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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

After school club "lost" my daugter.

59 replies

Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 09:45

My daugher (9) attends the after school club (ASC) which is run from the school by an external company. Her father picks her up any time between 4:30pm and 5:45 pm (closing time). I was in the bus coming home from work at around 5:50pm and I noticed I had several missed calls from ASC. My first thought was that maybe he forgot to pick her up and they were calling to ask where we were. So I call them back and a staff member asks me whether my daughter had been collected, what time and by whom. She said "that's just so I can update the register". I was taken aback and told her that I didn't know as I wasn't home yet but I assumed she had been collected by her dad as planned. Five minute later I get another call by a more senior staff asking me again to confirm my daughter had been collected. So I repeat that I don't know because I am not home yet but I could text my partner to ask him, but pretty sure he did collect her. I then receive a text from the same senior staff asking for my partner's phone number (which they already have on file) so they could check with him.
I thought maybe partner had somehow managed to collect daughter without notifying anyone (unlikely as you have to ring a bell and staff bring children to the door) but when I got home my partner and daughter both confirmed that a member of staff handed daughter over to him as usual.
The more I think about it, the more annoyed I get. I know the title of the thread is misleading because my daughter was safe at home the whole time but as far as ASC are concerned, they had no clue where she was so, really, they had "lost" her.
AIBU to think this was extremely unprofessional and the way they kept calling us is very bizarre?

OP posts:
Tempone · 15/03/2023 09:50

It sounds like terrible communication between staff. Really not acceptable. I work in an after school and that shouldn't happen. Surely before ringing a parent you secure all children and ask each number of staff who collected said child.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/03/2023 09:52

That sounds awful. What’s the point in a register if they’re not using it?

Aftjbtibg · 15/03/2023 09:56

I’m slightly confused why you didn’t call your partner to check or they didn’t already have his number to call.
It is worrying though and i wouldn’t be happy.

WinterMusings · 15/03/2023 09:57

It's unacceptable

  • someone handed her over & didn't record it properly.
  • Did they check who he was??
  • they didn't have DH's number as first contact

you need to make sure they look into it properly, not sweep it under the carpet.

Albiboba · 15/03/2023 09:59

AIBU to think this was extremely unprofessional and the way they kept calling us is very bizarre?

Why are you annoyed that they kept calling though? The only good thing about this is how early they realised the pick up wasn’t properly recorded and that they didn’t hide it and tried to deal with the problem straight away.
It would be a lot worse if they hadn’t rang you imo!

arethereanyleftatall · 15/03/2023 10:00

I'm disagreeing with the above posts - because they didn't actually lose her at all. She was handed over safely. They just thought they had due to miscommunication, and then started doing the right things to find her.
She hadn't been able to leave the building on her own.
I would leave this, they know they made a communication mistake and will be rectifying that.
As an aside, my sister in Norway, it's absolutely normal there for kids to walk home alone from about age 7.

DelphiniumBlue · 15/03/2023 10:01

What's so terrible? They kept phoning you to confirm that she had been collected, as there was an issue with their records.
Their system worked, in that it picked up a potential issue, and they didn't let it drop until they got the confirmation they needed. They were obviously unable to reach DH, maybe his number was down wrong, maybe he wasn't picking up, who knows, but they did the right thing in contacting you.
Why didn't you phone DH immediately to check? And how can you miss calls from your childcare provider?

MargotDeWitt · 15/03/2023 10:02

The second time they called you should have been able to reply that your daughter had been collected by her Dad, as you had called him to check.
Surely that would have been the first thing to do?

smellyflowers · 15/03/2023 10:02

Sorry no. They kept calling because they were shit scared they'd handed her over to someone in error. Would you rather they didn't contact you to try and work out where she was?

smellyflowers · 15/03/2023 10:03

Also why don't they have Dad's contact details?!

Lycanthropology · 15/03/2023 10:05

I don't think it was that bad; they didn't lose her.
Someone made a recording error, but on realising something was amiss they did their best to ensure everything was OK.

Original poster
Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 10:05

Aftjbtibg · 15/03/2023 09:56

I’m slightly confused why you didn’t call your partner to check or they didn’t already have his number to call.
It is worrying though and i wouldn’t be happy.

To be honest I wasn't worried. I did text my partner but he didn't reply right away, probably didn't have his phone on him so didn't hear the text.
They did have his number to call. Or at lkeast they should have because they make us fill a form at the start of each year with all contact numbers.

OP posts:
SpringIntoChaos · 15/03/2023 10:06

This is a non-issue...they did the right thing as soon as they realised their error! Be reassured by this...don't start a witch hunt!

Cleargreysky · 15/03/2023 10:06

arethereanyleftatall · 15/03/2023 10:00

I'm disagreeing with the above posts - because they didn't actually lose her at all. She was handed over safely. They just thought they had due to miscommunication, and then started doing the right things to find her.
She hadn't been able to leave the building on her own.
I would leave this, they know they made a communication mistake and will be rectifying that.
As an aside, my sister in Norway, it's absolutely normal there for kids to walk home alone from about age 7.

