To think DP isn't going to tell the school

[TropicalH20]

My DP has a DD aged 11. At the weekend her DD was with her dad. She called my DP up and told her she didn't feel safe and that her dad had hit her. She sent a pic and all her arm was red. There were other family members in the house at the time and it was confirmed by others this had happened and he had shouted and hit her hard.
Her DD dad didn't take any responsibility and refused to apologise. He became angry at my DP and minimised it so badly. DP was going to collect her but decided not to after speaking to DD and saying she seemed OK. (I personally would have still gone and got her). I've been that child who's been hit numerous times by my parents and I felt so scared.

Her DD came home and we spoke about the situation. Her DD said she still had a funny feeling in her tummy and I just really felt for her. We told her no one should ever hit her even if she is being cheeky. Then we found out she had her phone taken away from her because she had contacted DP to ask to leave and that she felt unsafe. Which I think is absolutely awful. My DP said she was going to contact the school and let them know about all this.
So yesterday arrived, I asked if she had emailed the school. Tells me she hasn't, wants to speak to the dad and hear his voice and what he has to say. I don't know how the conversation went but I have a feeling she's not going to inform the school of this incident.
When I was young my parents always used to tell me never to tell anyone how they used to be with me, I always wished I had someone looking out for me with my parents rages. I just feel for the DD. Yes ok she can be very cheeky and have an attitude but you use consequences of no phone etc not shouting and hitting.

Aibu to think DP isn't going to say anything and to lose respect for how this was handled.

What do you mean he has no parental rights? Is he not on the BC? That doesn't mean anything if he were to go to court. However this is an issue your DP needs to deal with and quickly. She can't go there for overnight contact if he hits her and takes away her phone when she tries to get help. No way.

The job I do is safeguarding. So I feel she should be reporting it even more so.

Then you know it’s everyone’s job to report abuse - what’s stopping you taking the lead?

God poor kid , dad is abusing her and mum is acting like it’s no big deal. Someone needs to protect this child.

No he isn't on the BC. I know he can go to court but highly doubt he will.
I agree with you but have a feeling her DD will be there on her next night round.

I think it's because she didn't get her that evening and it makes her look bad when her DD told her she feels unsafe and she hasn't got her.

Nothing to do with the school, my mum is a teacher and is often frustrated into being involved on family business/drama.

if child is at risk social services need calling

You know deep down you have to report this yourself.

Start by calling NSPCC.

You've stated clearly here that neither of her parents is willing to protect her from abuse. You are an adult that can.

It'll probably end your relationship but a child is at risk here.

You need to make a referral to children's social care , there is probably on on line form.

1. Report to SS. 2. It might feel bad to her but she changed her mind after speaking to the guy who was invested in making it seem like a teen drama and less serious. He lied to cover himself. Abusers do that

It's possible trealise you've made a mistake of judgment not likely to be judged far worse to ignore this and then be answering the why did you cover this up question when it's a broken bone or other hospital injury.

The thing is it's not the school's responsibility to stop the contact nor social services. There's little value in reporting it to anyone if the mother won't take action to protect the child.

She had proof he hit her, her daughter begged to come home and was punished for doing so and she still didn’t collect her. She now refuses to say anything to him, he’s hit her before and she didn’t do anything then…

Why is she failing to protect her daughter? Or rather just failing her daughter? Why is this man, who has no parental rights and wasn’t even in a relationship with the mother, having his daughter to stay and being allowed to abuse her multiple times, in front of his own family? Why is your partner not doing anything??

I’d lose all respect for her too. That poor child.

@TropicalH20 yes inform the school but you or your DP should have reported it when you found out it happened. It’s not the schools job to sort it out for you and I think you both know that. The school would deal with it if a child discloses something directly to them and that would mean SS/Police. The child has disclosed this to her parent who has done nothing , it should have been reported and the school informed so that they are aware that this poor little girl needs some support. You all need to get a grip and protect her.

I can't believe all the pp's saying school don't need to know.
So when the poor child bursts into tears or lashes out, nobody would have a clue why.
I think they do need to know.

Totally agree!

Social services and the police would contact the school and talk to the head teacher and her class teacher personally, my mums a teacher and many kids come from “difficult backgrounds”.

I'm having difficulty here. You both work in safeguarding but neither of you have taken the necessary action you are obliged to make and your school @TropicalH20 telephones the accused aggressor to find out their side of the story before making a referral ?
Report it now, SS will inform whoever needs to know

You work in safeguarding then surely you know how important it is that this is reported. That poor child, less importantly, isn’t your job at risk if you stand by and do nothing?

This is the first time we know he's hit her. We know he's yanked her arm but we weren't sure what happened mostly down to DP not following this up.
He's has MH issues and sometimes her DD will have to get up on her own and he will sleep in until midday. The weekends she's there she will often just be in her room alone on her phone all day.
But it's all coming together now to me and I'm seeing the picture. This is definitely not a healthy place for her DD to be.
I've also just found out that DP sent her DD there this morning. He usually takes her to school so DP can get to work. I'm so angry. So so angry.

I'm going to speak to DP this afternoon and if she still fails to do anything I will report myself. Yes and it goes against all my professional integrity

Not my school. Another school I know of

The school is not a social service. If you have serious safeguarding concerns then contact actual social services or the police.

It will look much worse for her if something else happens and it comes out that she ignored this.

I just cannot believe she’s making her daughter go there at all. She is failing to protect her. Why? Just, why?

I hope you can get through to her, but if this man hitting and punishing her daughter for asking her mum to help her, isn’t enough to make your partner actually do anything, I daresay you won’t be able to.

She’s not a very good mother. Did you say you both work in safeguarding?

Just saw your partner works with children. I wouldn’t want my kid in her care with the extremely poor decisions that she’s making. Jesus.

Jeez, I really feel for you but a feel way more for the DD.

Report to MASH anonymously if you must, you said other family members confirmed it so she may assume it’s one of those people.

You know what it’s like to grow up in an abusive environment now imagine what it’s like to have told people about the abuse, that you’re scared and hurt, and those people did nothing.

Report it, I don’t care who to, but report it.