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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School coming to home to view sick child - Normal?

719 replies

CandlelightGlow · 16/03/2023 10:59

I'm feeling really sensitive right now due to work stress so please be kind.

My 5 year old is off with chicken pox right now. He got the spots on Sunday, he's been quite poorly with it Monday - Tuesday, very sleepy, then very uncomfortable Weds waiting for the scabs to form. He's just started to feel better today but the school have an INSET day tomorrow anyway.

We just had a knock at the door, and it was a teacher from DS's school! He was very reluctant to come downstairs because he's only in his pants and thought the teacher was there to take him to school. She was very nice and said it's sad that they have to do this in this day and age but it's completely normal and they do it for everyone who's been off this length of time.

He's been off for 4 days? His older sister is at school so we've still done the school run every day. To be fair as it's an inset day tomorrow it will be over a week by the time he goes back on Monday. But I've never had a teacher come unannounced to our house to check on our child. Can someone reassure me it is actually normal and they don't think something bad of us! My poor boy is just ill. I've called him in and updated, updated again this morning saying he would be back on Monday!

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 16/03/2023 13:23

Sorry quoted wrong post

toomuchlaundry · 16/03/2023 13:24

When I was a school governor I remember on school visits seeing staff going out soon after registers had been collated to check on pupils who hadn't arrived in school. See it as a positive that school are on it when it comes to safeguarding.

There was a girl in DS's Primary school who was forever being late in school, because her DM was in a drugged stupor and didn't get up in time to walk her to school An arrangement was then put in place that another specified parent would collect her on their way to school. Meant she got there in time and school didn't have to chase and invariably have to go and get her

Calmdown14 · 16/03/2023 13:25

Much as it may feel like it, this isn't a judgement on you.
The school may well have had another incident and so are particularly hot on this.

You could try looking at it the other way. While it's annoying, it's two minutes out of your day. If they do these checks for others it could stop a child being abused
Absence to allow bruises and other injuries to heal is unfortunately common.

I'd wonder if there is a reason the school are very on this at the moment (unconnected to you)

amberedover · 16/03/2023 13:26

there might be a reason why the school has this policy that none of us know about.
What would the reason be for not telling the parents at the school of the policy ?

starfishmummy · 16/03/2023 13:26

ChocSaltyBalls · 16/03/2023 12:10

Loving all the “complain” posts. About what? That they are trying to safeguard and protect children?

strikes me schools can’t win, whatever they do someone will think it’s wrong and moan about it.

So you would be happy about a complete stranger turning up at your door, with no prior notice, demanding to see your sick child?

That's not safe either!!

amberedover · 16/03/2023 13:28

The school may well have had another incident and so are particularly hot on this

but why not say something then when asking to see the child then ? Details of incident ,names don't have to be given .

Singularity82 · 16/03/2023 13:28

I’m horrified that this is school policy. Overstepping, intrusive and not necessary. As if teachers have time for this shit?!

TwoHedgehogs · 16/03/2023 13:29

TuesdayJulyNever · 16/03/2023 13:11

I mean this very gently, but you sound very stressed about this and I’m wondering if you’re ok. I know you have job stress going on as well but maybe there’s a little bit of anxiety at play too?

There’s nothing in your circumstances that should be a red flag, and I think a typical reaction would be to wonder if it’s a school policy/ an incident with another family that has put them on high alert. It’s a little bit unusual to be so focused on yourself in this way, and questioning what it is about you personally.

I get that your first question was to gauge if it’s normal. But that still shouldn’t necessarily lead you to assume that it’s about you personally.

The reason I’m picking up on this is that it’s similar to the way my thoughts run when I’m sliding into anxiety

Anxiety? She posted that she wasn't happy school called round out the blue to inspect her child who is off with chicken pox. If you read the majority of replied most people would not be pleased having to get a child up who is ill to "show" to the teacher. What has anxiety got to do with anything? I'm not anxious but would wonder why on earth school won't accept my explanation given when I phoned, it's like they don't believe you, this would get anyone's backs up.

