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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pay DD's rent?

57 replies

Mastmw7g · 16/03/2023 02:58

First of all, I'm in the Bay Area of the States. DD is graduating university and was expecting to come home. We've talked about moving for a long time, but now it's actually happening. I did make the offer for her to move with us, but she wants to stay.

I want to cosign a lease for her to rent a room and give her the rent money for that for a year. Does that sound reasonable? She won't have use of the family car anymore and she has some student loans to pay on. I worry that I'm not doing enough, and setting her up for failure.

OP posts:
SofiaAmes · 16/03/2023 17:23

I agree with your dh that if she wants to stay in SC and live with friends for awhile, that would be a great transition! My dd transferred to UCSC as a junior and already had 2 cats so couldn't really go into the dorms and didn't know anyone, so I've had a lot of experience helping her find housing (and roommates) in the Santa Cruz area. I came across more scams than any other area I've looked for housing in (and that includes Berkeley, Oakland, San Francisco, LA, NYC). And it's really really expensive. If she doesn't have a car, then she would need to be in the center of SC which is the most expensive because of the housing shortage, but if she does end up getting a car, then she could look in the mountains. My dd was in Scotts Valley and is now in Ben Lomond (in the middle of mudslides, power outages and flooding) and loves it. I don't think she will want to move when she graduates (if she ever graduates....). Tell her to sign up for NextDoor . com as it's a good place to look for guest houses and room rentals from locals.

Original poster
Mastmw7g · 16/03/2023 18:12

@SofiaAmes This is really great advice. Do you think it would cost more than $1,500 a month to stay in Santa Cruz? She has friends who have invited her to share housing with them, and she said it was really sweet and meant a lot to her that they wanted to live with her, but she's graduating.

OP posts:
SofiaAmes · 16/03/2023 19:15

$1500 a month for a room in a shared house is average for that area. If they are friends, then that's a great start. (But please PM me for advice on how to structure your guarantee of her rent...it's complicated and you don't want to be stuck holding the bill for everyone). Even if you weren't moving, I think it's a great experience to leave the home after University (assuming you can afford it). It's one thing to be off at University in the dorms, but it's not quite like real life. It's a good transition to live with other people (with help from your parents) as you are heading into the real world.

Original poster
Mastmw7g · 21/03/2023 01:00

@SofiaAmes Thank you so much! I sent you a PM.

OP posts:
Happyhappyday · 21/03/2023 01:49

Important to remember she is choosing to live where she is. It’s tough being an adult! She doesn’t have to stay in the Bay Area, it is a privilege to choose where you live. I think clearly stating the terms of the help you’re offering and offering to cover rent for a year is very fair to give her a chance to find her feet. My parents probably would’ve asked me to show them a realistic budget for how I’d pay utilities and food, transport on $15/hour or whatever I thought I’d earn.

if she has nannied before, nannies where we are start around $30 so she could look to combine that with a part time internship.

I think it’s hilarious @NumberTheory thinks $15/hour in the Bay is enough not to worry 😂. I live in a not quite as expensive west coast city and $15/hour would not get you far.

NumberTheory · 21/03/2023 02:58

Happyhappyday · 21/03/2023 01:49

Important to remember she is choosing to live where she is. It’s tough being an adult! She doesn’t have to stay in the Bay Area, it is a privilege to choose where you live. I think clearly stating the terms of the help you’re offering and offering to cover rent for a year is very fair to give her a chance to find her feet. My parents probably would’ve asked me to show them a realistic budget for how I’d pay utilities and food, transport on $15/hour or whatever I thought I’d earn.

if she has nannied before, nannies where we are start around $30 so she could look to combine that with a part time internship.

I think it’s hilarious @NumberTheory thinks $15/hour in the Bay is enough not to worry 😂. I live in a not quite as expensive west coast city and $15/hour would not get you far.

I think it's hilarious you try to call someone out with a comment that makes it clear you don't understand what you've read.

Emz6103 · 20/09/2023 15:09

Maybe you're settimg her up for a life she cannot sustain. How she gonna learn to budget if you make it easy for her?

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