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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think teacher is trying to put DC off

81 replies

Boogiewoogieanddance · 15/03/2023 09:27

Not sure if we ABU as parents that don't want to see DD isn't excelling but this just doesn't sit right with me.

Kids are preparing for the transfer test. We aren't pushy but ours showed an interest in doing it. At parent teacher meeting teacher advised DD doesn't do it as she thinks it would be bad for her confidence as she is toward bottom of the class and to take the choice off her. We had this conversation with her and she got upset and really wanted to give it a go. That's fine, we'll support her and help where we can, if she wants to stop prepping at any time she can.

My issue is with the practice papers and how the teacher writes the score. She puts the child percentage and then beside it the class average and where the child placed in class. Eg 45% CA75% 27TH/27.

Surely this could be information sent to the parents to review rather than writing on the child's paper for them to take home? I just think if her main concern is DDs confidence plaster over the paper she is bottom of the class isn't great. She is our eldest though so not sure if this is the norm.

OP posts:

dietcokelime · 15/03/2023 09:41

To me it sounds much simpler for her to write it on the paper, rather than have to keep a record and privately communicate it to all of the parents? Definitely saves time.

Briallen · 15/03/2023 09:42

I don’t think she should put it on the paper for the child to see. It’s not necessary for the child to see how they ranked in their class at all

Original poster

Boogiewoogieanddance · 15/03/2023 09:48

But she's taking more time to do it? She had to mark all the papers and write their own mark which is fine. Then she sits and works out CA and orders the kids then goes through the papers again just to write that - so she has her own record anyway. If a parents asked it would only take 2 mins to send a quick message back or it can be communicated at the next parent teacher meeting which we would be happy with. I dont think it's really that relevant to honest, is she scores high enough to get into a school she wants then what does it matter about where she placed in the class.

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MancMamof1 · 15/03/2023 09:54

I do not think YABU about the ranking on the actual paper, my dd would have found that upsetting.
You cannot say that you do not want to risk them taking the paper in case it causes damage to their confidence if they do badly while also making it clear that the child is the bottom of the class and last out of all their peers.

Original poster

Boogiewoogieanddance · 15/03/2023 14:45

Think we will send an email to the teacher and ask what the merit is in her providing that information. I really can see none except for us to see it and pull DD out so she doesn't being the class average down

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Sirzy · 15/03/2023 14:49

I don’t think writing it on the paper like that was a kind thing to do.

but I think the teacher is right to be realistic about the situation. Would possibly scraping a pass but struggling to keep up really be a good thing?

WeCome1 · 15/03/2023 14:49

How old is she? I think that would make a difference. I googled a bit and it looks like she’d be 10-11? Maybe?

Haraebo · 15/03/2023 14:55

Our school also gives class average scores.

Aurorabored · 15/03/2023 15:00

I don’t understand why you want her to do the test when the teacher is telling you that she’s not capable of passing it.

PollyPut · 15/03/2023 15:01

Sorry - but what is the transfer test?

redskylight · 15/03/2023 15:04

I'm not sure how position in class is useful information at all. You could be bottom in a class of geniuses and still be more highly achieving than someone who was top of a mediocre class.

redskylight · 15/03/2023 15:05

PollyPut · 15/03/2023 15:01

Sorry - but what is the transfer test?

Northern Ireland version of 11+ for entry to grammar school.

Original poster

Boogiewoogieanddance · 15/03/2023 15:15

We do appreciate the teachers input and we did try to encourage her not to do but in all honestly she is a very quiet girl and finds it hard to be out spoken so when she turns around to us and says she wants to do then what do we say "we'll we aren't giving you a chance because your not smart enough". Surely that is just as bad for her confidence? That no one will even give her a chance. Until recently 99% of the time she would just go along with what we say.

We aren't hiding from the fact she will maybe find it tough, and aren't expecting her to be top but I think with effort and support then even if she sees her scores go up that will give her a boost rather than falling being even further by being excluded from the preparations. It isn't until November so there's loads of time to improve her score.

We have conversations about how everyone has different strengths not everyone is academic, some are sporty, some arty and all we ask of her is that she out the effort in and she works to the best of her own ability.

They have only done 3 practice papers so it's really early days.

