To pay DD's rent?

[Mastmw7g]

First of all, I'm in the Bay Area of the States. DD is graduating university and was expecting to come home. We've talked about moving for a long time, but now it's actually happening. I did make the offer for her to move with us, but she wants to stay.

I want to cosign a lease for her to rent a room and give her the rent money for that for a year. Does that sound reasonable? She won't have use of the family car anymore and she has some student loans to pay on. I worry that I'm not doing enough, and setting her up for failure.

Hi, no I don't think your setting her up for failure and what your doing is more then what other people in your financial state are doing. Giving them a year to get the job to be able to support them and also put into savings. I would however tell them that they need to put what they can into savings and not blow the money on things.

@chazabella So you think that's enough? She'll have to pay for utilities and food on her own and probably buy a car, all things she wouldn't have had to do if we didn't move. I feel so guilty for springing this on her only three months before she graduates.

It’s an expensive part of the US, but minimum wage average is over $15/hr, so she should be able to pick up enough of a job to cover utilities, etc. while she tries to get a career.

Is she likely to be able to get a decent job that will pay her enough to make rent within a year? There are a lot of lay offs at the moment. Could you help out for longer if she doesn’t?

Hi @Mastmw7g yes definately, what you're doing is reasonable 👍
Your DD won't have to worry about rent and can focus on paying her loans and saving for a car.

If you are going to pay her rent, do not give it to her in a lump sum up front.

There's always a possibility she could dip into it.

Pay the rent monthly!

@NumberTheory I have a friend who thinks she can get DD an internship at her company making $20 an hour. It would only be for the summer, but would give her experience. If she's offered a job after that it would be making $24 an hour. So that's not great, but she only has working with children part-time on her resume and the job would be a graphic designer. If she can't afford it after a year, I think I'll remind her of the offer to move and live with us.

Yes, definitely pay the rent, monthly rather than a lump sum. Be prepared to continue for a while longer, until your dd is really on her feet.

@Summer2424 Everyone is being so nice! I was feeling so guilty that she thought she had a home to go to where she wouldn't have to pay for groceries and utilities, and had use of a car.

@therearesomenastypeoplearound Do you think I should pay her rent directly to the person renting her a room, or give her the money so she gets used to paying the rental amount?

24/hr should be enough to get by if she's prepared to share with roommates. And that will be a starting salary so plenty of room for growth. If she gets the job I would encourage her to save as much of your "gift" rent as she can to help out in fallow times. It's not the same getting by without your family around but you're offering her a safety net just in case and so many people in the Bay Area come here in just that fashion and thrive.

I would pay her rent directly so she can t be tempted to dip into it when a bill crops up (I know how tempting it is from experience) making her pay the rest of the bills is the best option as it will encourage her to work hard and also knows how much life costs. I wish I had a parent who did this for me at her age. Life is hard but every struggle iv had I don't regret because it's made me work harder.

@Mummyoflittledragon I wanted to put an end date on it because DH's parents paid his rent after he graduated and didn't put an end date on it and he took advantage and was pickier about getting a job than he would have been otherwise.

I think it's more than enough and to be honest the only way you could set her up to fail is by continuing to payroll her in life. You are moving she wants to stay she gets a job and supports herself as most adults do

Personally I'd set up a monthly automatic transfer to the person who is renting out the room.

Don't pay it all up front in case your DD is unhappy there and wants to leave.

@NumberTheory Oh, you're so kind! I was a little ashamed to admit we were helping her get her first professional job through a friend. Someone might say we're not letting her be an adult.

She's definitely used to sharing housing! She lives with four other students right now. It will be a luxury to have her own room.

If anything you’re being too generous. She’s an adult, she needs to live in the real world where things cost money and you have to work for what you have. It’s kind of you to offer to pay rent for a year but not necessary. She already has options, she can either stay in the Bay Area and sort herself out with a job/apartment etc or she can move back to live with you. Also why are you arranging an internship for her? Your post makes her sound about 15 whereas she must actually be 22+? Let her stand on her own two feet and don’t organise everything for her. It won’t help her in the long run.

@therearesomenastypeoplearound That's a good tip.

Where in the Bay Area? My dd is at university at UCSC and my ds lives in Oakland and I'm paying rent/support for both. If you are paying rent (and covering health insurance), then your dd should totally be able to manage on a job paying $20 an hour and if she doesn't think it's enough (because she has expensive tastes), then she should get a second job. The car is the hard part...if she can manage without one, that would be better as cars are expensive to run and more importantly to insure. I would definitely plan on paying the rent directly if you are going to co-sign as if your dd messes it up, that goes on your credit record. Also don't forget about the cost of utilities and internet which can add several hundred dollars a month to the rent. Feel free to PM me if you need some more specific advice....

Yes, I get that the aim is for your dd to get a well paid job. It’s going to be more play it by ear I suppose. I’m imagining your dh could have gone back to his home town and stayed with his family until earning enough to move out. I’d say there’s a fundamental difference there to recognise.

My parents subsidized my New York City rent for several years after I graduated from undergraduate and was working full time. That didn't stop me from getting a full time job and my MBA full time at night at the same time. And going on to be completely financially independent after that. Only you know what best motivates your dd.

@SofiaAmes My DD is at UCSC, too! She's a AGPM major (Art and Design: Games & Playable Media).

We're on the peninsula in San Mateo. She would like to stay on the peninsula, but avoid Daly City, Half Moon Bay, and Pacifica.

She'll be covered by insurance!

was a little ashamed to admit we were helping her get her first professional job through a friend. Someone might say we're not letting her be an adult.

It's so tough out there starting out trying to earn enough to live. Please don't feel ashamed! Your helping your daughter get established, it is brilliant that you are able to help.

@Mummyoflittledragon His was a unique situation because his parents were in Germany. I guess this a unique situation, too. Who says three months before graduation "I know you were planning on moving home, but you can't stay here"?

my parents moved, during my university years, far away from where we had all previously been living. it was never really practical for me to live with them during the early years of my career when I was earning peanuts. My parents didn't tie their contribution to a specific thing like rent but they gave me a modest allowance which was enough to make ends meet while I needed it, and after a few years when I was well-paid enough to manage my outgoings solo I told them I was ok now and the allowance could stop.

My advice would be that ir would be better to offer a lower level of support over a longer term. paying the full rent is lovely but what happens after a year? what's the real probability that only a year after graduation she'll have employment that is well-paid enough for total independence? If you offer to pay 60% of her rent in year 1, 40% in year 2 and 20% in years 3&4 that gives her a more realistic chance of targeting her earning progression.

otherwise, if you subsidise more generously over a shorter time, she will probably have to significantly downgrade where she lives after the year is up, in order to rent what she can afford, and that will be miserable.

I know. It's hard not to do everything I can to help. I even was looking up listings for rooms and dh told me to stop and let her do that.