Living somewhere you hate. AIBU to want to rent in London?

[Lissaaaaaa]

Moved here for husbands study. We’ve now lived here 5 years. He’s a Doctor so can work anywhere. He is a junior doctor and earns around 32k.
We have two children. I don’t work. childcare costs priced me out Of working.
We’ve lived in several different cities and towns and we are personally happiest in London. We also like Bristol and Bath.
We both agree this place is not for us. It’s deprived, rural, not good schools (unless willing to go private), I don’t drive and public transport is poor. I feel very trapped here as there’s no walking distance facilities.

To live in London we need my Husband to be on at least 70k to buy somewhere. We are therefore stuck here for a few more years until he completes GP training. Unless we rent.
Our eldest is 9. Youngest is a baby.

My husband thinks we should stay here until we can buy a property in London. He says if we move to London and rent we will struggle to find the money to buy. Bristol and Bath aren’t much better property price wise so might as well go for our first choice of London. We’re currently renting. Trying to save a deposit. Our rent here is £500 a month for a lovely two bed place.

I am pretty miserable here to be honest. I’m now wondering if we should move somewhere a bit better (at least with some facilities and good public transport) and buy somewhere cheaper while we try and save for London. I was looking at Liverpool and Manchester.

However my husband says that will be disturbing for our eldest changing schools at that stage of his education. He also says the hassle of buying a house, moving etc somewhere we have no intention to live is not worth it. We’d also not be chain free when we move to London.

I am struggling to live happily somewhere I know will never be home. Where I know I won’t be living. Where I can’t even go to the shop without a bus ( that’s always late and goes every hour). That has no facilities or after school clubs. That’s deprived. We made a mistake moving here and it feels now we’re here we’re stuck.

‘’sometimes I think we should just move to London and rent. In fact I am now sure we should move to London and rent. Even if it’s in a less nice area and small it is at least somewhere with transport, facilities and a vibe.
We know many people in London renting on our income. They get some top up from universal credit, rent somewhere smaller and further out then they need. Accept their income will be spent on rent.
AIBU to want to rent in London?

My husband has good earning potential. His income will go up every year plus he can do agency work to earn more, in 5 years he can be on 100k+ which I feel even with renting will allow us to buy somewhere.

I think you don't realise how fortunate you are.
Some of us up here are stuck forever in dumps that have been forgotten about and will never be able to move to anywhere nice as we are priced out. Public transport crap, schools likewise.
I say count yourself lucky to have a partner with such good earning potential and the opportunity to move at a later date.

If it was just the 2 of you I would say do it in a heartbeat. But then of it was just two of you your income would be much higher as I assume you would also be working.

Doctors are in demand so getting a job in London should be easy for him. Once your husband is better qualified and your children are older so you can work it might make more sense to move to London.

I know Liverpool a bit, and DS is currently considering buying there, so we have been looking at prices. It may be more expensive than it once was, but it is much cheaper than London. It's cheaper than Manchester, too.

Yes it’s a similar area. They won’t employ mothers with pre school children here even though they can’t admit it. Well some will but it’s an old fashioned area so it’s harder.
‘childcare means I’d be working for nothing though. We worked it out. So not worth me working at the moment

I've been through similar. And the hiring people have no shame. 😔 you're better off moving somewhere forward thinking. An area that's progressed. Just last week I was asked in an interview "who does school sick days? You or your husband?"

Its just so sad.

I visited a friend in London, where I lived for 25 years, the other day. She showed me that the flat she and I shared — a compact 2 bedroom flat in a dull, unattractive or glamorous spot in Zone 3 — was up for rent for £1,600 pm. And the area is still nothing to get excited about. There was a flat a few doors from that one on sale for £435k.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time of things, OP, but you need to stop fantasising, learn to drive and plan some kind of work or career for yourself for the future. Because if you really do want to live in London it'll take two incomes.

We recently rented a very ordinary house in London and had to prove an income of over £65k in order to pass the credit check. Places are in short supply and I was shocked that you had to bid over the advertised price to secure a property. This is in zone 3/4, not somewhere fancy in the centre. Fortunately it was just a short term thing for us, but the market is brutal and even harder if you're on benefits. Unless you are eligible for subsidied key worker accommodation I don't know how you would manage.

Don't junior doctors move all over the country to progress their training?

