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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

After school club "lost" my daugter.

59 replies

Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 09:45

My daugher (9) attends the after school club (ASC) which is run from the school by an external company. Her father picks her up any time between 4:30pm and 5:45 pm (closing time). I was in the bus coming home from work at around 5:50pm and I noticed I had several missed calls from ASC. My first thought was that maybe he forgot to pick her up and they were calling to ask where we were. So I call them back and a staff member asks me whether my daughter had been collected, what time and by whom. She said "that's just so I can update the register". I was taken aback and told her that I didn't know as I wasn't home yet but I assumed she had been collected by her dad as planned. Five minute later I get another call by a more senior staff asking me again to confirm my daughter had been collected. So I repeat that I don't know because I am not home yet but I could text my partner to ask him, but pretty sure he did collect her. I then receive a text from the same senior staff asking for my partner's phone number (which they already have on file) so they could check with him.
I thought maybe partner had somehow managed to collect daughter without notifying anyone (unlikely as you have to ring a bell and staff bring children to the door) but when I got home my partner and daughter both confirmed that a member of staff handed daughter over to him as usual.
The more I think about it, the more annoyed I get. I know the title of the thread is misleading because my daughter was safe at home the whole time but as far as ASC are concerned, they had no clue where she was so, really, they had "lost" her.
AIBU to think this was extremely unprofessional and the way they kept calling us is very bizarre?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 15/03/2023 10:23

So you weren’t bothered because your dd wouldn’t allow herself to be lost (ie wouldn’t walk out) but you’re bothered they thought they’d lost her. Someone made a mistake. No one lost your dd.

JuliesBicycle · 15/03/2023 10:25

I do not think this is a big deal. Someone handed her over and did not record it. The staff did not try and cover this up, instead they phoned to check she had indeed been collected. This is good safeguarding procedure. You do not take the word of a staff member who has not recorded what happened.

JuliesBicycle · 15/03/2023 10:29

And given your DH did not answer your call how do you know the ASC did not try and call him as well?

Original poster
Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 10:30

ArdeteiMasazxu · 15/03/2023 10:11

the ASC were certainly crap for not recording the collection properly and for not contacting her dad the first time you told them he would have been the one.

but why on earth didn't you phone her dad yourself that very second? I wouldn't have left it a minute before verifying DC was safe.

The ASC were clearly more concerned about it than you, which is a bit odd.

but if they aren't trustworthy don't use them. if they can't be trusted it is wrong to put your dc at risk, not for any job commitments. complain to the school and to ofsted. or, trust that this was a one-off cockup and don't worry about it. which way you go depends on whether this is part of an ongoing pattern of sloppy attitude towards keeping the kids safe.

They have got a bit sloppy in the last few months. Probably due to ongoing staffing issues. They used to record kids signing in or out right away (we have an app so my phone get an alert when she signs in or out). Since January they only sign kids out on the app after closing time. That's fine but this time it seems that by closing time they couldn't remember if she had been collected. So no, I am not happy about that. I am also not happy that they had to ask me for me partner's number when we are both listed as emergency contacts. What's the point of having the contact info if staff can't access it.
And again, I did contact my partner right away but he was home and didn't expect any emergency call (since he already had my daughter safe there) so didn't have his phone next to him and didn't reply immediately.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 10:32

JuliesBicycle · 15/03/2023 10:29

And given your DH did not answer your call how do you know the ASC did not try and call him as well?

Because they had to ask me for his number. Then they did call him.

OP posts:
ChildminderMum · 15/03/2023 10:33

I don't really see the big deal?

Nothing happened to your daughter.

There was a mistake filling in the register - maybe a member of staff went home sick suddenly or something - and they tried to rectify it quickly.

The only real issue seems to be that they didn't have your partner's phone number so I would double check they have all the right contact details.

Original poster
Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 10:35

Albiboba · 15/03/2023 10:22

So you think if a child was actually “lost” the nursery should step back and assume the parents must already know by now so they don’t have any responsibility? You’re being ridiculous to be annoyed at them phoning you several times.

I also can’t imagine missing that many calls from a childcare provider and ‘not being worried’. Why would they repeatedly call if there wasn’t an issue?

It just seems so mental that you are annoyed at them for calling repeatedly when you wouldn’t answer.

Show quote history

I am not annoyed at them for calling repeatedly. I just find it odd.
I am annoyed at the for not knowing where my daughter was or who collected her. I am also annoyed that they didn't seem to have access to the emergency contact form which has my partner's number on. My partner does all the pick ups, they never see me. So they should have conbtacted him. But they couldn't because the staff couldn't access the info.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 10:37

Anyway, like posters are saying here, my daughter was not lost and hopefully it was a one off. So although I am irritated I am not going to report them to the care inspectorate or anything. I am just venting on here.

