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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Single bathroom drama

100 replies

CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 06:30

Dd is horrible to get up in the morning. She is grumpy and now 12, too big for me to pull out of her mid sleeper, so we clash. Last night we decided that I would 'wake her up properly' instead of going in then popping back every 5 minutes to shake her or tell her to get up, which goes on for about 40 minutes and drives me mad. I didn't want to do it anymore.

This morning I manage to wake her up and just as she is about to get up for a shower, dp goes into the bathroom for a poo. Bad timing, not his fault, nature calls etc etc but I said 'oh no, you're doing a poo.'

He got really upset, saying I shouldn't have said it, I shouldn't comment on his poos etc etc. I wasn't saying it as a dig at him, more out of frustration at the situation.

Was I wrong to say anything? Obviously no issue with him pooing but frustration at the clash of timing as I had battled so hard to wake dd up, about 10 minutes of duvet fighting.

Ugh. Am I awful?

He didn't poo by the way, but huffed off and said 'there, I didn't poo.' It turns out he didn't actually need to in the end as he has got up 2 hours earlier than normal today as he is going to work early.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:03

@Snugglemonkey 100% this is the issue. Agreed. That's why I posted as I am sometimes unsure as it's batshittery with my brain.

OP posts:
CrystalCoco · 14/03/2023 07:05

For the love of God - you had to lock the door to stop him coming in and shitting whilst you're in the shower!? The man's an animal.

Justalittlebitduckling · 14/03/2023 07:08

He has finally realised I don't want him in there pooing while I'm in the shower.

That’s disgusting. What an oaf.

Snoken · 14/03/2023 07:08

CrystalCoco · 14/03/2023 07:05

For the love of God - you had to lock the door to stop him coming in and shitting whilst you're in the shower!? The man's an animal.

Agreed. No way would I accept that. If he's so coy about his poo that you can't make comments about it, why is he still happy to poo right in front of you... Horrible behaviour.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 14/03/2023 07:09

It's extremely crass to comment on anyone's bathroom activities. At most you could have said "DD needs to get in there immediately, could you possibly wait?"

Your child needs an earlier bedtime.

Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:10

@CrystalCoco yes! He was so confused and could not understand why I had done it! Genuinely I think he forgets we are real people sometimes.

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Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:10

@Justalittlebitduckling yes, and I don't know why he didn't think it was

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Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:11

@Snoken no idea. I've had to explain that he needs to shut the door too. He was pooing with it wide open and our house layout has a bedroom front and back with a windowless bathroom in the middle, so the 2m hallway was poo stench. Awful

OP posts:
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 14/03/2023 07:12

FFS. How could you be attracted to him?

Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:14

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune yes I agree, that may have been a better way to handle it.

Dd goes to bed at 9 and gets up at 6. She's 12. 9 hours sleep is enough. I actually think she is beginning puberty as she is eating like a horse and is very very grumpy.

She plays competitive sport, is very fit, eats well, not overweight, no screens past 8pm. She's fine. It's just dependency on me that has become a habit.

Also, why is it crass for me to comment but ok for him to literally poo while I am in the shower, in his eyes?

OP posts:
Snoken · 14/03/2023 07:14

CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:11

@Snoken no idea. I've had to explain that he needs to shut the door too. He was pooing with it wide open and our house layout has a bedroom front and back with a windowless bathroom in the middle, so the 2m hallway was poo stench. Awful

That's really grim. He shouldn't live with people really. I feel for you and your DD, you are living with some weird poo monster with anger issues.

Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:14

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune he's 99% ok, honestly. Just a big sensitive baby over certain things.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:15

@Snoken his whole family get 'upset' over things and deflect. It's super annoying. You can do nothing wrong and end up in the doghouse.

OP posts:
Snoken · 14/03/2023 07:17

CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:15

@Snoken his whole family get 'upset' over things and deflect. It's super annoying. You can do nothing wrong and end up in the doghouse.

So he gaslights you too?

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 14/03/2023 07:19

Drip drip drip.

Surely this isn't real.

Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:19

@Snoken oh absolutely. I'm very wise to it. I unemotionally say 'don't speak to me like that' or 'don't deflect.' I've realised the aim of a gaslighter isn't to come to a solution so I don't try. I'm not affected by it as I've stamped it out and dd does too. She doesn't stand for it and calls him out too. It's not all the time, it's how his family are. He's learning and actually, contrary to popular belief, has improved.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:20

@TaRaDeBumDeAy it's called conversation. Why would I put all this shit in the post? Ugh

OP posts:
Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:21

@TaRaDeBumDeAy why wouldn't a man being an inconsiderate stinker and a frustrated parent with a pubescent teen who can't get up be real?

Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:26

Anyway, dd is showered, and I'm off for one now as dp is at work and there is no fear of any poo related clashes. Half joking obviously.

Thanks all

OP posts:
bussteward · 14/03/2023 07:27

The more you post about him the worse he sounds. How can you be attracted to a man who not only poos with the door open, poos when you’re using the shower, resents you locking the bathroom door, sits there with his phone for 20 minutes no doubt avoiding domestic tasks, won’t discuss any of this, and huffs over the slightest thing, but also deliberately sabotages your efforts to get DD up? He didn’t need a poo or even to be awake so what was he doing with the whole performance? Sorry but he sounds awful, and DD needs the alarm clock that scuttles off and hides if you ignore it.

Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:29

@bussteward well quite, but he is ok most of the time: you're right that he just will not discuss things though and if I bring anything up he's defensive, it was in the wrong tone, wrong time - too late, too early in the day or too far into the issue / too early in the issue. Frustrating. He is super paranoid and whatever I say, he hears it as a criticism of everything he does. One issue and he says 'I can't do anything right.' Don't know why.

You're right about the alarm clock, that's a great idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:30

@bussteward he did need to be up today as had to do a train station run to pick up a colleague.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 14/03/2023 07:31

@bussteward so the poo thing, he would have heard as 'bla bla another thing I got wrong bla bla.'

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 14/03/2023 07:35

Not everyone enjoys a commentary on their bodily functions. Especially first thing in the morning.

KateAusten · 14/03/2023 07:36

It sounds like a circus