anyway.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 18/03/2023 17:10

adriftinadenofvipers · 18/03/2023 17:08

If I were 23 stone, shuffle when I walk, get breathless, breathe heavily and you used that to decide the basis of whether you would be friends with me, I wouldn't want to be friends with you.

I prefer friends who can spell though.

God you sound like a dickhead. Fucking hell

LoisWilkersonslastnerve · 18/03/2023 17:10

Ooh the obtuse are out in force today! Yes op, I would be their friend op. Assuming we got on well.

Cocobutt · 18/03/2023 17:11

I prefer friends who can spell though.

I also have friends who are dyslexic, who don’t have English as their first language or do not have a good education.

Again this means nothing and it wouldn’t stop me from being friends with them.

You need to avoid people like the poster above who would judge you on your spelling without even knowing your background.

adriftinadenofvipers · 18/03/2023 17:13

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 18/03/2023 17:10

God you sound like a dickhead. Fucking hell

Show quote history

I'm not actually. I was making the comment in an attempt to point out how ridiculous it is to base friendships on things that make fuck all difference to your life. Ever hear of irony?

I took the post on face value. It's only been posted since I did that the thread is a reverse.

@Janegoldberg if anyone is basing their decision on whether to be friends with you on your weight or physical condition, then let them have a flying fuck at themselves, because they are not a worth friend for you x

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