Aaargh! WIBU to say if I’m such a strong candidate, why didn’t you give me the bloody job!

[Swosh]

So 4 interviews over the last 2 weeks. All really great roles at a higher salary and better conditions. 3 through employment agencies who had already remotely interviewed me and said I would be great for their roles.

Feedback from actual job interviews were that I came cross really well, my answers were great and I was a ‘very strong candidate’ but I was ‘pipped at the post’ for all of them! Obviously a lie to make me feel better at wasting my time.

What on earth am I doing wrong?

Two interviews involved walking up flights of stairs to get to the interview room (why couldn’t the damn room be on the ground floor?!) and as I’ve put a bit of weight on over the last year as working from home, I admit that I was a bit breathless almost keeled over at the start of the interview.

Could it be because I’m fat? Most of the roles were WFH though and I look fine head and shoulders wise.

I dress smart, well groomed, well spoken (don’t smell of BO).

At the interview I had this morning they said they had more interviews lined up for the rest of today and all day tomorrow so would come to me on Thursday but they called me at lunchtime to say that I was great but pipped at the post again and they had struggled to choose between me and another candidate, which I thought was odd. What about the other interviews they had apparently had lined up for today and tomorrow?

WIBU to ask my thread title when I inevitably get knocked back from the two interviews I’ve got lined up next week?

I resigned from my last job due to toxic environment and crap pay last month (bit heat of the moment) so desperately need to get another one!

What sort of job is it you’re going for that your weight is a signficant factor? Is it a gym or modelling or something physical?

how overweight are you, very morbidly obese can have an impact in all jobs though, it shouldn’t but it can,

Have you asked for feedback? I know people who have been rejected at interview stage and one reason was that someone else was better qualified (but they were both interviewed in case one really failed it I guess) and the other was told she didn’t appear confident with the company visions.
Sorry you’ve had such crappy luck but do ask for feedback, and good luck - you’ll get something.

I think you are overthinking. It’s your own insecurity and projecting. Not every failure is due to appearance and weight. If it’s WHF job mostly then why would they even care about that? It’s a generic statement people say and that is not to say you are not good they just found someone better. For people who are genuinely quite good you want to keep them sweet you never know another role open up and and they can call you back again.

I’m sorry to read this OP.

The modern climate of offence-taking and litigiousness has put employers in a tough situation. If you “give it straight” to a candidate about being under- or over-qualified, or giving off a certain vibe, you feel vulnerable. As a result, many will fudge the answer.

I would consider pushing them - nicely - for more detailed feedback. But you may have to accept that useful constructive feedback is a thing of the past.

Why are you not asking for feedback?

Thing is, presumably there’s only one job at the end of it. I’ve just been recruiting and have had to turn down strong candidates “pipped at the post”. My feedback has always included why we went for someone else (more experience of x situation, slightly stronger evidence of y) but they’ve all been people who would have been perfectly suitable for the job. But I haven’t got an unlimited number of posts.

If you like the company, it’s worth asking what else they might be recruiting for at the moment…

I know I've interviewed 2 or 3 candidates and quite frankly any of them could have done the job. I might just as well have pulled a name out of a hat.

Thanks. I have had feedback as in my OP.

The one today said they’d gone for someone already working in the area so assuming internal candidate which is annoying.

Others said ‘just pipped at the post’.

I have often thought this. They would never tell you the real reason, though.
I think if there are two cadidates of equal merit, the more attractive one will get the job.

They probably had the role already filled internally.

I Interview regularly. Sometimes people have all the skills and requirements for the job. But so does someone else and frankly I either like them better or I feel they will be a better fit for the team

Always ask for feedback but often they are kind with comments. It's tough to say you had bad breath or you looked crumpled or something personal I'm not saying that's the case at atl But sometimes you just get a better "feeling" about a candidate

Do you have visible tatoos, lots of piercings, smell of smoke?

So annoying when they advertise the post to external candidaes when they already know who they want.

Looking like a good team player is something I can't quantify but is often the deciding factor when the candidates are close. My team is diverse, but we all have a sense of humour and a strong drive for solutions/outcomes and I'm looking for people who will complement that.

I have interviewed for many roles over the years. I can honestly say you know within the first 10 seconds if someone is a definite no and try to remain professional but end the interview as quickly as politely possible. How long did your interviews last?

Also, the real reason for turning someone down is rarely given out of politeness or legalities, especially in small companies.

@LondonTripPlanning You sound very closed minded. What would it cost you to give them the benefit of the doubt for 5 minutes?

Firstly yes this is incredibly frustrating. Most people say "you were a strong candidate" if they haven't the balls to just be honest. It is a nice way of letting you down gently as most people just go "oh, okay. Not too bad then" and leave it at that.