I agree with this.

And they did not lose your daughter. That is a catastrophic reframing of what happened. There was an administrative recording failure. They were phoning to check that it was just an admin error and that ended up confirming that it was.

Original poster
Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 10:08

Albiboba · 15/03/2023 09:59

AIBU to think this was extremely unprofessional and the way they kept calling us is very bizarre?

Why are you annoyed that they kept calling though? The only good thing about this is how early they realised the pick up wasn’t properly recorded and that they didn’t hide it and tried to deal with the problem straight away.
It would be a lot worse if they hadn’t rang you imo!

He collected her at 4:30 so they only realised after closing time at 5:45.
By that time surely if she had really been missing we, her parents, would have known.

OP posts:
Merlinsbeard83 · 15/03/2023 10:10

Really weird you didn't call your dh right away and who has several missed calls from your from the place looking after your child before you answer. They obviously needed to double check and you didn't seem to be in a hurry to help

ArdeteiMasazxu · 15/03/2023 10:11

the ASC were certainly crap for not recording the collection properly and for not contacting her dad the first time you told them he would have been the one.

but why on earth didn't you phone her dad yourself that very second? I wouldn't have left it a minute before verifying DC was safe.

The ASC were clearly more concerned about it than you, which is a bit odd.

but if they aren't trustworthy don't use them. if they can't be trusted it is wrong to put your dc at risk, not for any job commitments. complain to the school and to ofsted. or, trust that this was a one-off cockup and don't worry about it. which way you go depends on whether this is part of an ongoing pattern of sloppy attitude towards keeping the kids safe.

Lycanthropology · 15/03/2023 10:11

Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 10:08

He collected her at 4:30 so they only realised after closing time at 5:45.
By that time surely if she had really been missing we, her parents, would have known.

Show quote history

They made an administrative error and were doing what they had to be doubly sure everything was OK and double checked.
Would you prefer that, after checking the register at 5.45 and noticing a discrepancy, they did nothing and went home?

Original poster
Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 10:11

SpringIntoChaos · 15/03/2023 10:06

This is a non-issue...they did the right thing as soon as they realised their error! Be reassured by this...don't start a witch hunt!

Who is starting a witch hunt ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 10:14

Merlinsbeard83 · 15/03/2023 10:10

Really weird you didn't call your dh right away and who has several missed calls from your from the place looking after your child before you answer. They obviously needed to double check and you didn't seem to be in a hurry to help

I did text my partner right away after I spoke to them but he didn't reply right away and I got a text from ASC a minute later. I was 10 minutes away from home at that point.

OP posts:
smellyflowers · 15/03/2023 10:15

Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 10:05

To be honest I wasn't worried. I did text my partner but he didn't reply right away, probably didn't have his phone on him so didn't hear the text.
They did have his number to call. Or at lkeast they should have because they make us fill a form at the start of each year with all contact numbers.

Show quote history

Then I would ask them to note to call dad first

Original poster
Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 10:19

ArdeteiMasazxu · 15/03/2023 10:11

the ASC were certainly crap for not recording the collection properly and for not contacting her dad the first time you told them he would have been the one.

but why on earth didn't you phone her dad yourself that very second? I wouldn't have left it a minute before verifying DC was safe.

The ASC were clearly more concerned about it than you, which is a bit odd.

but if they aren't trustworthy don't use them. if they can't be trusted it is wrong to put your dc at risk, not for any job commitments. complain to the school and to ofsted. or, trust that this was a one-off cockup and don't worry about it. which way you go depends on whether this is part of an ongoing pattern of sloppy attitude towards keeping the kids safe.

I did text my partner right away but it is true that I wasn't concerned. My daughter is 9 and very sensible. She wouldn't never walk away from ASC on her own. She wouldn't never leave ASC with anyone else than myself or her father.
So I knew that if she wasn't at ASC, she was at home as planned.
But I am annoyed that they had to ask me where she was.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 15/03/2023 10:19

Well, it’s crap they didn’t fill in the register correctly but if it is a one-off, so what?

It’s also crap they called you as first contact not her father who regularly picks her up.

But it’s not crap of them to call repeatedly to check and check again that the child that was in their care is safe. They called you and you didn’t know. You still didn’t know when they called again. You seemed fairly unbothered by it! So of course they were acting properly to dog die and triple-check.

Original poster
Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 10:21

smellyflowers · 15/03/2023 10:03

Also why don't they have Dad's contact details?!

They do.

OP posts:
Albiboba · 15/03/2023 10:22

Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 10:08

He collected her at 4:30 so they only realised after closing time at 5:45.
By that time surely if she had really been missing we, her parents, would have known.

Show quote history

So you think if a child was actually “lost” the nursery should step back and assume the parents must already know by now so they don’t have any responsibility? You’re being ridiculous to be annoyed at them phoning you several times.

I also can’t imagine missing that many calls from a childcare provider and ‘not being worried’. Why would they repeatedly call if there wasn’t an issue?

It just seems so mental that you are annoyed at them for calling repeatedly when you wouldn’t answer.