Sallydimebar · 16/03/2023 13:30

Schools/college have attendance officers . Ours manage the phone line in mornings and presumably deal with lateness and anything else attendance related .
Different in primary a friend does it but moves around 4 schools , she doesn’t teach and is in contact with social services, police ect .

Quercus30 · 16/03/2023 13:31

Apologies. The " yes" was in response to someone asking if teachers were qualified in safeguarding.

Laauren · 16/03/2023 13:32

Just to add to this, (I've not read all replies but have seen school rang to explain) schools are currently under increasing government pressure about attendance. Lots of schools are having to make their attendance policies more firm and show that they are taking action.
The government seem to think this is needed after covid and the work from home culture. Unfortunately schools are having to monitor this without extra resources.

toomuchlaundry · 16/03/2023 13:33

Pupils being off on a Friday is very much a thing now

MajorCarolDanvers · 16/03/2023 13:34

I have never heard of this.

I would not have asked my sick child to come to the door.

Haven't teachers got enough to do?

Anonhopingforbaby · 16/03/2023 13:35

Your poor son, I'm sorry this happened to you.

Sounds like a nosey teacher, and a complaint should be made ASAP

Anonhopingforbaby · 16/03/2023 13:36

toomuchlaundry · 16/03/2023 13:33

Pupils being off on a Friday is very much a thing now

It's a Thursday.

And so what if their parents have taken them off on a long weekend? They're not the school's property.

Stemgenius · 16/03/2023 13:36

Haven't teachers got enough to do?

Well you'd think. That's what the unions keep banging on about :/

Dixiechickonhols · 16/03/2023 13:37

It’s obviously a well resourced primary school if they can pay a teacher to do 4 home visits and their travel expenses. Op spoke to the teacher when she called so not a class based teacher.

Sallydimebar · 16/03/2023 13:37

“Pupils being off on a Friday is very much a thing now”

Yes I read that with more parents working from home this was now becoming a thing .

Parkingt111 · 16/03/2023 13:37

Hi I have to read the full thread but ay my children's school they have a policy that on day four of an absence the education welfare teacher pays a visit. She is quite friendly and only there for a few minutes

starfishmummy · 16/03/2023 13:38

TheOrigRights · 16/03/2023 12:28

This is why the OP needs to find out the school policy. You'd look a bit of a dick if you raise it as a safeguarding concern and then they 'refer you to rule 4 of the school rules'.

Show quote history

Then I'd expect the school rules to provide me some information about who is carrying the visits out, how they will be done (prior warning or not) and also setting out how I can ensure that the person standing on my doorstep is genuinely from the school if I don't recognise them.

Parkingt111 · 16/03/2023 13:39

She just asks why the child is absent and just checks on them. Like yourself I was also taken aback the first time but when enquired I was told this was standard procedure

Saltywalruss · 16/03/2023 13:40

Stemgenius · 16/03/2023 13:00

Our school starts at 8.40am but children need to be sat and ready at 8.30. Otherwise we get a letter reminding us of lateness.

Hmmm so the school should really say that they start at 8.30!

SamPoodle123 · 16/03/2023 13:40

This has never happened to us and we have 3 kids. And my youngest came down with what we thought chicken pox twice in one year. So she missed one week (but only had total 6 spots), but a month later she got hundreds of spots so I knew that was for sure chicken pox and was not sure what the heck the other thing was (the spots scabbed over and looked the same both times). It was so odd.

No one ever checks, they just email saying they hope they feel better when they have been off.

JazbayGrapes · 16/03/2023 13:40

What if we don't open doors to strangers? What if the child is at home alone?

Jetwashingsquirrels · 16/03/2023 13:41

Probably just a school policy, we have the policy that if we haven't seen the child in school for 3 days then someone needs to pop round for a home check. It's just to make sure the kid is generally ok and the family doesn't need any help. I am at an SEND provision though so not sure if it's the same with mainstream. Definitely don't take it personally.