I interview a fair amount and there is absolutely no reason why you can't ask for feedback. I wouldn't be as forceful in the demand to know why, because as a hirer I would find that very off-putting and it would certainly taint my view if you applied again. Just asking for constructive feedback is a good position; frame it that you respect their expertise and want to do better next time.

As for reasons, I think it is lazy to assume it is a weight issue. It essentially shifts the problem onto the interviewer and stops you being able to take ownership of things to improve.

If I give the "strong candidate" answer I will usually quantify it. Usually (and this happens ALOT) there are 2,3,4 or more candidates that are equally experienced and qualified to do the job. What does it come down to? Attitude, confidence and personality. The fact is, I can teach you to do any job in our organisation but if you don't "fit" the team from a personality perspective you won't get it. I shape my team depending on what I think will fit. Too loud and boisterous? No chance. I don't need a boat rocker. Shy and aloof? I don't need to work hard to get you integrated into the team. 99% of the time humour is the clincher. All things being equal, I want someone who has a wonderful work ethic, interest, experience, qualifications AND a sense of humour. Humour for me is the glue that holds the team together. If people are hyper-professional and snooty they won't fit the team. The job is hard enough without having to always watch what is being said.

Other issues that are less quantifiable are things like nervousness. Fine in some jobs but in my area of work you must cope under a huge amount of pressure and not "look" pressured. I need to see that despite your nerves you can hold it together but that is because in my area we deal with people's lives. It isn't a retail or administrative job.

Things that will inevitably get a no from me...

1. Too opinionated/brash/over-confident - striking the balance is hard. I want free-thinkers AND at the same time I need people who will play ball and accept when they need to just get on with the job.
2. I always throw in some curve-ball questions - asking what the person has failed at in life and what they learnt is one I use. Also telling me of a time when they did something really awful and what they learnt. If they say something like "I was too perfectionistic" they won't get it. Don't BS me with a positive masquerading as a negative!
3. Waffle - get to the point. I don't want a text-book recital. You better know the subject matter and be able to explain it in a way that doesn't look contrived. Also I want to know the key points in a clear, succinct fashion. I am not interested in 20 years ago, get to the point now!
4. Stupid answers - I've heard everything in my time. Anti-LGBT or BME language, impulsive responses that aren't thoughtful etc. The worst is when they say "I want to progress my career and this is a good step toward X", because it is saying "I will take your training then go elsewhere"... not a good look at all. Whilst I don't like the answer, I much prefer someone be honest and say "the money, I want to have a good income". That is MUCH better than some waffle about how much you care about the work.
5. Bringing personal into the interview - Okay so I don't mind SOME experience of your life but don't start an answer with "speaking as a X" (add black man, woman, lesbian, disabled person etc). I want to know your thoughts because you are UNIQUE and because you have good, nuanced examples. I don't do the divisive, categorised nonsense. It screams "attitude problem", even if it doesn't mean the person has one.

Sorry for the mega-answer. Just some thoughts.

Hi OP, sorry you missed out on the roles! I’m a recruiter and I very much doubt it had anything to do with your weight! I’ve never heard of that happening in my entire career. Sometimes it is the case that credible candidates can narrowly miss out on the role, it isn’t always a lie! Don’t let this discourage you

OMG you’ve made that judgement without knowing the first thing about me or the jobs I’m recruiting for.

One guy clicked his fingers at me before shaking my hand - there’s one example.

Before YOU judge, engage your brain FFS!

I would take it as a positive that you nearly got both roles and feel good about it. It is only a matter of time before someone sees you as exactly the right fit. Don’t let a few knock backs affect your confidence.

Also when asked "what quality would you bring to the role?" and they say some version of "team player", "commitment", "good work ethic" and "conscientious". ERGH! SO generic! I want some actual meaty answers! One person once said "banoffee pie, positivity and nuance whilst also being straight talking and direct" - instant offer! What won me over was the brownies. It showed she didn't take herself too seriously, had a sense of humour, knows that there is more to life (and a personality) than generic platitudes. One of the best hires in a long time

Also, I said end it as soon as politely possible. That is at least 15 minutes so I do give them more than five minutes!

I've found that the specific sort of phrasing you mention usually means that they have appointed an internal candidate. In my experience, the person was earmarked for the position long before they advertised it for legal reasons. It's shit but sadly, it seems to be the way of the world now.

@JackiePlace wouldn't it be worse if they just have internal candidates the job with no competition?!

If you want an honest opinion, (a) you quit your job without one to go to, which is a red flag, (b) you assume that not getting the job is an excuse as opposed to the truth - you just weren't the best candidate, and (c) if you are desperate to get a job that comes across in interviews and is often off-putting.