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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you or your DC ever got 'beaten up' in their school days?

63 replies

wowza234567 · 14/03/2023 09:14

Sadly since yesterday I can't get this bad memory out of my head. I believe it was in Year 5 or Year 6. I remember having an argument with a boy in the playground. What I remember next is that it turned physical. He pushed me against the wall and just beat me up. I tried to fight back, but it just did not work. He walloped me :(

My friends were near and tried to verbally intervene and shout 'STOP! NO!'. But they did not physically intervene. I think his friends just kinda watched on.

All I remember next was that I walked off with my friends sobbing my eyes out.
Think I told a dinner lady but nothing of consequence happened :(

OP posts:
TheBirdintheCave · 14/03/2023 09:18

Not quite to that level but there were a few incidents where my bullies became physical with me in school. The first being when they tried to push me down some stairs and the second when they cornered me and threw stones and coins at me.

Sorry you had to go through that :(

Mangogogogo · 14/03/2023 09:20

I didn’t but I remember the new kids would get beat on to see what ‘group’ they’d be in. My kids now don’t really seem to have that problem in high school thank fuck. We take assault much more seriously now

Original poster
wowza234567 · 14/03/2023 09:21

TheBirdintheCave · 14/03/2023 09:18

Not quite to that level but there were a few incidents where my bullies became physical with me in school. The first being when they tried to push me down some stairs and the second when they cornered me and threw stones and coins at me.

Sorry you had to go through that :(

Thanka @TheBirdintheCave

OP posts:
Kazzyhoward · 14/03/2023 09:23

Not "beaten up" as such, but I was occasionally randomly punched and quite often burned with fag ends. Unfortunately the bullies were "sporty" kids, popular with the teachers, so whenever I complained to teachers, they just shrugged it off and didn't take it seriously.

Original poster
wowza234567 · 14/03/2023 09:26

Sorry to hear about that @Kazzyhoward did you ever try and fight back?

OP posts:
MigratorySheep · 14/03/2023 09:27

DS yes - Yr2, school were useless.
DD was threatened with being beaten up next time she went to school in Yr 5, kept her home until the school had dealt with it.
Me - only by my elder sibling. Neither school nor parents were interested.

mondaytosunday · 14/03/2023 09:28

My son was never beaten up but there were a few squirmishes. My daughter never. I was bullied a bit when first st school, but verbal, nothing physical.

Original poster
wowza234567 · 14/03/2023 09:29

@MigratorySheep gosh. Now that I think about it I remember lots of pinchings happening in assemblies. Are you on speaking terms with that older sibling of yours?

OP posts:
Original poster
wowza234567 · 14/03/2023 09:30

I had this misconception in my head that no matter what 'a boy will never hit a girl'. How wrong I was.

OP posts:
WhatHaveIFound · 14/03/2023 09:35

Brick thrown at me in primary school resulting in stitches to my head, Generally kicked and pushed around plus spat on and verbal abuse in both primary & high school.

The joys of growing up mixed race in a white area!

Thankfully my DC have never had the same issues.

MigratorySheep · 14/03/2023 09:38

@wowza234567 No. And cut off by most family + extended family as a result.

It was 3 boys who threatened my DD.

Also boys who bullied my DS. Only stopped once I called the mum of the ringleader and informed her I'd given permission for DS to hit back as hard as he could. Told school the same. The mum claimed school had never told her of the several instances (could well be true).

Original poster
wowza234567 · 14/03/2023 09:40

@MigratorySheep gosh makes me wonder what the parents of bullies are like. I'd like to think they'd been mortified if they found out their child had beaten someone up.

OP posts:
MigratorySheep · 14/03/2023 09:44

To be fair, she sounded quite shocked although she didn't apologise.
And then on the other hand my parents wouldn't believe my sibling would be so nasty.

Original poster
wowza234567 · 14/03/2023 09:46

@MigratorySheep how is your relationship with your parents now if you don't mind me asking?

