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AIBU?

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Original poster

Single bathroom drama

100 replies

CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 06:30

Dd is horrible to get up in the morning. She is grumpy and now 12, too big for me to pull out of her mid sleeper, so we clash. Last night we decided that I would 'wake her up properly' instead of going in then popping back every 5 minutes to shake her or tell her to get up, which goes on for about 40 minutes and drives me mad. I didn't want to do it anymore.

This morning I manage to wake her up and just as she is about to get up for a shower, dp goes into the bathroom for a poo. Bad timing, not his fault, nature calls etc etc but I said 'oh no, you're doing a poo.'

He got really upset, saying I shouldn't have said it, I shouldn't comment on his poos etc etc. I wasn't saying it as a dig at him, more out of frustration at the situation.

Was I wrong to say anything? Obviously no issue with him pooing but frustration at the clash of timing as I had battled so hard to wake dd up, about 10 minutes of duvet fighting.

Ugh. Am I awful?

He didn't poo by the way, but huffed off and said 'there, I didn't poo.' It turns out he didn't actually need to in the end as he has got up 2 hours earlier than normal today as he is going to work early.

OP posts:
TaRaDeBumDeAy · 14/03/2023 08:12

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Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 08:12

@Snugglemonkey it's a dominance thing definitely. How to deal with it? Even if I'd been more polite as some suggest, the gaslighter isn't looking for a solution. Their aim is to fuck with you so nothing would have helped

OP posts:
Timeforchangeithink · 14/03/2023 08:12

What a lot of drama about nothing!

Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 08:13

@BarbaraofSeville to point it out is infinitely cruel and a criticism of how whole personality.

OP posts:
emptythelitterbox · 14/03/2023 08:13

What exactly are his good points?

Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 08:13

@TaRaDeBumDeAy well that's my life. And it is bullshit. If you don't live like this you have no idea

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Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 08:14

@Timeforchangeithink he loves drama. There has been much drama on here but in reality it was a small thing

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TheGoogleMum · 14/03/2023 08:15

My DH has long poop sessions. This is why I could not live in a house with only 1 bathroom ever again. It's so annoying when you're about to go in if he gets there first!

Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 08:17

@emptythelitterbox he has lots, works hard, is great with dd, reliable, loyal, doesn't drink, go to the pub, watch endless sport, kind mostly, thoughtful mostly. He's just got a few things he takes as character assassination. Maybe I'm deluded but he is much better than he used to be as I'm standing up like a boss.

OP posts:
bussteward · 14/03/2023 08:18

Why DO men take such lengthy poos? (I’m not the poo troll.)

Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 08:18

@TheGoogleMum we will move one day but for now it is such a source of annoyance

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Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 08:19

@bussteward the mere suggestion of pushing it out is apocalyptic. Not that I have. But why don't they?

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BarbaraofSeville · 14/03/2023 08:24

@CheeseDreamsTonight I don't know, the leisurely man poo is something my DP has never done, he takes what seems to me to be a normal amount of time.

I feel strangely grateful for that when I see threads like this, but then try not to as it seems like quite a low bar for them as a sex.

I did once read or hear that there's no biological difference between men and women that makes men need to take longer, so I just assume that they're taking time for themselves, or hiding from domestic/childcare responsibilities.

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 14/03/2023 09:08

Anyway, he usually sleeps until we're gone so back to that tomorrow!

So he got up, didn’t help you with your daughter, actively blocked your efforts to sort the morning routine by taking a shit when you needed the bathroom, had a hissy fit because you said ‘oh no, you’re having a poo?’ and the stupid twat normally lazes in bed until after you’re gone anyway?

What a fucking bellend.

monsterradeliciosa · 14/03/2023 09:29

Does he take one hour to do a poo like my elderly father?

Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 09:59

@BarbaraofSeville I think it's hiding. It's super annoying.

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Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 10:01

@Doesthepopeshitinthewoods yes! It's a bone of contention, that he never ever ever gets up to help. Then on days like today I think maybe it's a good thing! It's not so bad now dd is 12 but when she was little and needed a lot of help, my gosh I was raging. He goes to bed late, that's the issue and cannot function without 8 hours sleep. Again, one of the things which I cannot discuss with him as he sees it as an attack.

These last couple of weeks I don't mind as he's been working until 10pm, manual 13/14 hour days, but usually it is a real kick in the teeth

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Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 10:02

@monsterradeliciosa yes, almost

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emptythelitterbox · 14/03/2023 10:06

CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 08:17

@emptythelitterbox he has lots, works hard, is great with dd, reliable, loyal, doesn't drink, go to the pub, watch endless sport, kind mostly, thoughtful mostly. He's just got a few things he takes as character assassination. Maybe I'm deluded but he is much better than he used to be as I'm standing up like a boss.

Those things are the bare minimum of decency for any human.

Who benefits the most from the relationship? I'm guessing him.

FlightyFoxing · 14/03/2023 10:37

Why the fuck does it take adult men so long to go for a shit. 20 minutes is ridiculous.

user1492757084 · 14/03/2023 10:41

You could invest in an enclosed camp loo or composting portaloo in back garden for poo. This could make the single bathroom work much better.

Snoken · 14/03/2023 11:42

user1492757084 · 14/03/2023 10:41

You could invest in an enclosed camp loo or composting portaloo in back garden for poo. This could make the single bathroom work much better.

It would probably also cut down his 20 minutes on the toilet to about 1. Especially in the winter months.

Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 12:07

@emptythelitterbox we do have a good life together. It's hard to put into words but I have no intention of LTB.

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Rosscameasdoody · 14/03/2023 12:18

I agree your DP was a bit unreasonable - a lot of drama over nothing. If he was aware your DD was about to go for a shower he either should have gone earlier or waited until she was finished. But to address the issue with you DD, I couldn’t be doing with a battle of wills like this every morning. At 12 she’s old enough to start taking responsibility for the consequences of her actions and it needs to be tackled now, as it will only get worse as she gets older without establishing a proper morning routine. Get her an alarm clock and maybe invest in a shower clock as well. If you give her a lift to school, or to meet the school bus, set a deadline by which she must be ready in the mornings and stick to it. If she misses that deadline and is late as a result, then she has to do the explaining herself.

Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 13:47

@Rosscameasdoody yes I do agree completely. I can't be doing with a teenager I have to battle with. She's very capable in many areas, but deadlines and clock watching, planning are weak spots.

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