Ukraine refugee too reliant on me?

[Southerngirl99]

I’ve hosted a female in her 50’s from Ukraine for almost a year, she doesn’t speak English and hasn’t made much effort to learn, she relies on me to do everything for her, almost like a PA.

We’ve given her notice to leave soon and helped her onto local housing list etc etc.

the local council want her to attend a meeting and because they know I’m exhausted with it all after 10 months they’ve liaised directly with her for the first time to arrange meeting for tomorrow, they’ve told me not to attend and to get her to make her own way there, as when she lives independently from me she will have to do this anyway.

she’s very stressed about going to a new area of town on her own (she catches the bus everyday to work and back) and says she doesn’t know what to say and can I tell her what to say in the meeting.

so my dilemma

am I being unreasonable letting her manage for herself? Or should I be giving her a lift and waiting outside the venue so she feels less stressed?

I came to UK just before ny 18th birthday by myself, got myself NI numbers,found a GP etc

Ukraine isnt Gaza 70percent of the country is safe and life and business goes on as usual. I have family members from EU who travel to Ukraine as part if their work.0

That's nonsense. The local authorities are providing English sessions specifically those here under the Homes for Ukraine Scheme.

I think you unfortunately will just have to give notice and send her on her way even if she had to present as homeless and go into b and b. She will soon sort somewhere then!

So thankful my guest has more gumption about them!

Interesting read. We hosted a mother and son for months. She worked every hour she could, paper round, cleaning morning and evening and lunchtime , still on Universal credit, as she earned under the limit that stops UC.. She went back to Ukraine in the summer then a month later, her husband arrived. She said he could come out of the army because he had a spinal injury. Since he came he has dome lqbouring jobs and doesn’t appear to have an injury. His wife has since given up all her jobs and they live on UC apart from what he can earn odd jobbing. She obviously went back to Ukraine to leave money she had saved to bribe medics so he can leave Ukraine. I know I would probably want my husband to be out of the war but she is not working now and seems happy to live on Universal Credit.

Councils are very variable in the English lessons they are providing. My former guests have plenty of gumption but nothing the council provided was any use- we found a free course taught by students learning to be EFL teachers at a local university and they have had online lessons from a teacher in Ukraine, but they had to pay for that.

I can give you a positive story. I have a Ukrainian refugee who has been with me about 15 months. I was nervous about having someone as I have not shared living accommodation since I was a student and I’m quite reserved and am now in my late 50s. Fortunately my local authority had a Zoom session of those thinking about it and those who already hosted and one of them spoke of it being like having a lodger. This made realise that we would both need space. We usually cook and eat independently, but occasionally one of us will invite the other to eat - she’s trying out food her mother used to make.
She spoke reasonable English when she came, but there were times I realised I thought we had a discussion and she had just bluffed her way through, not understanding what was being said. She has however put a massive effort into learning English with the various courses on offer.
It’s lucky that in some ways our interests coincide. She joined a choir I am in. In other ways our interests and personalities are quite different.
There are of course times when I feel exasperated- particularly when she pops up late at night and asks me to review the wording of an application for a course (she’s wanting to do another masters), but I’m glad I followed through on my initial impulse to offer a room.
Tomorrow we’re going with one of her friends to paint Ukrainian Easter eggs in Cambridge.

Do they still live with you so don't pay for rent while is on universal credit?

Yes have a fab guest who has gone on to university here but stays with us over the breaks and who managed to get themselves remote job in their field within 3 weeks of arriving here and still does it alongside their studies.

Very good work ethic, English has improved considerably since arriving. I suspect because they have had to to keep up with studies. Happy we haven't experienced some of the horror stories we have heard too.