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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To BF one baby longer than the other

53 replies

choosekindnessalways · 13/03/2023 18:58

I bf my first for 4 months and Im now pregnant with another baby. All being well, I'd like to go on longer than 4 months but I kinda feel bad that I'm not giving them equal starts.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
TowerRaven7 · 13/03/2023 19:00

I think you’re fine. I only have one, but if I had more I’m assuming I’d do some things differently, I can’t see this as being any different.

Anonymous48 · 13/03/2023 19:03

My eldest was unable to breastfeed, despite trying everything. I breastfed my youngest for 18 months. I don't feel guilty about it.

isaidahiphophip · 13/03/2023 19:03

I bf my first for 6 months and my 2nd for 2 years. It just happens.
I did have a thought that it wasn't fair. But all we can do is our best. Circumstances are always different. Good luck

VeryLowTum · 13/03/2023 19:04

You can't treat them the same no matter what so I wouldn't worry. This one will get a lot less individual time with you, for example.

autumnboys · 13/03/2023 19:05

I bf my three for varying lengths of time. I did what I could, when I could.

RunTowardsTheLight · 13/03/2023 19:06

I breastfed DC1 for 12m and DC3 for 8m, I don't feel guilty at all.

SpinningFloppa · 13/03/2023 19:06

What an odd thing to worry about, I’ve bf 4 children all for different lengths, 18months - 4 years. Never thought I was being unfair 😕

Myyearmytime · 13/03/2023 19:07

Different children like different things .
One of mine was horrible at BF second one love it .

WelHong · 13/03/2023 19:08

Blimey, another thing to feel guilty about that had never crossed my mind.

@choosekindnessalways However hard you try, you will never manage to be 100% fair and equal if you have more than one child. If they all think you prefer another one once they reach adulthood (as mine have done), you've probably done it right.

Doingmybest12 · 13/03/2023 19:08

It is the sort of thing I would ve got hung up on but in the end it doesn't matter. You do what you think best at the time .

UnbeatenMum · 13/03/2023 19:08

It's really common to feed children for different lengths of time. I wanted to feed mine for a year but stopped at 10 months with DC1 because I was pregnant and exhausted. Made 12 months with DC2.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 13/03/2023 19:08

It's fine op. It's just what happens. You cannot give your children exactly the same experience.

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 13/03/2023 19:09

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LysHastighed · 13/03/2023 19:09

My first was bf for 18 months, the second for 3 years. The first got my undivided attention, something you can’t give th.
Your intentions towards your children need to be equally good but that doesn’t mean doing the exact same things for them.

Beebopawhop · 13/03/2023 19:09

I bf my first for 3 months with various issues and stress and second 11 months. It's fine.

user40816 · 13/03/2023 19:10

Your best with your first was 4 months. If you don't do your best with your second (be it 4 days or 4 years) then it's equally not fair. Better to always do your best for both of them however that plays out.

EmmaDilemma5 · 13/03/2023 19:10

I breastfed mine different lengths of time. I think you're overthinking it.

Kpo58 · 13/03/2023 19:10

It's a baby. They aren't going to know or care if their sibling was breastfeed longer or at all compared to themselves (unless they were twins). I don't think that anyone has ever held that against their sibling.

Blossomtoes · 13/03/2023 19:11

You think they’ll remember?

Barleysugar86 · 13/03/2023 19:11

I think it's quite normal - my first I breastfed for a year and my second for about 18 months (i wanted to stop earlier but it didn't take for a long time, my elder kid kept bringing home bugs and it was cruel to cut her off then, plus it was good for her immune system). I don't think the kids would ever really know, it's hardly something I'd want to ask of my mum :)

CamCurls · 13/03/2023 19:17

My oldest is 40 now and I clearly remember being upset because I didn't manage to establish BF. Number 2 child took to it straightaway and BF for a year. Numbers 3 and 4 also BF for about 9 months and 6 months. But although as children and adults they have kept score in many ways it's never been about BF!

TheIsleOfTheLost · 13/03/2023 19:21

The colostrum is the most beneficial bit anyway I thought? I fed mine for different lengths of time as we went into lockdown when I was thinking about weaning the second one and didn't want to add more disruption to their life. Do what is right for you and each child at the time.

sexnotgenders · 13/03/2023 19:25

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This is an absolutely appalling thing to say. Do you often swan around the internet being unnecessarily cruel and spiteful, or is this just a special occasion? Does it make you feel all better about yourself?

Blossomtoes · 13/03/2023 19:26

sexnotgenders · 13/03/2023 19:25

This is an absolutely appalling thing to say. Do you often swan around the internet being unnecessarily cruel and spiteful, or is this just a special occasion? Does it make you feel all better about yourself?

Show quote history

She does seem to.

WhiteFang · 13/03/2023 19:40

The first couple of months is the main bit anyway. You’re primed their immune system and set up their micro biome. The rest is basically just milk 🤣

this sounds like pregnancy anxiety to me xxx

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