Living somewhere you hate. AIBU to want to rent in London?

[Lissaaaaaa]

Moved here for husbands study. We’ve now lived here 5 years. He’s a Doctor so can work anywhere. He is a junior doctor and earns around 32k.
We have two children. I don’t work. childcare costs priced me out Of working.
We’ve lived in several different cities and towns and we are personally happiest in London. We also like Bristol and Bath.
We both agree this place is not for us. It’s deprived, rural, not good schools (unless willing to go private), I don’t drive and public transport is poor. I feel very trapped here as there’s no walking distance facilities.

To live in London we need my Husband to be on at least 70k to buy somewhere. We are therefore stuck here for a few more years until he completes GP training. Unless we rent.
Our eldest is 9. Youngest is a baby.

My husband thinks we should stay here until we can buy a property in London. He says if we move to London and rent we will struggle to find the money to buy. Bristol and Bath aren’t much better property price wise so might as well go for our first choice of London. We’re currently renting. Trying to save a deposit. Our rent here is £500 a month for a lovely two bed place.

I am pretty miserable here to be honest. I’m now wondering if we should move somewhere a bit better (at least with some facilities and good public transport) and buy somewhere cheaper while we try and save for London. I was looking at Liverpool and Manchester.

However my husband says that will be disturbing for our eldest changing schools at that stage of his education. He also says the hassle of buying a house, moving etc somewhere we have no intention to live is not worth it. We’d also not be chain free when we move to London.

I am struggling to live happily somewhere I know will never be home. Where I know I won’t be living. Where I can’t even go to the shop without a bus ( that’s always late and goes every hour). That has no facilities or after school clubs. That’s deprived. We made a mistake moving here and it feels now we’re here we’re stuck.

‘’sometimes I think we should just move to London and rent. In fact I am now sure we should move to London and rent. Even if it’s in a less nice area and small it is at least somewhere with transport, facilities and a vibe.
We know many people in London renting on our income. They get some top up from universal credit, rent somewhere smaller and further out then they need. Accept their income will be spent on rent.
AIBU to want to rent in London?

My husband has good earning potential. His income will go up every year plus he can do agency work to earn more, in 5 years he can be on 100k+ which I feel even with renting will allow us to buy somewhere.

He has a choice as to where he applies for each new rung on the ladder, and with each his pay will increase.

Were the children born while he was at medical school? On 32k he should only be two years out of medical school...

If you read the OP's replies, she says she has a disability and it's not safe for her to drive

FGS just learn to drive and maximise the places you can live ! Please don't be yet another woman on MN whose 'DH drives I don't ' it's so 1950s and absolutely restricts your options as it is now.

Every single time you look at a property or place to live you have to take 'is it on the public transport network' into consideration. Remove that and give yourself options. - not to mention make your life easier when the kids are in school/clubs etc.

As for renting in London on 32k supporting 4 . No chance. Stay where you are. Save , learn to drive and give yourself a gazillion more options .

She can't drive due to a medical condition

@Lissaaaaaa - live in London & I love it. But London is a big place as others have said. Some parts of London I would not choose to live in. I have lived in parts where I could not wait to move away . £500 per month isn't going to go far at all if at all.

I would wait for a wee while and get some more earnings under your belt & then reprioritise. If you do not like where you live then it may help to think it is somewhat temporary.

If you have school aged children that is something to think about ( well obviously when you choose an area ) Schools can vary in short distances .

Good luck to you

Surely if your husband is on a proper GP training contract then he is tied to a certain area until he finishes in a few years time?

After that would be the time to consider where you are going to settle.

With the high rent costs in London surely you'd be eligible for universal credit? Have you crunched the numbers on one of the benefits sites?

www.wellmedic.co.uk/what-is-a-gp-trainees-salary-the-complete-gp-trainee-salary-guide/

and his pay won't be 32k per annum unless he's only in his foundation year.

By year 3 out of medical school he should be on about 45k including allowances. Certainly over 40k. By year 5 this increases.

The children must have been born while their dad was a student unless they're babies. Was the op working or studying in their current location while her husband was student I wonder...

Anyway planning based on a 32k salary makes no sense because that's only for the foundation two years.

How do the op and her husband know they love London if they have lived where they grew up for the last five years while he was at medical school?

As they grew up there and studied there and stayed on after graduation when did they live in London?

Some of this doesn't really add up, as others have alluded to.
How is he so junior to be on a salary of 32k and have a 9 year old? Did he do medicine as a 2nd career? or else become a dad when he was very young?

As others have said, please future proof your own life/career by finding work yourself and not being so completely reliant on your husbands salary

@Lissaaaaaa have a look at Crawley? Not too far outside of London and it’s cheap for the southeast. Not fancy mind, but could give you a lot of what you’re looking for and allow you to move closer in to London later.

Would your entire income not go on rent there though?