OP posts:
ArdeteiMasazxu · 15/03/2023 10:38

My daughter is 9 and very sensible. She wouldn't never walk away from ASC on her own. She wouldn't never leave ASC with anyone else than myself or her father.

I don't understand this attitude.

of course, the vast majority of 9 year olds are sensible and 99% of the time will do the sensible thing and only go home with their parent. the procedures we have to keep children safe are for the unexpected and unpredictable. saying that you weren't concerned because you were trusting your 9 year old to have been sensible is the same mindset that blames the victim in those tragedies where a 9 year old (or sometimes older) does suffer some kind of horrific situation. even very sensible and level-headed 9 year olds should not ever be made responsible for their own safety in this way.

Original poster
Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 10:40

DelphiniumBlue · 15/03/2023 10:01

What's so terrible? They kept phoning you to confirm that she had been collected, as there was an issue with their records.
Their system worked, in that it picked up a potential issue, and they didn't let it drop until they got the confirmation they needed. They were obviously unable to reach DH, maybe his number was down wrong, maybe he wasn't picking up, who knows, but they did the right thing in contacting you.
Why didn't you phone DH immediately to check? And how can you miss calls from your childcare provider?

I don't know how I missed the calls. I was in the bus so maybe I didn't hear the phone in my bag. Anyway I did notice the calls within minutes so it's not like they had been calling me for hours.

OP posts:
JuliesBicycle · 15/03/2023 10:42

If you gave them your number on the updated sheet and it is still the right number, then you need to raise with them the correct recording of contact numbers.

I agree with you though about knowing your 9 year old would not wander away or go with anyone else. My DCs were the same and I could have trusted them never to go with anyone else or leave alone.

Original poster
Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 10:45

ArdeteiMasazxu · 15/03/2023 10:38

My daughter is 9 and very sensible. She wouldn't never walk away from ASC on her own. She wouldn't never leave ASC with anyone else than myself or her father.

I don't understand this attitude.

of course, the vast majority of 9 year olds are sensible and 99% of the time will do the sensible thing and only go home with their parent. the procedures we have to keep children safe are for the unexpected and unpredictable. saying that you weren't concerned because you were trusting your 9 year old to have been sensible is the same mindset that blames the victim in those tragedies where a 9 year old (or sometimes older) does suffer some kind of horrific situation. even very sensible and level-headed 9 year olds should not ever be made responsible for their own safety in this way.

ok so maybe I should have been concerned but honestly my first thought was that they had just forgotten to sign her out. So no I wasn't worried. Also because as it was almost 6pm, I knew my partner would have contacted me already if anything was amiss.
If I was contacted by the school during the school day to say they couldn't find my daughter I would go frantic. But that's a different situation.

OP posts:
Postapocalypticcowgirl · 15/03/2023 10:51

Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 10:30

They have got a bit sloppy in the last few months. Probably due to ongoing staffing issues. They used to record kids signing in or out right away (we have an app so my phone get an alert when she signs in or out). Since January they only sign kids out on the app after closing time. That's fine but this time it seems that by closing time they couldn't remember if she had been collected. So no, I am not happy about that. I am also not happy that they had to ask me for me partner's number when we are both listed as emergency contacts. What's the point of having the contact info if staff can't access it.
And again, I did contact my partner right away but he was home and didn't expect any emergency call (since he already had my daughter safe there) so didn't have his phone next to him and didn't reply immediately.

Show quote history

I agree it's concerning, and hopefully they will review their procedures now.

But ultimately you need to decide if you still feel she is safe at the club and find alternative childcare if not.

HazyDragon · 15/03/2023 10:54

I would have felt panicked if I received that call and would have called, not texted, my DH right away to check DC were safe.

ASC obviously forgot to check her off the register when DH picked her up and then couldn't remember her being collected. Not great, but easily done.

I would be annoyed because they caused me stress and worry, but you were never worried so I'd just write it off as one of those things.

Original poster
Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 10:55

HazyDragon · 15/03/2023 10:54

I would have felt panicked if I received that call and would have called, not texted, my DH right away to check DC were safe.

ASC obviously forgot to check her off the register when DH picked her up and then couldn't remember her being collected. Not great, but easily done.

I would be annoyed because they caused me stress and worry, but you were never worried so I'd just write it off as one of those things.

yes, I will do. Like as said, just venting on here.

OP posts:
HazyDragon · 15/03/2023 10:55

I would definitely pull them up on not having the emergency contacts to hand.

KrisAkabusi · 15/03/2023 10:57

You said your husband wasn't answering his phone. Are you certain they weren't asking you for his number to confirm they had the right one for him? Maybe they had been phoning, but after not getting a reply wanted to be sure.

Original poster
Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 10:59

KrisAkabusi · 15/03/2023 10:57

You said your husband wasn't answering his phone. Are you certain they weren't asking you for his number to confirm they had the right one for him? Maybe they had been phoning, but after not getting a reply wanted to be sure.

yes I am sure. He didn't have any missed calls. When they did eventually call him he answered.