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JudgeRudy · 15/03/2023 15:18

I'm unsure exactly what the transfer test is. Is this to establish if you're met the minimum standard to start the second year of a course (A levels)? Is your score dependent on how you compare to others that year? If so it's unlikely that she'll pass.
I'd say the teacher knows your daughters ability far better than you however you know her better and you've likely had lin depth conversations around this.
The teacher fears you're setting her up for a fall. I'd try to establish how likely she feels she is to pass. If she's just thanking, yeah I probably won't pass but I'd like a stab at it then let her but there needs to be a plan A and B. A is she won't pass (as expected), B is she does pass (just) and you need to plan for future study. This exam isn't the finale, it's the start of further hard graft. For her this will require frequent study outside of school to keep up. If she has a suitable plan I feel you should back her and give her autonomy.
Of course, it could be that the topic of vonvo with peers is this test. She knows shec wont pass but doesn't want to be the odd one out. If you suspect that's the case, give her an out 'Mum and teacher said I hadn't done enough work so...' or tell her to just sit it but not go overboard with prep/revision.
Oh re the grading system - I'm not sure you need a class position (unless maybe top 3) but class average....yes.

Aurorabored · 15/03/2023 15:21

’They have only done 3 practice papers so it's really early days’

I’d say the teacher already has a very good idea of which DC are definitely going to pass, which DC are definitely going to fall short and those that could go either way.

Original poster

Boogiewoogieanddance · 15/03/2023 15:21

Above was for @Sirzy @Aurorabored. If she finds it too tough she knows she can take a step back at any time

@WeCome1 her year is age 9-10

@Haraebo I don't really think the class average is a big issue cause there can be a massive range of scores and fingers crossed with work she will see herself getting close to it.

@redskylight that exactly what I think, if it came to it and she was an A student but bottom of the class what does where she is placed matter.

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thaegumathteth · 15/03/2023 15:23

I don't see the advantage in it and tbh our teachers have never placed children in order for parents (or children) to see. Until high school when they get put in sets that is.

We don't have transfer or 11+ here (Scotland) but I despise the very thought of them. Why do you think she wants to do it? Is it because her friends will be doing it and going to a different school from her?

What I would say is that even if she does 'pass' then is it a good idea for her to go on to a school where she will struggle?

thaegumathteth · 15/03/2023 15:24

Also, both my kids were very much middle of the road in primary. Both now excelling in secondary

Original poster

Boogiewoogieanddance · 15/03/2023 15:28

@JudgeRudy we have covered this in all the conversations, explained that she shouldn't do it just because some of her friends are doing it as its not a guarantee you will get into the same schools even if they got the grade needed because of other criteria.

They are only 9/10 years old, it's the test to get into high school. So they are all so little.

She is so adamant she want to prep and is enjoying it at the moment.

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Snoken · 15/03/2023 15:32

Boogiewoogieanddance · 15/03/2023 15:28

They are only 9/10 years old, it's the test to get into high school. So they are all so little.

She is so adamant she want to prep and is enjoying it at the moment.

I have never seen them place them in an order like that. Percentages I think is common practice, but not divulging who came last. I'm not in NI though so I don't know if that is common practice there. I wouldn't like that though so I can see where you are coming from.

Original poster

Boogiewoogieanddance · 15/03/2023 15:35

@thaegumathteth to be honest it probably is because a majority of people are doing it and it's all they are talking about at the moment. But she also love school and really enjoys learning. She's very good at doing her homework. Honestly her school is fantastic and I think they have very high standards so although she is low in her class I think if she went to another school they wouldn't have an issue with her doing it.

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Artisticpaint · 15/03/2023 15:38

Kids aren’t stupid, they know who the clever ones are and have a good idea of their ranking without needing it on a paper to take home.

Aurorabored · 15/03/2023 15:40

You’re right that as long as she’s only competing against herself it could be good for her. If she didn’t do the papers, what would she be doing instead? As long as it doesn’t mean she’s missing out on work that would be more beneficial to her eg going back over essentials that she hasn’t quite got her head around yet it isn’t likely to harm her.

smellyflowers · 15/03/2023 15:42

The class average will give her a good idea of if she'll pass or not. If she can't handle knowing where she sits then maybe yes its not the best idea for her to do the test. Personally I'd say you're getting some of the lowest scores in the class - these are your competition and see if she still wants to carry on. If she wants to apply but recognises her chances are slim then I don't see why she shouldn't

Original poster

Boogiewoogieanddance · 15/03/2023 15:42

I feel like this is getting off the point a bit though. We are happy with our decision as parents to support her if she wants to prepare for it. We are realistic about the situation.

What I am asking is if AIBU to think it's unkind and unnecessary to write where the children are ranked in the class on the front of a test paper in a year group of 9/10 year olds?

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