You need to learn to drive OP. It will open up your whole world and it makes life so much easier when your kids are older and you have to ferry them everywhere. I'd rather bring my children up with more open spaces and countryside and have a car to get about.

@bellamountain she is medically unable to drive

Ealing or Harrow on a budget of maximum £2k per month for rent only??? No chance, unless the family is prepared to live in a house share or studio.

You won't be able to find anywhere small that you'd be able to survive as a family of four on in London. I suggest you get a spreadsheet out and do the maths. Rent, council tax, commuting costs, food, bills etc. It was hard for me on 30k over 15 years ago as a single person in London.

Yes move to Liverpool or Manchester - your mental health matters.

Don't move to London (yet). Rent costs far more than mortgage unless you're able to house share which with children would be out of the question.

My friend earns £35k as a single woman and is renting a single bed room in a house share.

I don't think you have looked properly at the London rental market to make comment like these. Most houses/flats (as opposed to rooms) now require you to pay 6-12 months rent upfront. Do you have that capital available?

@Mitchumforthewin that's actually bollocks because I moved to London on £19k as a single person in 2004 and bought a studio flat two years later on £25k.
But things are VERY different now. Also, the OP is supporting three other people. Impossible

I live in Bromley - SE London/Kent borders. My rent on a 2 bed flat was more than £500 over 20 years ago! Cheapest 2 bed flat on rightmove is £1400.

No way you can live on that salary in London with a family. We barely
managed on twice that income with no kids. Be patient, can’t see what the rush is. And don’t worry about changing schools too much

I think it's still going to be very difficult on £45 000, if that's what he will be on in the next couple of years. Subsidised housing will be your best bet and sounds ideal if he can get it. I don't think anyone would rent you a property big enough for your family on that salary in a decent part of London. My OH owns a 2.5 bedroom semi on the Surrey /Kent border , approx 35 min commute to London. The rental agency contacted him last week to say rents have gone up so much in the last year. Should he put it on the market now, they would advice to put it up by over £500 pounds a month to £2500. It's in a nice commuter town but not in the best part of town. To me it's ridiculously expensive. But it's comparable to similar rental properties in the same area and they go within hours, often unviewed, for over the asking price. Anyway, to rent it, the agency would require proof an income of 2.5-3x the rent. So if rent £2500 you need a salary of £75,000-£90,000. My friend is a gp, supports her OH and 3 children. They bought a tiny house last year, had to go a loooong way outside of London in Surrey. Not on a train route. She is a partner of her surgery now and still they are really struggling. The house is on a huge housing development estate, teeny tiny garden not big enough for a swingset. Good schools though. Definitely need a car.

I lived in Berkshire before Kent and I just had a quick look. You could rent a v small flat for £1250 in Windsor. Car would be preferable but you could get by without if within walking distance to centre. Short hop to Slough then fast train to London whenever you fancy it. Not sure about schools as we moved when our DC were tiny but I loved Windsor. Like a (very) mini London, a buzz in the air as lots of tourists. Pedestrianised, and nice, high street. Enough going on, art centre, nice coffee shops and lots of restaurants, baby groups etc. You've got the Thames and Eton on your door step. Good cycling routes and Windsor Great Park. It's all kept pretty clean and I think would be a great place to bring up kids. Lots to do. Downside I suppose would be it's directly under the heathrow fly path. I would have liked to have stayed there.

You want to move to London. I'm a Londoner. I get that!
You need to get a job. Unless you have a banker husband or some sort of inherited wealth, you can't life in London as a family of four without two incomes.
I went back to work both times at six months. So did everyone I know. It has advantages and disadvantages. The local state primary is great, we have a busy social life both with old friends and parent friends, medical care is fairly good and very accessible, there's lots to do... My commute is 10 mins on the central line, so don't waste a lot of time travelling and am able to pick up from school three days a week. On the other hand, our house is small, almost no garden, no savings other than a pension, and I missed a lot of the toddler milestones by being at work.

Did you work in between the having the 9 year old and the baby? Do you plan to go back when baby is a bit older? Your salary could
make a big difference especially if you do some training and research now as you might get a high paid too.

Where do your extended families live? Would you live near them if cheaper than London?

You could start by moving to a commutable town near London which is cheaper but I'd consider where your friends and family live as it's nice to have them nearby.

Do you know how much it would cost you to rent in London Op?
because honestly, in todays climate, I don’t see how you could manage on that income. I’m not talking about shopping at sainsburys and limiting to 1 holiday a year, I mean I don’t see how you could afford your bills on that.

I think you need to make the most of the £500/month current rent

If you move to London, add another £1000 on to the monthly rental bill and it will just about get you a 2 bed flat somewhere like for example Lewisham which is zone 2 with great transport links

But the huge issue will then be you'll have £1000 less disposable income compared with before, making it very difficult to save a significant amount each month

I understand you're not happy living where you are currently but I really don't think moving to rent in London right now is going to help the situation