Page 6 | Not much diversity at son's school putting me off

agagahag · 2023-03-13T20:23:37+00:00

AIBU ? My local area is quite diverse. However the preschool my son attends is not diverse at all. It's part of a prep school. I feel a bit put off by it. Would it put you off ? Ideally the school should reflect the local culture, but in this case it does not at all.

Naunet · 14/03/2023 08:20

Commonsensitivity · 13/03/2023 21:47

I disliked the lack of diversity in my sons state primary. It's a good school in a middle class area, but very white indeed.
We are white too, but it doesn't make that homogeneous culture any less undesirable. In the UK unless at an international school, other ethnicities are still a minority unfortunately.
But I expect in your prep school, you would be less likely to experience poor behaviour, so it is a mix.

What do you mean they’re a minority unfortunately?! The UK is 82% white, white is the indigenous race here, of course other races will be a minority. You’re free to move to another country if you not want to live somewhere where the indigenous population is white.

CluelessInThe21st · 14/03/2023 08:54

agagahag · 13/03/2023 20:36

Well, so. The school is dominated by kids from a certain background, which we are not part of. I would like my kid to go to a school that's not dominated by kids from only one background.

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I assume the prep school is full of Indians and you are not. Curious if I'm wrong.

If you are thinking of going down the private school route be advised that by design they are not diverse at all in any shape or form. My daughter's private school is at least 60% ethnically Indian (as are we), and I could be wrong but I assume about 30-40% of the kids have parents who are doctors. This does not reflect the population of our town at all but is not uncommon for private schools. I often wonder what the white British kids and the parents make of the demographics but I really, really hope though that the kids in my daughter's school or their parents don't mind.

Salverus · 14/03/2023 09:14

CluelessInThe21st · 14/03/2023 08:54

I assume the prep school is full of Indians and you are not. Curious if I'm wrong.

If you are thinking of going down the private school route be advised that by design they are not diverse at all in any shape or form. My daughter's private school is at least 60% ethnically Indian (as are we), and I could be wrong but I assume about 30-40% of the kids have parents who are doctors. This does not reflect the population of our town at all but is not uncommon for private schools. I often wonder what the white British kids and the parents make of the demographics but I really, really hope though that the kids in my daughter's school or their parents don't mind.

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Yes I thought that.

aSofaNearYou · 14/03/2023 09:15

It wouldn't be a leading consideration for me if the school was otherwise the best.

Original poster

agagahag · 14/03/2023 09:56

@CluelessInThe21st no we are not white British either.

We are not part of the majority group- and it's not just 60 percent. More like 80-90 percent.

OP posts:

pansiesinmygarden · 14/03/2023 10:48

agagahag · 13/03/2023 22:36

I don't know, i feel conflicted. I feel like we are different already here in this country and now in the school we are also not fitting in with the majority there. It's my own hang up.

I also grew up elsewhere and was not from there either, so maybe I'm extra sensitive to it not fitting in etc. I never have. I guess I just want the best for my kids and would prefer if they fitted in.

Maybe we need an international school.

I don't really understand this OP

You refer to the UK as 'this country', so I assume you were not born here?

Surely if you decide to move somewhere you are open to the possibility of not being in the majority group in that place and hence you will need to adapt and accept the situation? You cannot force others to change so that you feel more comfortable.

Regarding the school issue, as others have said, nobody is forcing you to send your child there, so just move him to a different place that meets your ethnic diversity targets. I don't think you are suggesting that children who are already there should be removed or denied a place so that more suitable kids (according to you) can replace them?

pansiesinmygarden · 14/03/2023 10:52

Commonsensitivity · 13/03/2023 21:47

I disliked the lack of diversity in my sons state primary. It's a good school in a middle class area, but very white indeed.
We are white too, but it doesn't make that homogeneous culture any less undesirable. In the UK unless at an international school, other ethnicities are still a minority unfortunately.
But I expect in your prep school, you would be less likely to experience poor behaviour, so it is a mix.

I don't understand people who see diversity or non-whiteness (as you say) as a target or aspiration.

There's nothing wrong with a majority white, or non-white, or Catholic or Muslim place per se.

A homogeneous culture can be valuable in some instances and not in others. It all depends on the situation

Original poster

agagahag · 14/03/2023 10:53

@pansiesinmygarden oh dear. No I'm not suggesting it's anyone's fault. I might just choose a school where there is a variety of international people. Maybe an international school. I'm not suggesting it's anyone's fault and I'm not suggesting children should be removed ??

I'm just trying to think what's best for my kid. Maybe a school where there were more international kids would suit our family better.

OP posts:

Original poster

agagahag · 14/03/2023 10:56

@pansiesinmygarden I've never been the majority group. Even where I was born and lived before coming here, I was not.

So yup, I accept that my kids are not the majority group. However at a school where 90 percent are one group, I think them not being part of that group might be a disadvantage. So ideally a school where there's more of a balanced mix of cultures, could be an option for them. Ideally an international school perhaps.

OP posts:

Sendbobsandvagene · 14/03/2023 11:15

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MissingMoominMamma · 14/03/2023 11:25

Marchsnowstorms · 13/03/2023 23:12

Prep schools are expensive for most people. Parents are paying for small non disrupted classes with nice kids.
So no they aren't really ever diverse.
Most of us can't afford them

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I chose one because my son has ADHD and they did loads of sport. It worked for him and he was able to transition seamlessly into a state High School, joining lots of teams, rather than being the disruptive kid he’d been labelled as in his first state primary. He didn’t have a problem when rules were clearly set out and there was a lot of movement in his day.

Sugargliderwombat · 14/03/2023 12:27

I think if you're going to send them to an international private school anyway you might aswell just send them to whatever private school is best. The children at the private international are still going to be middle class, affluent children from similar backgrounds.

marcopront · 14/03/2023 15:50

@FuckNo

Plus, it isn't as easy as to just say that OP should be the one to change diversity figures. It isn't as easy as "be a trendsetter" if its going to be detrimental to OP's child's wellbeing. Is the setting going to reflect the community and teach equality through play?

No it isn't easy but the OP seems to have expected someone else to have changed the diversity figures.

DemiColon · 14/03/2023 16:49

redskylight · 14/03/2023 07:51

This thread is a nice example of people choosing to define diversity as "displaying the type of variation I want". A post early on pointing out that a private school, by definition, is not diverse got ridiculed by a few.

Do people think that diversity is solely determined by the colour of people's skin?

If you are a naice middle class white family, you will probably have an awful lot more in common with a naice middle class British Asian family, than you will with a white family on the poverty line.

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Well, it's not totally unreasonable. IN government initiatives or corporate branding or anything like that diversity is really a very one dimensional thing. It certainly does not usually mean things like political or class diversity. I remember a relative telling me proudly that her workplace had won an award for diversity - lots of non-white employees, lots of gay employees. I rolled my eyes a bit - the people in her work are very nice, but are almost all from middle or upper middle class backgrounds, are university educated, and live upper middle class lives.

Laptopneeded · 14/03/2023 17:29

What sort of diversity are you look for?
I attended private for a short time and it was extremely diverse! We had pupils popping in for a time with international parents eg from Australia, USA, Nigeria, Hong Kong and all sorts. We had one poor girl whose mum was a herion addict and more with a range of needs. And pupils lived all over the area.

In contrast the other schools was incredibly narrow and provincial with people living only in a small radius of the school