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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I let me daughter go, when the mum doesn’t communicate with me?

84 replies

Ijustdontknowwhattodo1018 · 14/03/2023 19:11

My daughter had a message from her friend inviting her on an Easter workshop. She’ll be gone for around 3 hours and it’s about a 45 minute drive away.

All communication is from the daughter as the Mum just won’t communicate with me. She has to be fairly pleasant when I purposely speak to her to try and break the ice but it’s very clear, she doesn’t like me.

She likes a drink and a good time, I don’t think she’s an alcoholic and I would hope she wouldn’t drink and drive but I’ve never been able to get to know her well enough to find out what she’s really like, morals etc. I am uncomfortable putting her in a car with an adult who can’t show any basic respectful communication, am I being unreasonable not letting my daughter go?

OP posts:
Knitterofcrap · 14/03/2023 19:55

How old is DD - crucial.

How do you know so much about this woman’s social life if she doesn’t speak to you? Is it just gossip?

It might just be the way you worded it but it sounds like you look down on her?

Trader22 · 14/03/2023 19:57

If your DD really wants to go but you don't feel comfortable with the parent side of things - is it possible to make an excuse and say you're going to be near the location where the workshop is (e.g is there a shopping centre you could say you're going to) so you will drop your DD off at the workshop location?

I'm assuming your DD is under 10yrs?

fairypeasant · 14/03/2023 19:59

Are you mum or dad? If there's another parent, is the mum happier talking to them? Why doesn't she like you?

Morals? So weird.

There's more to this.

Clioma · 14/03/2023 20:04

You'd hate me OP. I'm sitting here with a glass of red and it's my second glass of the evening. However I can tell you hand on heart that I have never got into a car and driven having had even one drink. If I'm driving I don't drink alcohol at all.

Yet you choose to judge this woman. Perhaps she senses that and that's why she prefers not to communicate with you.

The age of your daughter is crucial. It makes a massive difference if she's 5 or 15.

Manybeards · 14/03/2023 20:07

DizzyLizzyKizzy · 14/03/2023 19:54

Wtf?

Show quote history

Clearly sarcasm

Myusername4321 · 14/03/2023 20:10

How did you go from a parent daring to have a social life to possibly drink driving to an Easter event with kids!
Also you don't need to deep dive into the womens life it's a few hours.

OhcantthInkofaname · 14/03/2023 20:14

Unless you tell us how old your daughter is we can't answer. How can we make an informed decision?

WandaWonder · 14/03/2023 20:17

Maybe she would find out she doesn't like your morals?

BadNomad · 14/03/2023 20:17

But aren't you worried she might find out how judgemental you are and stop her daughter being friends with yours?

If you're really concerned, arrange to drop your daughter off at the event yourself then collect her again after.

Butchyrestingface · 14/03/2023 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Offspring of a Degenerate has a velllly nice ring to it for a new username.*

*Anyone else snaffle that first and I'll batter ye.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 14/03/2023 20:23

I'm worried that your go to assumption is that she drinks and drives based on the fact (you've heard? Witnessed?) that she drinks alcohol.

Uurrjb · 14/03/2023 20:27

If the daughter is 3 then parents communicate
if she’s 13 I’m guessing from experience there’s a quick chat at drop off, not texts back and forth

NancyJoan · 14/03/2023 20:30

Take her yourself, or offer to drive them, if you don’t feel at ease with it.

TomatoSandwiches · 14/03/2023 20:36

Butchyrestingface · 14/03/2023 20:20

Offspring of a Degenerate has a velllly nice ring to it for a new username.*

*Anyone else snaffle that first and I'll batter ye.

Show quote history

😁it's yours, I won't fight you for it, promise.

Cocobutt · 14/03/2023 20:58

How old is your DD?

If she’s like 5 then there’s no way I’d be letting her go but if she’s like 15 then I think it’s fine.

If she is older why not just ask the girl for her mums number and text her thanking her and if there’s anything your DD needs to bring etc.

PollyPut · 14/03/2023 22:35

How old is she? Does your daughter have a phone?

My biggest concern would be the safety of driving with someone I don't know at all. don't take risks - can you find an excuse to pick your daughter up after?

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/03/2023 23:03

I am trying and failing to get a handle on what your problem is with this woman. You apparently disapprove of the fact that she "likes a drink" but you don't think she's an alcoholic. If you don't think she's an alcoholic and don't think she would drink while caring for your child why does it matter that she goes out and has a social life?

You've also said that it's clear she doesn't like you but it isn't clear to me at all, it sounds as if it's the other way around. It comes across fairly clearly in your OP that you disapprove of her and I don't really understand why.

If there's more to this than you've said then you need to elaborate.

As a general principle I think you should trust anyone who is going to be looking after your child and you clearly don't. But I get the impression this is more to do with your judgement of her lifestyle than anything concrete. I may be being unfair but this is what I'm getting from this post.

lailamaria · 15/03/2023 05:33

betting the daughter is like 15 and that's why op hasn't come back

Sunnysunbun · 15/03/2023 05:47

It depends on your child's age. But because of the nature of the event I'm guessing primary possibly KS1.
I have had this and I didn't like it. They need to communicate with you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/03/2023 06:00

Was checking back, no answer on the age of your dd. Very difficult to vote.

Poopoolittlekitten · 15/03/2023 06:02

What age????
if she’s old enough to arrange this herself and has a phone to communicate then I would let her go.
under 10’years, no phone then no because if you can’t get hold of the mum that would be an issue.

Magenta82 · 15/03/2023 06:05

Given that they have their own phones I'm going to assume they are at secondary school. So YABU.

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 15/03/2023 06:10

If they are in high school you are being extremely unreasonable, judgemental and an absolute tit.

Yoshithegreen · 15/03/2023 06:31

Am I the only one who thinks it’s weird the mum can’t communicate with OP? Unless the children are 14-15 years old that is.

Dayvi · 15/03/2023 06:46

If you have messaged her about this then I would expect her to respond, no matter what age your child is. It's basic manners. If she can't do that then no I wouldn't let your child go.