I grew up with a doctor parent and we moved at least six times "with daddy's job" while he climbed through all the necessary positions before he got a consultant job - wildly different parts of the UK hundreds of miles apart and two jobs overseas (which were presumably for the money not career progression, not sure whether they were two birds with one stone).

But no one will rent them a flat in the first place, it doesn't matter if they can get UC. There is enormous competition for flats, they'll go to people with higher salaries.

@Lissaaaaaa you say you'd live anywhere in London but discount Liverpool for high crime rates and poor schools... have you actually been to a lot of places in London?

We live in a three-bed semi in zone 3, both work (income approx 120k) and have one child. In London, we're no where near rich...

I'm sorry but the idea that there are regions where women couldn't possibly get a job with pre schoolers is laughable. You don't put in on the application form and it's not legal to ask you.

And I live in a very rural region which would be considered the arse end of nowhere to most. If you don't want or need to work or being at home makes most sense for your family, that's fine but to suggest it's the case for all women seeking employment based on geography is nonsense.

I've been you OP, I understand. Wait though, it will be worth it. Good luck!!

Absolutely.

Your post OP freaks me out a little as you keep speaking about we but essentially the burden is on your husband who is supporting 3 people on a small salary and who will have to work a lot of overtime and move frequenting order to really get the career growth you expect to come.

Even if it wipes out your salary, it makes no sense to not work and build a career of your own. It's the 21st century and relying on someone who isn't a millionaire to support you, in expensive cities, is very short sighted.
I earn 3x what your husband earns and my partner also. We have 3 kids. We wouldn't choose to live in London. Also the stress for him in supporting 3 of you with all the costs could take a toll on your relationship.

Don't move to London just yet; there is nowhere decent that you could rent for £500. You'd be looking at more like £1,500-2,500 for a decent flag, and even then it would guzzle almost all of your income.

Well unless you can get subsidised housing there ,I cant see how you could manage on 32 k TBH. Many cheaper areas are quite rough .My DP moved from London many years ago as they were fed up of crime ,commuting on a hot smelly tube and needing more space .What about somewhere in Kent maybe so you could get something more affordable and still go up for days ?

Affordable housing for key workers is intended for your family. Do look at housing attached to big teaching hospitals

Most professionals (not all) don’t live in London when they work here, they commute to London because it is way too expensive to actually live here. If you have a disability that makes you unable to drive (you should check as many disabilities just have restrictions and they can sometimes help) then why does your husband not drive instead?

Im in the complete opposite mindset.. I live in London, was born here and hate it.. you say crime rates are high in other parts of the country but London has one of the largest crime rates in the country! It would make so much more sense to commute here than live here if your husband worked here as his salary would bring home hardly anything. Also most drs here are not the only ones to work so when they are trying to afford the cost of living it’s taking it two incomes not just one.

Im trying to move out of London, but need to pass my driving test first (which we have a crazy backlog here too) but otherwise there are pros and cons to living here as opposed to living somewhere else and for me it has been too long and trapping here to want to raise my kids here.

You say your oldest is 9 - which school year is he in? Ideally you will have moved somewhere where you are happy to live in time to apply for secondary schools in the Sept/Oct of Y6. Once he starts secondary moving him will become harder and harder.

I find your comments about Liverpool and crime a bit 🙄
Surely any city has nicer areas and some less nice areas, is it really much more unsafe as a whole than lots of other cities? And the money you would spend to live in a not so nice area of London would probably go further to get a place in a nice area of another city.

Another thing I struggle to get my head around, sorry that Im unable to articulate it very well, but London is such a vast place right? I find it really non specific when people say they want to live there. If you could only afford a less desirable/high crime area miles from the centre, is that preferable for you because at least it’s “in London”? If your proximity to the capital is your main priority that’s totally valid, I just think you need to look a bit deeper into the reasons behind it and it will help you consider other areas as a compromise for the time being.

How about somewhere outside Bristol, nailsea, clevedon etc and learn to drive. You will stop feeling trapped then and it will but you timenuntil you can earn enough to move to London?

Is your husband only in his second year btw?

His salary should go up to around 40k fairly quickly surely?

How about a cheaper part of outer London for the next few years until earnings increase? Head South towards the Kent border, that could be within your budget, or is that also too depressing?

wont you have to consider where your DH is working primarily?

I also think you should learn to drive and buy a little run around so at least you're not so stuck while you wait to move.

arent you also well educated though op@Lissaaaaaa

what about Ealing or Harrow?