Honestly this discussion had made me remember some bad things from primary school.

OP posts:
Shallallama · 14/03/2023 09:50

I did, quite badly. I was also beaten by a group of girls randomly in the park, a passing jogger came to my rescue when they were kicking me in the head.

My DS had some physical bullying, he is now home educated

Original poster
wowza234567 · 14/03/2023 09:54

@Shallallama I'm sorry how old were you at the time? Did you know the girls?

How old is your DS? Hope he is doing ok.

OP posts:
PhoenixAuntie · 14/03/2023 09:55

I got constantly racially abused and did get physically attacked at school a few times, including a couple of sexual assaults. DS is mixed race and got racially abused a smaller amount of times and did get jumped once outside the school gates.

it made me hard as nails if I’m honest. I didn’t tell my parents. DS told me, he handled it well, I have made him proud of who he is. He would not let me go up to the school.

I said the best way to see it is school is a small part of your life and be successful. What made me sad was when he met his GF at their hobby, she said are you part Asian? and he lied because he was worried she wouldn’t like him, this was when he was being bullied. He told me soon after.

I saw one of my awful bullies a few years ago back in my home town, I was pleased that she looked like crap, not the Queen Bee now methinks.

Shallallama · 14/03/2023 09:58

wowza234567 · 14/03/2023 09:54

@Shallallama I'm sorry how old were you at the time? Did you know the girls?

How old is your DS? Hope he is doing ok.

The physical stuff was when I was in secondary school as I was badly bullied.

when I was beaten in the park is was by a group of girls, drunk on cheap cider who I had never seen before. I was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was 13

Original poster
wowza234567 · 14/03/2023 10:02

PhoenixAuntie · 14/03/2023 09:55

I got constantly racially abused and did get physically attacked at school a few times, including a couple of sexual assaults. DS is mixed race and got racially abused a smaller amount of times and did get jumped once outside the school gates.

it made me hard as nails if I’m honest. I didn’t tell my parents. DS told me, he handled it well, I have made him proud of who he is. He would not let me go up to the school.

I said the best way to see it is school is a small part of your life and be successful. What made me sad was when he met his GF at their hobby, she said are you part Asian? and he lied because he was worried she wouldn’t like him, this was when he was being bullied. He told me soon after.

I saw one of my awful bullies a few years ago back in my home town, I was pleased that she looked like crap, not the Queen Bee now methinks.

So sorry about that @PhoenixAuntie

OP posts:
DimplesToadfoot · 14/03/2023 10:04

Miltiple times I was held down by 5 boys while a 6th raped me. I was held down by the same 5 boys while a 6th was going to rape me but I was on my period so instead he pulled my tampon out and forced it in my mouth, I ended up having to swallow it. I was pinned down while my hair was cut off. I had a tub of glue dumped on my head. I had stuff slyly put into my bag without me noticing so at the end of the lesson when everything was counted and stuff was missing, bags were checked and it was found and so I was accused of stealing. I never took dinner money as that was taken from me on the way to school. I thought I got away from them all, spending all free time in the library, even the librarian had me running jobs for her, the headmaster put a stop to that. I had nowhere to go, nowhere to hide, no one to help me, no one who cared. At 14 I ended up taking an overdose, it wasn't a cry for help I wanted to die, it was put down as me "attention seeking". A lorry driver stopped me jumping off a motorway bridge. To this day my biggest regret in life is failing to die the day I took that overdose.

The joys of being raised in a childrens home and people think we're the bad ones.

AnonymousArabella · 14/03/2023 10:05

Not me.

My ds did get hurt a few times by a child in ks1. But the child in question had a lot of additional needs and school were doing all they could to prevent it happening. He doesn’t remember / talk about / focus on it now.

