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AIBU?

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Original poster

Single bathroom drama

100 replies

CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 06:30

Dd is horrible to get up in the morning. She is grumpy and now 12, too big for me to pull out of her mid sleeper, so we clash. Last night we decided that I would 'wake her up properly' instead of going in then popping back every 5 minutes to shake her or tell her to get up, which goes on for about 40 minutes and drives me mad. I didn't want to do it anymore.

This morning I manage to wake her up and just as she is about to get up for a shower, dp goes into the bathroom for a poo. Bad timing, not his fault, nature calls etc etc but I said 'oh no, you're doing a poo.'

He got really upset, saying I shouldn't have said it, I shouldn't comment on his poos etc etc. I wasn't saying it as a dig at him, more out of frustration at the situation.

Was I wrong to say anything? Obviously no issue with him pooing but frustration at the clash of timing as I had battled so hard to wake dd up, about 10 minutes of duvet fighting.

Ugh. Am I awful?

He didn't poo by the way, but huffed off and said 'there, I didn't poo.' It turns out he didn't actually need to in the end as he has got up 2 hours earlier than normal today as he is going to work early.

OP posts:
Mortimercat · 14/03/2023 07:36

CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 06:58

@Ella505 there was no drama on my part. I said 'oh, you're doing a poo.' Dp went off on one. End of. So what, I was frustrated as I had been duvet fighting for ten minutes. So shoot me.

Why are you going on and on about a poo? Weird.

ShimmeringShirts · 14/03/2023 07:39

Don’t see why you needed to comment on him using the bathroom, your DD is 12, not like she couldn’t hold off for 10 mins Confused

EmpressOfTheSofa · 14/03/2023 07:41

My ex husband was abusive in many ways but one of the most disgusting behaviours he had was taking a shit while I had a bath.

Every single time. It didn’t matter what time of day it was, if I had a bath he would sit on the toilet in front of me and have a smelly shit.

Definitely a dominance thing. And he would be furious if I locked the door. OP I would have a think if this is part of a pattern of behaviour.

Clymene · 14/03/2023 07:41

He's an abusive bully. But no surprise that people are sticking up for him.

What a horrible home for you and your daughter

Ponoka7 · 14/03/2023 07:42

ShimmeringShirts · 14/03/2023 07:39

Don’t see why you needed to comment on him using the bathroom, your DD is 12, not like she couldn’t hold off for 10 mins Confused

If you read it, he goes and sits in there for at least 20 minutes, even if he doesn't need to go, which he didn't in this case.

LaviniasBigBloomers · 14/03/2023 07:44

I would never comment on another person's toilet habits, but your DH made his fair play when he started shitting with the door open and when you are in the shower. Gross. If he wants privacy, he needs to offer privacy to the rest of the family.

Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:46

@MajorCarolDanvers fair enough but is it really that bad to just wait / read the room

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Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:47

@Mortimercat because that was the situation. I said poo as he was going for a poo. Why is that weird?

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Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:48

@ShimmeringShirts she could have. That's my point. It was a non issue, just a comment, although post poo shower is grim

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Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:49

@EmpressOfTheSofa it is a pattern. It is definitely abusive, yes. Why is poo dominance a thing?

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Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:49

@Clymene I'm being gaslit on here as much as at home!

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Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:50

@Ponoka7 yes this is the key point

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Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:50

@LaviniasBigBloomers oh that's a brilliant way of saying it! Yes! He did make his fair play. It he was discreet and considerate, I would be too.

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Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:51

We never talk about mine or dds for example as it isn't something we share and do in the open.

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ToughOleBird · 14/03/2023 07:55

So your D wont get up in the morning & when she finally did it clashed with your H poo. Then the H gets blamed for wanting a poo, & not doing one. I’m not surprised with all that going on. If I’m in mid poo & I hear a noise it stops me dead. Let the D get herself up & fight the poo battle. If she’d got up right away then it wouldn’t have happened. Try banging saucepans together, although that’s probably classed as child abuse these days. I can’t believe I’m even replying to this .

emptythelitterbox · 14/03/2023 07:55

He sounds like an abusive bully.

I take it he fine most of the time as he gets his own way most of the time.

Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:58

@ToughOleBird to be honest I wish you hadn't

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Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:59

@emptythelitterbox you could be right

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DuvetDownn · 14/03/2023 08:03

Well he will have to hold his man poo for a bit longer.

bussteward · 14/03/2023 08:06

CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:29

@bussteward well quite, but he is ok most of the time: you're right that he just will not discuss things though and if I bring anything up he's defensive, it was in the wrong tone, wrong time - too late, too early in the day or too far into the issue / too early in the issue. Frustrating. He is super paranoid and whatever I say, he hears it as a criticism of everything he does. One issue and he says 'I can't do anything right.' Don't know why.

You're right about the alarm clock, that's a great idea.

Oh, “I can’t do anything right” is a classic. Makes it your fault – you’re a nag, you’re nitpicking, you find fault with everything – and stops the discussion dead. Even though his behaviour bloody should be discussed.

Are his good points good enough to compensate for everything else?

Google “alarm clock on wheels” for the one that may torment your DD into getting out of bed when it hides under it! My mum used to get me up by sitting in my room going “Oh, that’s interesting, what’s that?” and moving my things around: the preteen/teen need for privacy overrides the need for sleep: my eyes would FLY open as she pottered and pried.

Ikilledthebabysharkdododuhdodudoo · 14/03/2023 08:08

I’ve been frozen mid-tea sip since reading he would come into the bathroom and poop WHILE YOU WERE SHOWERING?!?! I’m with @Clymene on this - that’s beyond fucked up…. It’s such a gross power move. What did you say when he did that? Surely it was an immediate ick situation??

And look, if you have one bathroom people have to poo somewhere (and he didn’t need to, so fair enough) but blokes do poo for such a long time that if there’s a morning routine he needs to figure out how to fit it into the schedule! And his reaction is so overly sensitive for a guy with zero pooping boundaries.

But….WHILE YOU SHOWER??? I cannot with this.

Snugglemonkey · 14/03/2023 08:09

CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:03

@Snugglemonkey 100% this is the issue. Agreed. That's why I posted as I am sometimes unsure as it's batshittery with my brain.

It is not. It is one of those things that is probably not even conscious for him, but reflects his sense of entiitlement and a drive to assert dominance. So it is tricky to deal with. It is really disrespectful though.

Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 08:09

Ha ha brilliant ideas! I'll try that! Alarm clock on wheels is a good idea.

It's very frustrating as we can't discuss any issues really unless I judge it absolutely right. Which I do sometimes.

His good points are very good. He's not all bad and he is getting better but he's very emotionally immature

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BarbaraofSeville · 14/03/2023 08:09

He needs to not go for a 20 minute man poo, with his phone FFS, when everyone is trying to get up and dressed.

I'm surprised he needs this pointing out to him. Has he always been this selfish?

If he actually needs a poo, he needs to be in and out a lot quicker, and opens the window when he's done.

If he doesn't need to go, and is actually going for a leisurely 20 mins on his phone, he does that somewhere else while DD and anyone else who needs it, has their shower.

Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 08:10

@Ikilledthebabysharkdododuhdodudoo ha ha I know! I said immediately 'what are you doing?' And he didn't see anything wrong with it as he wouldn't mind if I did it while he was in the shower. Which I never have

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