OP posts:
StrawberrySquash · 15/03/2023 11:02

They realised that their process hadn't been recorded properly and set out to rectify it asap. And they had actually handed her over safety. Seems like it's the process to correct the error working. Although I don't know why they didn't also call Dad.

MrsR87 · 15/03/2023 11:09

Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 10:35

I am not annoyed at them for calling repeatedly. I just find it odd.
I am annoyed at the for not knowing where my daughter was or who collected her. I am also annoyed that they didn't seem to have access to the emergency contact form which has my partner's number on. My partner does all the pick ups, they never see me. So they should have conbtacted him. But they couldn't because the staff couldn't access the info.

Show quote history

There are two genuine issues by the provider here:

  1. The pick up wasn’t recorded properly. Although the proper procedures were probably followed for the handover itself, the lack of completed paperwork puts the members of staff Who remain at the end of the session in an awkward and potentially vulnerable positions
  2. They weren’t able to access all of the emergency numbers. This could have saved time and faffing - which in a real emergency of a lost child could make a big difference and those first couple of hours are very important.

However, I do find it odd how bothered you are by them calling you. I work in safeguarding and I can guarantee you that the person calling you would have felt sick to their stomach with worry! And yes, they should have been able to call dad directly but it probably wasn’t that member of staff’s fault that they couldn’t. Honestly, if I had had to make that call I would have been frustrated with the lack of cooperation. Yes, your daughter was probably fine and it probably was just a paperwork error (which of course it was) but there can be no maybes in safeguarding and the care providers have to act on the worst case scenario. I’d much rather my childcare provider alerted me immediately after noticing because like I said if she had been missing and you realised when you got home ten mins later, those ten mins can make a big difference.

The first two points though, you may wish to raise with the provider.

Talipesmum · 15/03/2023 11:11

You’re right to be annoyed.

They should have had your DH number since they’d asked for it previously, and said they’d call it straight away. Shouldn’t have been up to you to contact him - that’s their job.
Their amended procedures now enable a large time gap between the child leaving and them verifying the register record. It’s a gap in their safety systems and I think it’s worth highlighting to them.
Its reasonable you weren’t panicking as you’d have expected to hear from your DH if there’d been a problem - for your daughter to be actually missing, your daughter would have had to leave with someone else or unaccompanied in a manner unlike her AND your DH would have had to be unaware of this - two separate unlikely things.

Original poster
Nathalie1975 · 15/03/2023 11:19

MrsR87 · 15/03/2023 11:09

There are two genuine issues by the provider here:

  1. The pick up wasn’t recorded properly. Although the proper procedures were probably followed for the handover itself, the lack of completed paperwork puts the members of staff Who remain at the end of the session in an awkward and potentially vulnerable positions
  2. They weren’t able to access all of the emergency numbers. This could have saved time and faffing - which in a real emergency of a lost child could make a big difference and those first couple of hours are very important.

However, I do find it odd how bothered you are by them calling you. I work in safeguarding and I can guarantee you that the person calling you would have felt sick to their stomach with worry! And yes, they should have been able to call dad directly but it probably wasn’t that member of staff’s fault that they couldn’t. Honestly, if I had had to make that call I would have been frustrated with the lack of cooperation. Yes, your daughter was probably fine and it probably was just a paperwork error (which of course it was) but there can be no maybes in safeguarding and the care providers have to act on the worst case scenario. I’d much rather my childcare provider alerted me immediately after noticing because like I said if she had been missing and you realised when you got home ten mins later, those ten mins can make a big difference.

The first two points though, you may wish to raise with the provider.

Show quote history

I am not bothered they kept calling me I just found it odd. But I understand the points posters have made so yes IWBU to find it odd.

OP posts:
Lackersknackers · 15/03/2023 11:32

JuliesBicycle · 15/03/2023 10:29

And given your DH did not answer your call how do you know the ASC did not try and call him as well?

How many people on this thread haven’t bothered to read the opening post properly?!

Its all in the opening post that they have her partners number on file and that they rang her to ask for it again despite having it so she knew who and when they had contacted.

People on this thread are desperate to pick holes with the OP and make her the bad guy when she has come on to say ‘This feels a bit odd, should I be concerned?’ Just say no if you don’t agree she should be concerned, stop being desperate to make the OP out to be a terrible mother because she didn’t fly into a panic or find something to criticise her for. read the post properly and then advise on her question instead of trying to find fault with her.

This forum.

Hankunamatata · 15/03/2023 11:35

I'm guessing a member of staff didn't follow protocol. The asc were straight on it chasing it so it was picked up on quite quickly

WonderingWanda · 15/03/2023 11:36

I can beat this. My dc went home alone one day and they didn't ring me to check why they weren't in their classroom, just assumed I'd collected.