Shallallama · 14/03/2023 10:07

DimplesToadfoot · 14/03/2023 10:04

Miltiple times I was held down by 5 boys while a 6th raped me. I was held down by the same 5 boys while a 6th was going to rape me but I was on my period so instead he pulled my tampon out and forced it in my mouth, I ended up having to swallow it. I was pinned down while my hair was cut off. I had a tub of glue dumped on my head. I had stuff slyly put into my bag without me noticing so at the end of the lesson when everything was counted and stuff was missing, bags were checked and it was found and so I was accused of stealing. I never took dinner money as that was taken from me on the way to school. I thought I got away from them all, spending all free time in the library, even the librarian had me running jobs for her, the headmaster put a stop to that. I had nowhere to go, nowhere to hide, no one to help me, no one who cared. At 14 I ended up taking an overdose, it wasn't a cry for help I wanted to die, it was put down as me "attention seeking". A lorry driver stopped me jumping off a motorway bridge. To this day my biggest regret in life is failing to die the day I took that overdose.

The joys of being raised in a childrens home and people think we're the bad ones.

Jesus, that’s horrific! I honestly can’t express the sorrow I feel for you 😔

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 14/03/2023 10:10

I got in one fight and put the cow on her arse. She didn't know I did judo outside of school and I threw her off me and she hit her head on the tarmac, and I walked away. My mum got a phone call from the school threatening expulsion, and it's the one time I remember her standing up for me "the hell you will!". I got told by the teacher it was my fault for getting started on for using long words to the bully.

I remember one boy in particular got lord of the flies style victimised frequently. I remember him being put in a salt bin and it being pushed down concrete steps and all sorts of mad shit. At the time I sort of just accepted it as "shit that happens" and it being his place in the pecking order, but in hindsight I think it was just a bit of a trauma response to trying to make sense of a really scary environment! I wish I'd been brave enough to step in.

This would have been around 98-99 at secondary school.

Original poster
wowza234567 · 14/03/2023 10:18

DimplesToadfoot · 14/03/2023 10:04

Miltiple times I was held down by 5 boys while a 6th raped me. I was held down by the same 5 boys while a 6th was going to rape me but I was on my period so instead he pulled my tampon out and forced it in my mouth, I ended up having to swallow it. I was pinned down while my hair was cut off. I had a tub of glue dumped on my head. I had stuff slyly put into my bag without me noticing so at the end of the lesson when everything was counted and stuff was missing, bags were checked and it was found and so I was accused of stealing. I never took dinner money as that was taken from me on the way to school. I thought I got away from them all, spending all free time in the library, even the librarian had me running jobs for her, the headmaster put a stop to that. I had nowhere to go, nowhere to hide, no one to help me, no one who cared. At 14 I ended up taking an overdose, it wasn't a cry for help I wanted to die, it was put down as me "attention seeking". A lorry driver stopped me jumping off a motorway bridge. To this day my biggest regret in life is failing to die the day I took that overdose.

The joys of being raised in a childrens home and people think we're the bad ones.

I'm so so so so sorry.

OP posts:
CoffeeWithCheese · 14/03/2023 10:18

I got beaten up regularly - from primary age onwards. I now know I had undiagnosed autism so was "odd" and viewed as easy pickings. I'd be chased home from the shops regularly by random kids - to the point that by about age 12 I wouldn't go out and about alone.

I was chased by some of the girls out on a hack from the local riding school - led to me being terrified of horses to this day. I must have been about 10 at that point. I had my head smacked off the playground at infant school, and worms shoved down my t-shirt. The area I grew up in was very hilly and so you could walk almost level with my bedroom window on the pavement of the street behind - my windows were regularly targeted by projectiles if they could see I was in the house.

Summer playscheme and on the bus home I had cigarette butts shoved into my mouth. Once I had to get the bus to school - was punched in the face for looking at someone "wrong" (see the autism comment for why my facial expressions go strange at times). Was shoved off the pavement into the path of the bus on one occasion as well - the bus ride home was so bad I'd get off many many stops in advance to avoid the worst of it and walk home. Was walloped many times by both boys and girls.

Growing up in the 1980s as a slightly "quirky" individual was hell